The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine

Title: The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine

Songs: The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine

            A Simple Desultory Philippic

Author: Tarantel

Pairing: S/Mc




„I beg your pardon, Leonard, but what did you say this kind of device was called?“


„It’s a Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine, Spock. And it’s the acme. The utmost. The best you can get out of a fair, you know.“ The doctor, chewing on an enormous batch of rum-flavored pink candy floss, was all excitement. He had told Spock a hundred times how he was looking forward to this shore leave, that L27b was a lovely planet which still held a real old-fashioned fair, and that he loved fairs, he really did. Spock, always open to new experiences, had agreed to accompany him. It was his first fair.


„Take a ride with us AND YOU’LL FEEL JUST FINE NOW!“ – „Take A BREAK FROM DAILY STRIFE at a reasonable price!“ – „Is life within the business world a drag? HAVE FUN OVER HERE, take a roller coaster ride!“ There was a lot of shouting going on, and part of the fun seemed to be listening to the advertisements.


„Look, over there, Spock, there’s a Cosmic Caterpillar! Let’s start with that one!“


The Cosmic Caterpillar was a noisy, narrow affair in which you were stuck up with your partner among green upholstery and whirled around and around until your head spun. Of course Spock’s head didn’t spin. He only noticed that speed and centrifugal force provided for a lot of friction and body heat. Which Leonard cooled down with iced Romulan Ale when they had dismounted.


„Are you looking for a way to chuck it all? AT LEAST FORGET ABOUT IT FOR A WHILE OVER HERE!“ People crowded around the barkers, laughing, shouting and only too willing to be separated from their money.„The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine!!!! GET IT HERE!“ – „Are you worried and distressed? PUT OUR PRODUCT TO THE TEST!“ The aluminum booth from which a heavily k-holed Arcturian was advertising looked anything but inviting.


„This looks good!“ Leonard was already on his way. „Have one!“


Spock sniffed at the pale green slices of fruit the doctor offered him and shook his head. „No, thank you. You know that I do not approve of fruits spoiled by alcoholic beverage.“


„Bah, just a few tiny drops…oh, well….come on, Spock, let’s have a roller coaster ride then!“


The roller coaster sported comfortable little carts which raced on electromagnetic tracks through an imaginary mountainside, swung around in loopings, dropped down from considerable heights, and released their occupants with wobbly knees and upset stomachs. Leonard had to lean on Spock for a moment, and Spock took care to hold him safe and very close. „What next?“ he said.


„What? – Oh. Oh, yes…“


„How about your Green Machine?“


„My green…oh, no. We’ll save the best for last. – Let’s have some Turkish delight!“ The Turkish delight was appreciated by Spock and washed down with another amount of Romulan Ale by Leonard. Next they visited the zero gravity booth and while Spock floated dignified and solemnly Leonard paddled around, turned somersaults, shouted at Spock about how he liked that when a kid and finally stranded alongside Spock, asking, „What did you just say about fucking in free fall?“


„I assure you that I said nothing of that kind, Leonard.“


„You sure?“


„Leonard, please, we are not alone in here…“


„Oh, come on, nobody notices, and when they do nobody cares, this is a fair, it’s fun, it’s forgetting about your daily drag and distress - “


„I observe that you are beginning to sound like one of the mountebanks out there. And I would rather leave now, if you don’t mind.“


„Spoilsport.“ Leonard consoled himself with a drop of Southern Comfort that was sold in a bar next to the Hall of Moving Mirrors. Spock took some green tea to brace himself for more new knowledge and found the Hall of Moving Mirrors an interesting experience. Dozens of Spocks, illuminated by colorful strobe light, hopped around him, funny looking ones, ugly ones, and a sudden thunderstorm of lens flares made at least Leonard so dizzy that he ran smack into Spock and had to be held and comforted since, as he claimed, the mirrors had duplicated the amount of alcohol in his circulation. And the lens flares seemed to have brought the stuff to the boil, to judge by the way the doctor now pressed against Spock, who accidently brushed his mouth against Leonard’s lips once or twice when leaving the Hall of Moving Mirrors.


„IT IS – GREEN!!!“ 


„I am beginning to wonder what it really is about,“ Spock remarked.


„Yes…,“ Leonard, still holding on to him and obviously not listening, looked into black eyes absentmindedly for quite some time, and an advertisement for „THE BEST RIDE YOU EVER TOOK!“ was lost on him, too. A glass of Saurian Brandy from the nearest stall brought him back to his senses.„I’m having the time of my life! See that ad over there? Let’s take a ghost train ride!“


Spock had to admit, while he followed Leonard to the ghost train, that he enjoyed at least part of the attractions offered at the fair. For instance the sight of Leonard, dressed in tightly fitting jeans, clambering into the shiny little car in front of them, and he had to admit that the tiniest bit of genuine shock was involved when he sat beside Leonard in the wagon that rushed along on air cushions – shock over the naiveté of adults who could, to reckon from their screeching, obviously be frightened by laser crafted illusory bats and rats in a cave-and-dungeon hologram. There was hardly room to breathe, and he clung to Leonard, who clung back, happily singing snitches from an ancient song called ‚A Simple Desultory Philippic’ which usually came to his mind when tipsy.


„…I been ayan randed, nearly branded Communist ’cause I’m left handed! “ Leonard chanted when they left the ghost train, and a sylphlike blue skinned girl with a mane of silver hair brushed up to him and murmured, „Try it on me then, Hon, I’m not suffering from prejudices…“


„That’s nice, “ Leonard beamed, „but when it comes to using my left hand, or my right hand, or both, I’d rather use them - “


„In and on the Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine?“ the girl chirped, winking roguishly.


„What? – Oh, no, most certainly not. That’s for kids. Lemme tell you, I got something better AND bigger AND GREENER, AND TALKING ABOUT PLEASURE - “ Spock shut the door of the air-cushion cab towards and into which he had been maneuvering the enthusing McCoy on the both of them before Leonard’s ads could attract a crowd, and then he shut Leonard’s mouth with a kiss, to be on the safe side. - Pleasure Machine, indeed.

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