Title:  AFTER THE CREDITS:  All Our Yesterdays

Author:  Ster Julie

Genre:  angst

Codes:  S/Mc; ATC series

Rating:  PG-13

Part 1 of 1

Summary:  Spock deals with the guilt of being unfaithful to his bondsmate.  Leonard comes to understand the importance of the Vulcan group mind and the way the deeds of one affect the many.

--ooOoo--

Leonard had searched high and low.  The Enterprise was only so big, but Spock sure knew how to make himself scarce when he wanted.  If it wasn't for the efforts of the Security department, Leonard would still be searching.

It was hard to see him sitting in the dark, the distant nova that was Beta Niobe glowing in it's death throes reflecting softly on his sleek cap of hair.  Leonard was certain that Spock was sitting in the dark, either meditating or more likely mourning his ladylove, Zarabeth. 

Yes, it had hurt Leonard.  He couldn't deny that.  Spock fell so hard and so quickly for the young exiled woman.  Leonard had felt discarded, cast off.  He thought that Spock had compared him to the comely Zarabeth and found him lacking.

But then Leonard had remembered their discussions about the Vulcan group mind, and about how the deeds of one Vulcan affected the whole race.  It was Leonard who had pointed out to Spock that his barbarian ancestors of five thousand years past had been affecting him and his actions.  And now it would be Leonard putting this relationship to right.

"Spock?" he called gently.  Now, Leonard could not be sure, but it seemed that Spock took the hem of his duty tunic and used it to wipe his eyes.  Had he been crying?  /For her, no doubt,/ Leonard thought.  He moved into the room just enough to let the doors close behind him.  "Please, we need to talk," he urged.

"What is there to say?" Spock said in a ragged voice.

"Are you all right?" Leonard asked with concern.

Once more, Spock grabbed the front of Leonard's uniform.  "How can you ask me that?" Spock spat.  "I was unfaithful to my mate!"

The psychiatrist part of Leonard analyzed that last statement.  Spock was distancing himself from his own guilt and pain by referring to Leonard in the third person.

"But is wasn't your fault!" Leonard countered.

"How can you say that?" Spock grated.  "I passed you over, pushed you aside and took Zarabeth to myself, all without regard for you or for our commitment to each other."

Leonard was tired of nearly being strangled by his own garments for the third time that day.  "Spock," he requested calmly, "please put me down."

Spock released Leonard and paced away from him.  Leonard had never seen Spock look so uncertain or vulnerable before.  The doctor kept his voice low and soothing so that his words might penetrate Spock's thick hide for once.

"I finally understand the Vulcan group mind," Leonard began.  "You were being influenced by the minds of your barbaric ancestors five thousand years in the past.  The support to which you were accustomed was suddenly gone."

"That cannot excuse me from treating our vows with such disregard," Spock said in a low voice.

"It can and it does," Leonard explained.  "It would be the same for me if someone suddenly took away all my bones.  I wouldn't be able to stand up." 

Spock cocked an eyebrow at the ludicrous imagery.

"I see now how the deeds of the many affect the one," Leonard continued, "and how important it is for each individual to work for peace, for the good of the many."

Spock studied the face of the one who loved him enough to study Vulcan culture and philosophy.  "How I must have hurt you," Spock whispered fiercely.

Leonard nodded.  "It would be illogical to deny that," he said deliberately, trying to diffuse the painful discussion with humor.  "But what's done is done.  Let it go and move on."  Leonard reached to the ever-present medical bag at his hip.  "But before you do move on, I need to examine you."  Without giving Spock time to protest, Leonard whipped out his scanner and passed it over the Vulcan.

"Uh-oh," he grunted.

"What uh-oh?" Spock said as his eyebrows raced for cover.

The doctor started to snap on gloves and to pull out a packet of ointment.  "It seems that Zarabeth left you with a little souvenir," he said as he ripped the packet with his teeth and squeezed the content onto his fingers.  "In her environment, she could only keep so clean."  The doctor gestured to Spock's lap.  "Drop your pants, please."

/That would explain the rash,/ Spock thought as Leonard began to apply the medicine to his speckled genitals.

As Leonard worked, he looked frankly into Spock's eyes.  "I'm afraid that we won’t be able to be intimate for at least three days, Spock," he said, watching carefully for a reaction from the Vulcan, "not until this clears up."

Disappointment shadowed Spock's face briefly.  "Understood," he said at last, determined to take his medicine.

Leonard smiled, changing his ministrations from therapeutic to pleasure. 

Spock jumped.  "What are you doing?" he asked frantically.

Leonard chuckled.  "Where I come from, sir," he drawled, "this is called a 'hand job.'  Why don't you grab a handkerchief while you still have your wits about you."

Leonard murmured gently to Spock, trying to help him relax, to let ol' Bones 'handle' everything for him.

Spock, for his part, was squirming in delight, so grateful for his beloved's forgiveness and understanding, wondering how he deserved such a prince.  He came back to himself at the sound of Leonard snapping the gloves off, surprised to find that he was already cleaned up and covered.

"Did I pass out?" Spock said with amazement.

Leonard smiled gently.  "It happens on occasion."

Spock stood and pulled his Leonard into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry, Lenkam," he whispered.

"I know," Leonard replied simply.  "I know."

END