New: Georgian on my Mind 1/1 [G]

Title: Georgian On My Mind

Author: Maximum

Codes: G

Feedback: Yes please. Either here or at Maximummii@hotmail.co.uk.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns them. I'm just having a little fun. N.B. No redshirts were harmed during the making of this story.

Other: Thank you once again to Artemis who not only beta’d, but suggested the title, knowing full well that I am completely unable to resist a pun.

Summary: This takes place shortly after Amok Time.

Georgian On My Mind

He is the most aggravating man I have ever known. There are occasions when it is only with the greatest difficulty that I maintain my facade of calm. Today I wanted to grab him by the arms and --- Kiss him? I want to kiss him?

No! No, that is impossible. I am not homosexual. I desire women. I desired Layla, even before the spores...  Unless... It might mean that I am bi-sexual, but I have never had an inkling of it before. I suppose here has never been a man who attracted me before.  If I am homosexual it would explain why I have not been attracted to any of the other women I have met. I had always assumed it was my age, or the bond holding me back. Perhaps Layla was an aberration and it was only some resonance from the bond that drew me to her. She is very like T’Pring in some ways. They are both highly intelligent and willing to do anything to get their own way.

If that is so, if the severing of the bond is allowing my true nature to reveal itself, it would explain why I now desire a man.

But why him? 

It is not logical. He is not logical. Sometimes, I am sure, he argues merely for the sake of it. He seems determined to elicit an emotional response, to goad me into anger or some other display. I am equally determined not to give him the satisfaction. Or –Is that in itself an emotional response?

That is something I had not considered.

Another thing to consider is that he recognised this facet of my being before I did. Only yesterday when he was trying to defuse the situation between DeSalle and Brennan he kept staring at me, and his final comment did seem to be directed at me rather than DeSalle.

 “If you take the view that sex is for procreation, then not only is it unnatural, it’s an enormous waste of energy. Completely illogical. On the other hand, if that’s the way you’re wired, than it’s perfectly natural for you.”

I thought it strange at the time, but no stranger than much of what he does. Perhaps he was trying to pass me a message. Trying to get me to acknowledge what I am. He obviously failed to realise that I did not know.

Was there even more to it? Was he trying to tell me that should I be interested, he would be willing?

But what if I am mistaken? Suppose I were to approach him and he turned me down. How, then, could I discipline Brennan if I am guilty of the same infraction? No, that would not be the case. I will take no for an answer.

But could we continue to work together if I am wrong? Uncomfortable as it would no doubt be, I could carry on as normal. Could he? Conversely, could we continue to work together if I am correct? Can we be lovers and colleagues? Ours is a hazardous situation. No matter how thorough our training or plans, there will be times when I will have to stand by and watch him risk his life, maybe even have to give him the order.

Could I?

The only way to answer any of these questions is, as my mother says, to jump in with both feet. I shall do it now. I will go to his quarters. He should be there at this time.

What is this strange sensation in my stomach? Is that what she called ‘butterflies’? I suppose it must be. So, today has been a revelation in more ways than one.

Oh well, as I seem to be using her phrasing today – here goes nothing.