Helping Hands

Titel: Healing hands

Author: T’Sihek

Fandom: Star trek - TOS

Pairing: S/McC

Rating: NC-17, First time, h/c

Summary: Just another, but very slow <first time>.

Note: Some scenes and dialogues were adapted from the episodes: "The man trap" and "Miri"

Feedback: Always welcome! Feed me here or:

Archive: Yes

Beta: Tempest

Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns the boys and girls. The rest is mine and there is no money made with it.

Those, who don't like male-male-sex or are underage should now take their cup of coffee and go to read elsewhere.

The rest of you: just sit back and enjoy!






 ~ Healing hands ~




After finishing his today's work, Leonard McCoy decided to enjoy the windy day down at the beach. He loved to watch the waves rolling from the ocean and on the sands of the beach.


For a moment bittersweet memories of Nancy rushed through his mind. She also had loved to walk on the beach - it was just one thing they have had in common. They had been very good friends and for some time they even had become lovers. But then she met the archaeologist Crater and fell in love for him. She followed him, when Starfleet ordered him to take part in an expedition on an unexplored planet full of ancient ruins.

Although it was hard for him, McCoy let her go.


The beach was almost empty. Just a few students from the Starfleet Academy trained some combatant sports. It was familiar to him.

Some years ago he had thought about also joining the Academy. But then he decided to become a medician like his father and grandfather.


"NO! Don't...!"


The sudden cry let him turn round.

At first, he saw three young men struggling against each other.

On the second look he noticed that his first idea wasn't correct: One of the men fighted to free himself from the other two, who were trying to push him into the high waves of the ocean.

On the third look, he noticed the pointed ears and slightly green teint of the one struggling against the others.


A Vulcan! He started running.

"Stop that. At once!"


The two didn't notice him. They gave the Vulcan a strong push into an incoming wave and laughed, when he vanished in it.


During running, McCoy took of his shirt and his shoes. He throw himself into the water and as fast as he could he swam to the point, he supposed the Vulcan.

At first, he didn't saw him. Then, just a few meters beside him, the vulcan appeared, gasping and fighting for air.


McCoy grabbed him.

"Easy. I'll bring you out of here. Just relax."


The Vulcan, clearly near a panic, didn't seem to notice him. He kept on laying about him. He was too strong for the human.

Suddenly, McCoy remembered something, he once read about Vulcans. He hoped it would work.




It's seems, as if the vulcan had heard him. He stopped his fighting and McCoy took the chance to grab him in a rescue-grip.


With the Vulcan laying half on himself, he started to swim back to the beach. Some of the other students had noticed the ongoings and came to help him.

Together they managed to bring the almost inconcious Vulcan back on dry land.


Immedeately McCoy turned him round and hold him head foremost so that it would be easier for the Vulcan to cough out the water from his lungs.

One of the students tried to interrupt him, but McCoy barked at him: "Go away. I'm a doctor. Call an ambulance."


He could feel the Vulcan stirr in his arms. Slowly, he laid the still gasping man onto the sand and knelt beside him. For a moment he had to search, then he found the rushing pulse behind the earlobe.

The lashes fluttered and the Vulcan moaned lowly.


McCoy bent down to him.

"Can you hear me?"


It took the Vulcan some time, but then his eyes flew open and he focused them on the human. He just nodded, too cought in pain and panic to think of the correct Standard words.


"Okay." The human sighed in relief. "Turn on your side. I'm sure there is still too much water in your lungs. And blood, I apprehend."


He helped the Vulcan to turn and gain a stabil position. Alarmed, he watched green coloured water trikle out the corner of the Vulcan's mouth.

At the moment, there was nothing more he could do. He had to wait till the ambulance arives.

He took a deep breath and stood up.


The students still stood around them in a wide circle. Some of them just curious, some of them shocked.

"Okay. Where are those two idiots who thought it is a funny idea to push a Vulcan in the water?" McCoy asked very calm.

At first, nothing happened. Then two very subdued young men went into the circle.


One of them avoided McCoys gaze, the other fixed him, a slight smile on his lips.

"Our trainer told Spock to practise swimming. He still can't even breast-stroking."


"I see. And so you decided to handle that your way,"  McCoy said, still very calm. His blue eyes fixed the young man and started to meld his courage away.

When he spoke again, the young man flinched.

"Are you aware that you nearly killed him?"


The student went pale and shook his hand. He glanced at the still panting Vulcan, but he said nothing.


McCoy took a deep breath.

"Vulcans can't swim, because their homeplanet is nothing else than a desert. The biggest sheets of water are big lakes. And it is forbidden to swim in them. And there is another fact: Did you ever swim in very cold water. Not warmer than 3 or 4C?"

The student swallowed. "No, Sir."


"Then, my friend, you should know that you are almost unable to moove in water cold as this. And *that's* exactly what the Vulcan experienced, for his body temperature is much higher than the human one."


"And," McCoy added "as a vulcan he first have to learn to close his larynx when he dive. Humans own a reflex for that. Vulcans don't. He almost got drowned."


The landing ambulance interrupted McCoy. He waved the ambulance men over to him.

"Half a doze of Triox," he ordered. Then he explained, what had happened.


He went with the Vulcan, when the amulance men carried him to their aircar.

One of the students stopped him. "What happens next?"


McCoy recognized him as one of the two he just scolded. "His lungs have to be emptied. They are injured by the salt-water and there'll be a lot of minor bleedings. He's still in live-danger."


The student stood back and nodded, very quietly.


~ * ~


Some hours later McCoy still sat beside the unconcious Vulcan. He studied the severe features, waiting for a sign of awakening. The bioscanners blinked regularly, reassuring him of the stabil physical status of the Vulcan.

One of the nurses had brought him one of those ugly overalls, so that he could wear at least dry cloths.


Low steps disturbed his musings.

"Go home, Dr. McCoy. You've done all you could do."


McCoy didn't turn to the elder doctor, standing behind him. Slowly he shook his head.

"No. I'd like to stay. At home, I couldn't rest at all, Dr. Launder."


"The bleedings have stopped. Now it is up to him to heal the injuries the salt-water had caused to his bronchi. When he gain conciousness again, I'm going to call a Vulcan healer to lead him into a healing trance. I think, he is too young to be able to do this without help."


McCoy nodded. "That would be the best, I think. I'll stay until then."


"Okay. Do as you wish."


~ * ~


Another hour passed by and found the young doctor finally asleep in the chair beside the Vulcan's bed.


Suddenly McCoy woke up. For a moment he looked around, disorientated. Then his gaze fall upon the awakening Vulcan and he remembered.


The Vulcan stirred and moaned in pain while he slowly drifted back to conciousness. He felt cold and every breath shooted burning flames through his nerves. He tried to flee the ache, but cool hands steadied him.


"Shh... try to relax and don't even think about controlling the pain. And don't try to speak. Your larynx and the vocal chords had cought fire."


Dark eyes fixed him and he smiled reassuringly, covering his own sorrow for this young man.

"I'm Leonard McCoy. I've been down at the beach in the very right moment, I guess." Again he smiled and noticed at once when the lean body started to relax.


"You're in the 'Fleet-hospital and I think you'll have to stay some time."

He didn't turn, when the door opened and two men entered the room.


"Dr. McCoy? I called Healer Soran. Now he will lead Spock into a healing trance. Do you want to stay?"


McCoy just nodded and watched faszinated while the vulcan healer formed a mind meld with the young Vulcan. Some minutes passed by, then Spock visibly relaxed. His breath slowed down and also his heartbeat did. The bioscanners showed a mixture between sleep, conciousness and dream.


When Healer Soran stood up again, McCoy adressed him: "Sir? I'm very curious about this form of medical help. May I ask you some questions?"


The old grey-haired Healer gazed at him with a calm expression. But in the eyes McCoy could see some benevolent. "You're a medician?"


McCoy nodded. "Yes. I just finished my studies and I work in a small hospital at the moment."


The healer nodded. "Then follow me down to the park and I answer your questions."


Bevore leaving the room, he turned to Dr. Landers. "Spock will stay in the healing trance for three point two hours. I'll be back at that time. During this period, I'm the only one, being allowed to touch him. Don't forget that!"


~ * ~


Three point one nine hours later, Soran and the eagerly listening McCoy turned back to Spock.

Again McCoy watched the healer forming a mind meld and awakening the young Vulcan. Spock needed some time to regain  conciousness and from the expression in his face it was clear he still suffered from the injuries.

Soran rose a disapprovingly brow.


"The healing trance is finished. You're now allowed to speak again. But you still have to rest for another twelve hours."

Then he offered the vulcan greeting gesture, spoke some for McCoy very harsh sounding vulcan syllabels and left the room.


Somehow shy, McCoy went to Spock.

"Hi again."


Spock just nodded, his eyes wandering curiously over the slender Human. The light blue eyes faszinated him. They reminded him to the clear blue sky of earth, he learned to love. It was so different from the red and orange sky of vulcan.


"You... rescued... me?" he wispered with some efford, not sure if he could manage to speak aloud. "I remember... your face."


"Err... well.. yes."


Fascinated Spock noticed the human slightly blushing.

"Thank you for that."


"You're welcome," McCoy automatically answered. "I've been nearby, that's all."

He fetched a chair and sat down.

"May I ask, why those stupid guys had done that? I meant: pushing you in the water? As Starfleet students they should have known what they'll do to you as a Vulcan."


Spock averted his gaze. "Don't blame them. They didn't knew."


"I can't hardly believe that. I'm going to talk to your headmaster. I think guys like those shouldn't be allowed to study for being Starfleet officers."


"No! As I said, they didn't know what they do to me. They both are brilliant students and it would be a loss to throw them out."


McCoy stared at him in clear disbelief. "You don't mean that, don't you? They nearly killed you and you forgive them... just like that?" He snapped his fingers and stood up, furiously.


Spock watched him quietly when he started to pace.


McCoy needed some time to accept the Vulcan's decision. He couldn't believe how someone could be so generous.


Eventually he sat down again. "Okay. It's your decision. But I still have to report on the ongoings to your headmaster. It's up to him then to decide what he'll do about that."


Spock just nodded. For a moment, they looked at each other.

McCoy cleared his throat. "One of them told me, your teacher ordered you to practise swimming?"


"Yes. It's very difficult for me to follow the lessons because all the others can already swim."


"You have to learn to swim as an officer-to-be?"


"Yes. I can't avoid it." Spock closed his eyes. He knew it would be much harder for him now to even *stand* in the water. Thinking about swimming was... He sighed low.


"So you still have to learn it, even after this." McCoy saw the hidden discomfort in the severe features. "Maybe I can be of some assistence?"


Spock just rose a questing eyebrow.

McCoy smiled at this. He already liked how the Vulcan managed to express so much with those little play of features.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I can swimm very well. And I knew two or three different swimming stiles and diving. If you like, I can teach you."


"I'd like to accept your offer."


~ * ~


After Spock had recovered enough, they met in the indoor swimmingpool of the Academy.


McCoy adored the lean, slender and fine muscled body, while Spock - just clad in black swimming pants - stood shivering as far away from the water as he could.

Then he waved to him and walked over.


"Hi Spock."

McCoy had arrived about half an hour earlier and so he had taken the chance to swim a few rounds. His hair was wet and droplets of water run down his chest and arms.

"I think, it would be the best to start slowly." He fixed the dark eyes. "Do you trust me?"




"Well, than follow me. I guess you have to relearn to even accept water on your skin?"


"You know Vulcans very well," Spock answered while he followed him down the stairs leading into the pool.


"I'm just curious, that's all. Soran told me Vulcans are dread of water like cats." He glanced at the pointed ears. "Something, I find quite logic, when I look at your appearance," he teased.


"That has nothing to do with logic. The form of my ears is genetic." A small smile appeared in the controlled face.


"Yes! As it is with cats," McCoy laughed.


"You have a strange sense of logic."


"I never denied that."


Suddenly Spock noticed, that they were already standing hip-deep in the water. He cought his breath and froze at once.

McCoy, never stopped watching him, so he noticed the difference immedeatedly. He took the Vulcan's hands in his.


"No. Don't flee. I'm here with you. Nothing will happen. Try to trust me," me murmured.


Spock took a deep breath. He could sense the human's concern. But there was also so much strength.

Slowly, he allowed himself to feel the cool water on is his skin and around his legs and hip. At first, it wasn't easy for him. But all the time McCoy was near him, always ready to hold him.


Very slowly, Spock started to walk. Deeper and deeper they went into the water, till his shoulders were under the surface of the water.


"That's enough for today," McCoy told him, when he noticed Spock managed relaxing. "Let's get out of here."


Spock didn't complain.

Back in the dressingroom, he watched the trembling Vulcan.

"I knew there is a sauna next to the swimming-pool. You ever visited it?"


"No. I'm not familiar with it."


"Well. Then there is something new for you to learn."


Curiously Spock followed McCoy when he took a dry towel and led him to the sauna. 

"Disrobe completely and enter."


The sauna was empty and so they could choose to sit wherever they want.

After some minutes, Spock laid down on one of the benches, completly relaxing.


McCoy smiled. "I knew, you would like this. The heat feels good to you, doesn't it?"


Spock just murmured something, his eyes closed.


McCoy gave him a short tap on the bare shoulder. "Don't fell asleep."


Spock looked up. For the first time he noticed the lean and almost bony body of the Human. And to his satisfaction he noticed, that there weren't so many differences between him and humans. That had been something he always had wondered about. Slowly a bright smile appeared in his face.


"I won't sleep. It's just... "


"Comfortabel?" McCoy suggested.


"Yes, comfortable."


~ * ~


It was the beginning of a deep friendship. They met as often as they could. Spock again learned to swim and after having overcome his dread of water he soon became very well in it.


Sometimes they went out to visit a concert or to share a meal at one of the famous restaurants along the beach. Months went by this way. Spock learned hard and he became one of the best students at the Academy. His friendship with McCoy deepened and Spock thought, nothing could tore them apart.


He was wrong.


One evening after their usual visit to the swimming-pool and the sauna, they decided to have a meal at their favourite restaurant.

McCoy didn't eat much and he seemed to be distracted. Spock glanced at him, but he wasn't sure if he read the Human right.

Carefully, he opened his mental barriers and searched for the Human's feelings. What he found, let him overcome his hesitation.


Almost tender, he took McCoy's hand in his.

"Len. I can sense there's something wrong with you. Please, tell me what concerns you."


McCoy just looked at their entwined hands. He sighed low.

"I have to go back to Georgia. This night."




McCoy felt the warm hand. Suddenly he wished, there could be more between them, than just friendship. He wanted to...

Shocked by his own thoughts he withdraw his hand. He took a gulp of his fruit-juice to calm himself.

It wasn't the first time, those wished came into his mind. But untill now he didn't dare to ask the Vulcan on his oppinion on such a relationship. And he wasn't sure if *right now* was the right time to ask him. He sighed low.


"My Dad is ill. I don't know much more, but he asked me to come home and took over his practice."


"I see. When do you have to leave?"


"In three hours."

Suddenly he looked at Spock, a plea in his eyes. "I'd like to walk on the beach for a last time. Do you join me?"


"Yes. If you wish so."


They finished their meal and went down to the beach. It was almost dark and the silvery light of the moon was the only light, when they had left the sparkling and glistening colourful illumination of the boardwalk.


Without talking they walked for some time. Suddenly, McCoy stopped and turned to watch the sleeping ocean. He could sense the much warmer body temperature of his vulcan friend right behind him.


He froze, when he heard the low words at his right ear. "What is disturbing you?"


Slowly he turned to find himself face to face with Spock. The dark eyes seems to embrace him.

With a small sigh he leaned against the tall figure.


"I... I don't know what I should think, Spock. There is so much, I want so say to you. But I... Tell me. Do you belive in fate?"


"No. There is no logic in believing in fate."


"I see." McCoy looked at him, noticed the controlled face, the calm dark eyes. Suddenly he withdraw and started running away.


Spock followed him and cought him after a few minutes. For a moment they struggled, then McCoy stopped. He looked at the severe features, now open and full of concern.


Slowly, he reached up and touched the lips with the tips of his fingers. "I... I think I love you, Spock," he wispered.


Spock didn't react. This reveal was much too unexpected. He just didn't know what he should say or do. Puzzled he stepped back.


McCoy misunderstood him. He withdraw and turned away, avoiding the gaze of his friend.

"Okay... I see. Just friends, isn't it?" he said sarcastical.


Before Spock could act, McCoy turned and ran away. The moon hid behind some clouds and the sudden darkness let McCoy disappear.


McCoy ran untill he reached the boardwalk. He didn't look back.


~ * ~


Some months passed by and Spock put all his energy and time in his study. Sometimes he remembered McCoy and what they have had. But he still wasn't sure how he should have reacted at that night at the beach.


He started to spent his spare time in the library and the labs. There he met her one day.


"Spock? I've heard you're doing very well in astrophysics. I've got a problem with the next exam and I would ask you for some help?"


Spock looked up and met dark brown eyes in a lovely face surrounded by golden curls. Slowly he nodded. "How can I be of assistence?"


Lajla Kalomi told him about her problems and with Spock's help she soon improved. They spent much time together, learning and talking.

But then, one day in autumn, she told him about her love for him and asked him to kiss her.


And at once, there was Leonard back in his mind. The blue eyes, full of frienship, laughter and... love?

He didn't know why, but the thought of kissing her made him nervous.

"I can't Lajla. Please don't  try to talk me into it. I can't love you, the way you do. I'm a Vulcan."


And he turned away from her tears.


~ * ~


Leonard McCoy did as his father wanted and took over his practice. He wasn't happy at all. Many sleepless nights went by, filled with daydreams of how-it-could-have-been and why-didn't-I-akt-another-way-I-did.


His father's health went worse very fast and soon it was clear, that there would be no cure for him.

McCoy stopped remembering Spock and used every reamining second to work on a cure for his father's disease. He knew, there was none. But his subborness and his believe in his luck made him stick to his search. Untill he had to admit he couldn't do it.


Never again he could forget the eyes of his father - begging for release from the torments of hell. Being too weak to even moan, he just looked at him.


And McCoy had to do the worst thing in his entire life - he had to switch off the automats and machines, prolonging the rest of the life of this pain-broken being, that once was his strong and vital father.


He didn't cry that night, nore the night after, nore the following ones. But he forget how to laugh.

He still worked as a doctor and he liked his work as a country doctor. He liked helping the people. He liked what he was: a young doctor in a small city somewhere in Georgia knowing that there will be not too much surprising turns for the rest of his life. And he was content with that.


Then, one day, there was this young lady. She just was there with him and with her laugh, her joy and her pure hunger for life she pushed him into the light and teached him to enjoy the life again.


He fell in love for her and after some months they decided to marry. It was one of those usual one-year-contracts prolonging itself if not stopped.

It was okay for him and so was she.


Soon she got pregnant. McCoy was with her, when their girl was born and he loved his little daughter Joanna from the very first moment he saw her.


But Joyceline, his wife, spent more and more time with her alone and he had to work hard in his practice. They didn't talk very often nor did they really spent time together. And then, one day, they decided to divorce.


For McCoy it was both a relief and a curse. A relief, because he didn't have to face the angry discussios and quarrels with his wife any longer and a curse, because he lost Joanna.

Whenever he could manage it, he visited his daughter.


On her eights birthday, he asked her if she would join him to a trip to San Francisco, where a medical congress took place. He wanted to use the chance to show her the city he had learned to love. And he wanted to show her the ocean.


To his surprise, Joyceline agreed to his plan and went with them.


~ * ~


Their first week spent together in San francisco went by in harmonic peace. During the day, McCoy went to the congress and Joyceline and Joanna went shopping or visited museums and galeries.

In the evenings they met in on of the restaurants and spent their time in parks and on the beach.


McCoy, being very aware of his loneliness, again started to hope for a happy future for them three.


~ * ~


It was his last day of his shore leave and against his usual habits, Spock decided to beam down to earth and visit San Francisco. He didn't know when he again would have the chance to do so.


The officer-on-duty in the transporterroom was more than bored and beamed him down without complaining.

Cool, humid air greeted him and to his surprise Spock welcomed the chill. He left headquarters behind and walked down to the beach. It was right after one of the autumn storms he always had avoided in his student days.


The still strong wind forced the grey clouds to open to a brigtht, warm sun and a clear blue sky.

Blue as those eyes, he couldn't forget in his lonely nights on board the ship.

He had gained a post as science officer on the flagship of Starfleet - the Enterprise. And he was known as a very capabel and bold officer. But beneath the surface... he was lonely. Although he finally had found his place among his shipmates, he didn't made friend with one of them. He still was the stranger, the outworlder, the alien.


He had learned to hide his loneliness and his pain behind walls of selfcontrol and discipline. None of his shipmates ever had seen him smile. He just had forgotten how to do it.


Soon, Spock reached the beach and walked away from the loud and gay boardwalk.

Lost in his memories, he took off his boots and socks and sat down on the still wet sand, letting the water play around his bare foots.


"The water's cold, Daddy told me."


Spock looked up, mildly surprised finding a young girl standing beside him.


"Yes. Your father's right. The water is cold."


She nodded, sat down next to him and also took off her shoes and socks.


"I think, you shouldn't do that. I'm sure your parents will be angry if you become ill."


"My father is a doctor. He knows a cure for every disease."


Light blue eyes met dark brown ones and a sudden heaviness in his stomach made Spock hold his breath.

Memories of happier days rushed through his mind. Slowly he got up.


"I have to leave now. It would be better, if you also go home."


The girl laughed. "My home is in Georgia, but my parents are over there. Look."

She rose and waved to an aproaching couple.


Spock glanced at them. He froze, when he recognized the familiar look of the man.

No wonder the blue eyes of the girl had rosen the memories of him.


McCoy smiled when he noticed his former friend.

"Spock! I didn't knew you're here. I thought you were somewhere out in space to chase Klingons."


"In my duty as a science officer it is not my task to *chase Klingons*. I have to..."


"Oh, forget it, my friend. I knew very well what your duty is. But why are you here, on earth?"


"Shore leave. The ship is in the dock for a last check before the new five-year-missions starts."


"Uh... five-year-mission? I've heard about that. So it's the Enterprise, isn't it?"


"Yes." He glanced at the woman next to McCoy.


"Please excuse my unpoliteness. This is Joyceline, and my daughter Joanne." He gestured towards the tall Vulcan. "And this is Spock, a good friend of mine."


Joyceline offered her hand, but Spock clasped his hand behind his back. Instead he offered the vulcan greeting. "Live long and proser, Joyceline, Joanna."


"Well." Joyceline looked at him form head to food and nooded briefly.

"Please excuse me now. I promised Joanna to swim with her." She pointed on a bag she carried and left the two men alone.


Silently McCoy watched her aproaching her daughter, which was already playing near the water.

It was a lovely scene and he wanted to remember every detail.


"Your wife?"


"No. Not longer any more. We married for one year after my father died. But soon... well, there wasn't very much left to speak of together and we decided to part again."


"Do you still love her?"

Spock had to ask. He didn't know why this was so important for him.


McCoy turned to him, grinning and rosing an eyebrow - an habit he had copied from Spock. "Perhaps. This is the first holiday we're spending together. Things are very well between us."


"I'm glad to hear that. But you didn't seem to be happy at all."


"Not?" McCoy laughed. "Come on. Let's take a walk."


Walking along the now sunny beach in harmonic silence, they enjoyed the other's so unexpected company. It almost was like in former days.


McCoy sighed low. "Yes, perhaps you're right and I'm not happy. I never was able to hide anything from you."


"Do you want to tell me?"


"Nothing serious at all, just the same old boring stuff every day." McCoy stopped and gazed at Spock. "I miss you. I miss your humor and the time we had together."


Spock also stopped. "These times are gone, Len. You're a country doctor in Georgia and I'm a science officer on a ship waiting for her coming up five-years-mission."

He wasn't sure why he was so cool to his friend. He could sense how much his words hurted him. But he didn't want to hurt him. He rather would touch him, hold him and... yes... kiss the sadness away.

Puzzled by his own unexpected thoughts Spock withdraw behind his shields. Unsure how to react on his affection to him.


McCoy swallowed and looked away. Once more sadness cramped his stomach. Damn it. If someone had told him he surely just had laughed. But standing here in front of Spock again...

He looked for Joyceline and Joanna. He could hardly see them playing and swiming in the waves. Were they his future? Or was it this tall, cool man? He couldn't find an answer.


"So it's time again to say good-bye? Perhaps forever this time?"

He gazed at Spock as if to memorize every cell of the severe features.


"It is time to say good-bye."


Spock rose his hand and spread his fingers in the vulcan greeting gesture. McCoy didn't react. A thought rushed through his mind and before he could think it over, he blurted out: "May I kiss you good-bye?"


And before Spock could react, he found himself in a short tight embrace and a pair of soft lips kissing him. Surprised, he opened his mouth and at once the tip of a cool tounge started to intrude.


Glowing sensations rushed through his body and mind and washed away his concerns. Eagerly, Spock started to return the caresses, holding McCoy even tighter.


They kissed untill short breath forced them to withdraw.

McCoy looked at Spock and he was sure he never before had seen something more beautifull than those dark eyes dilated with passion.

With his fingertips he touched the slightly swollen and greenish lips.

"God, I love you, Spock. I think I will always love you. Please, tell me you won't leave with your ship."


Slowly Spock opened the embrace. He shook his head. "I have to go, Len. I'm expected to return to the ship in thirty-four point seven minutes."


"No. You can't do that, Spock."


"There is no choice." He rose his hand in the familiar gesture. "Live long and prosper, Len."


He left a stunned McCoy behind, when he walked back to the headquarters.


~ * ~


The rest of the day McCoy was curt with words, lost in his grief and his memories. Joycline asked him twice what was wrong, but he refused to answer. Together, they went back to the hotel and after kissing Joanna good-night, they sat down in the livingroom of their suite.


McCoy tried to hide his sadness.Spock had again declined his offer so it seems as if Joyceline was his future. Silent he tried to talk himself in the advantages a remarriage would hold for them both. There weren't very much he could think of.


Joyceline disturbed his musings. "So what was that, down on the beach?"


"What do you mean?"


"That *kiss*! And don't try to deny anything. I've seen you. I'm glad, Joanna didn't notice."


Fear started to fill McCoy's body. Blood rushed behind his eyes.  "Joyceline, no! You got that wrong."


"I don't want to hear excuses. So this was Spock. It was fine to met him finally in persona."

Her voice was cold as ice and full of sarcasm.

"I guess, you're not aware of you're talking in your dreams. Often enough you told me about Spock untill I started to hate this name and the man behind."


McCoy burried his face in his head, trying to calm himself down. "Please, let me explaine..."


"I said, I don't want excuses," she shouted emphasizing every syllable. "And I don't want to meet you ever again."


McCoy stared at her, disbelieving. But her face and her closed gesture told him he should better leave now.

Slowly he rose. "May I see Joanna sometimes?" he asked lowly, glancing over to the cloosed door to Joanna's room.


"Perhaps. And now LEAVE!"


Silently McCoy obeyed.


~ * ~


It took him only a few minutes to repack his travelling back and check out. Now he strolled around San Francisco. The city glewed and pulsated around him and it made him feel like being very old and very useless and unwanted.


Out of old habits he took the way to the Starfleet campus, lost in memories of old days.

Suddenly a familar voice brought him back to reality.

"Dr. McCoy? Is it you?"


McCoy stopped and turned to the elder man. "Dr. Launder! I hadn't expected you being here."


"Same with me. How are you? Everything's all right?"


McCoy sighed and looked down. "Do you want a honest or a polite answer?"


Dr. Launder laughed and claped his back. "Seems as if you could need a friend and a drink. Come on. It's time for a special medicine."


He led him to a small bar and they talked half the night.


In the morning, McCoy didn't remember very much, when he finally woke up in one of the guestquarters of the campus. But there were two things he remembered very well. First the delicious taste of saurian brandy and second, the Starfleet announce for an unbound doctor for a interstallar mission, Dr. Launder had told him about.


Getting up he found both next to his bed. A bottle of the brandy and the flyer.

An hour later he had gained the post.


~ * ~


His heart almost stopped when he learned he would be sent to the Enterprise. But in the meantime he had time enough to lock away his feelings for Spock. Nothing would change the Vulcan's decision, he knew.


Two weeks later, after a short but thorough training and handing over his practice to a successor he finally set his foot on the ship that would be his home for the next five years.


It was a relief when James Kirk greeted him. McCoy already knew the brilliant young man very well and called him friend.

But Spock... well, that was something else.


In their first days together on the ship they hardly talked to each other. An when they had no other chance, they snapped at each other. McCoy felt hurt and he hid his pain behind sarcasm and bitterness.


In his eyes Spock seemed to have turned into a complete other being as he once was, years ago. He was cool, harsh, unfriendly and almost arrogant. Only the fact they both being friends to Kirk forced them to spent time together.


The first missions passed by and the officers and the crew got used to the quarrels and word battles between the CMO and the First officer. Even Kirk laughed about them.


McCoy, missing his old friend, tried to force bits of the young open Vulcan out of this closed and controlled *greenblooded hobgoblin* he started to call Spock.

He couldn't resist to challenge Spock on every occasion. And when he saw no progress, he started being insulting.


~ * ~


That was when the captain interfered.

"Dr McCoy. There is something I want to talk about."


"Yes?" Not Bones? Sounds serious.

"Have a seat, please."


"Thanks but I prefer standing." Kirk leaned upon the table and bent over.

"I watched and tolerated your private battle with the First officer for some time now. But instead of approaching a bearable level you became more and more insulting. I won't allow this any longer. Change your behaviour or I've to put an entry in your personal file.

It's up to you. Understood?"




When Kirk had left, McCoy stared at the closed door and cursed. In order to distract himself he opened the next mission order.


They had to do the routine check on the Craters.


~ * ~


On the next day, together with Kirk, Spock and a guard, McCoy beamed down to check the Craters. He was pleased to meet Nancy again. But all too soon the problems started.


The guard died and McCoy beamed back to the ship to find the cause. Absurdities accumulated and there were more questions than answers. Then, Spock and McCoy found out about the salt-starving creature. But McCoy didn't knew it was already on board and so he had no objections when Nancy visited him in his quarters and talked him into some sedative and a rest.


He fall asleep and overheard the red alert, Kirk ordered when they found out about the creature's ability to change the look.


In McCoy's appearence the creature than took part in a briefing. And no one except Spock became aware of the strange behaviour of the doctor.

He accompaigned Crater and the wrong doctor to sickbay. But the creature knocked him down and killed Crater in his eagerness for salt.


Followed by Spock and Kirk it fled back to McCoy and there...


McCoy had no other chance to shoot it to rescue Kirk's life.


~ * ~


"I have to talk to Dr. McCoy." Kirk closed his report and rose. He and Spock were the only one left in the briefing-room.


Spock also rose.

"Why? Because he ignored the red alert?"


"Yes." Kirk massaged his aching temples.


"That is part of my duty as First officer, Captain. Hand this over to me."


Kirk sighed. He wasn't eager to dress down McCoy again. Not after what he had had to endure. He glanced at Spock. The Vulcan calmly returned the look.

"Okay. I just had a discussion with him. I'm not sure if it would be wise if I handle this. He could get it wrong."


"I'll speak to him now. Is he in sickbay?"


"No. In his quarters. He said something about sleep. But I'm not sure he really meant that. To me he looked like a man heading for getting drunk."


"I see."


~ * ~


Spock hesitated in front of the door. He wasn't sure if he was welcome. Slowly he rang the bell.


"Go away and leave me alone!"


Spock closed his eyes. It was obvious that McCoy was drunken. And he couldn't blame him. Spock didn't know if he really would have had the strength to act as McCoy had an hour ago.

One part of him wanted to respect the human's wish to be alone in his grief, another part - that one he did not often listen to - told him to enter the quarters. Now!


A cry somewhere between a sob and a moan and the sound of breaking glass forced him to open the door by using his override code.

The door opened with a small hiss and he stepped into, alowing it to close behind him.


There was almost no light in the quarters. Only a single candle was lit on the small table in the living area. When the Vulcan's eyes had become used to the darkness he noticed the sank down man on the floor next to the table.


He rushed over.

"Leonard! Are you injured? Lights on 30%." Spock knelt down beside his friend and grabbed his arms, trying to force him to look up.


McCoy didn't react at first, then slowly he met the concerned gaze.

"Damn it, Spock."


Then, with a deep sigh, he rose. He made a few steps away from the Vulcan.

"Kirk sent you here to dress me down?"


Spock shook his head, also rosing and clasped his hands behind his back. "No. He didn't. He wanted to talk to you for himself, but I convinced him that it is my duty."


"Your duty. I see."


Spock closed his eyes when he heard the sarkasm in his former friend's voice. When did McCoy became so bitter?

"It wasn't your fault."


"NO! It was my fault, Spock. Oh... sorry.. Commander Spock," he added ironical.

"I didn't react to the red allert. It was my fault that Crater had died. I could have stopped her."


"It. It wasn't Nancy, it was the creature. And no, Leonard, you couldn't have stopped it. And it wasn't your fault. The creature stunned you. It is illogical..."


"Oh, hell, Spock. Stop it!" McCoy furiously turned round and lifted his hands in front of the Vulcan.

"I killed her. *These* hands had killed her!"


"No. The creature had killed her about a year ago. It wasn't your fault. If you hadn't acted the way you did, all of us might be dead no. The Captain, me and you. There was no chance to avoid it. You had done the only logical."


Slowly, McCoy hid his face into his trembling hands.

"You don't understand, Spock," he almost laughed, bitter and harsh. "How could you? You're not a doctor."


He turned again and started to pace. At the divider to his sleeping area he stopped and leaned his forehead against the cool metal.

He rose his hands and stared at them as if they didn't belong to him.

"It is the second time those hands had killed, Spock. Once, I swore I would save life. I swore to do everything I'm able to help and cure. But everytime I really should help... I'm not able to help... instead I kill... I killed..."


Silent tears run down his face, dropping on the trembling hands.


Spock, unsure how he could help his friend, slowly approached him untill he stood right in front of him. He took the wet hands in his.

He emphasized every word. "You had no chance, Len. With these hands, you saved our lives. You had to shot, otherwise the creature would have killed us."


"No....God! I should have helped the creature. I should have... God.. it was Nancy..."


"No. It wasn't Nancy!"


Some minutes past by. None of them spoke or moved. Spock waited patiently untill the silent tears stopped staining the blue eyes. Then he went to the table and poured another drink.


With the glass in his hand, he returned to McCoy.

McCoy's voice was tired and calm. He shook his head. "No, thanks. I think, I've had enough for today."


Spock nodded and put the glass away, then ordered McCoy to sit down. He took a seat next to him.


"What had happened?"


Puzzled, McCoy looked up.


"Your hands. You told me, you weren't able to help twice. What happened the first time?"


"I switched off the machinerie keeping my father alive."


"I'm sure you had had no other choice."


McCoy laughed, bitter and hard. "No. I had no choice. I just wasn't well enough to find a cure for him. And then his time ran out."


"What was it he suffered from?"




Understanding, Spock pressed his lips together. He bent forward and took again McCoy's hands in his.

"There is no cure for this disease, Len. Don't blame you! On both times you couldn't have acted in any other way you did! And I'm sure, those hands *will* help and cure and save, because that's what is your destination. That's the reason why you had become a doctor."


Slowly McCoy looked up and met the tender and reassuring gaze of the brown eyes.

"You really mean that, dont' you?"


"Yes. I believe in you, Len."


A small smile appeared in the sad features of the Human.

"You should have become a psychologist, Spock. You're quite well."


"I guess, it would be better for me and my patiens-to-be to stay with my computers and logic."


McCoy laughed on the dry reply.

"Oh, hell. Go out of here, Spock. I'm tired and I need some sleep."

His sadness had vanished and he had gained some new hope and self-confidence.


Spock sensing the change in his friend's mood rose.

"I'm back on the brigde. Do you have plans for the evening?"


McCoy glanced at him. "No, not yet. What about a meal in the mess after duty?"


"Yes." A smile appeared in the corner of the Vulcan's eyes. "See you then."


McCoy sighed, when the door had closed behind Spock. Was there some hope for them? Well... time would show.

And with a lighter mood than half an hour before, he bent down to clean up the broken glass, he had smashed against the wall.


~ * ~


After their shift, they met to take a meal together.

Like a small flame, their old friendship again came to live. And both of them feeded and cared for it. 

Even the captain noticed a slight chance in their behaviour: They still went on quarreling and discussing on every occasion, but the almost uncovered agression beneath the words had gone. It was replaced by irony and a wicked sense of humor on both sides.

Believing it was a result of his dress down of McCoy some time ago, he didn't asked further.

And none of them told him the real cause.


Missions came and passed by. There were good and worse ones and slowly but irresistible the friendship between Spock and McCoy grew and deepened to the level they once have had. Except one thing: McCoy never asked Spock for more. It was hard for him to deny his wish to be more to the Vulcan than just a friend. But he knew, he couldn't bear to even loose his friendship again. So he forced himself to be content with what Spock allowed him.


Then Uhura picked up the automatic distress signal from those earth-like planet. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Rand and two security guards beamed down. It was a standard procedure as dozen of times before.


But this time.... McCoy was shocked by the loneliness and the destruction the old, half broken-down buildings radiated. In his usual manner, he hid his discomfort behind a sarcastic remark.

"The most horrible conglomeration of antique architecure I've ever seen."


They started to search for the source of the distress signal. On a pile of dirt and scrap, Kirk's gaze was caught by an old tricycle. They went over to have a closer look.

To his compagnions there was no deeper meaning in it. For McCoy however... to him it was like a symbol for his lost dreams. When the others left to examine the buildings nearby, he stayed and remembered Joanna and the joy she had brought to his live.


A screaming, horribly defaced young human stopped his musings.


From that on things went pretty bad. Soon they found out about the curse laying on this god-forsaken planet. Kirk was the first one discovering the blue marks on his skin. The security guards and then Rand followed. McCoy said nothing, just hid his own marks. Spock was the only one being completely uninfluenced by the disease.


Using all his knowledge and abilities McCoy worked without a break to find a cure. Spock stayed with him, helping him by sorting out the handwritten notices of the long-died scientists. The only thing where fate was with them, was the fact that the planet had been colonized by Terrans. So they didn't have to decipher the language.

But anything else...


Kirk tried to gain more information from Miri and the other children. He wasn't really successfull. All he managed, was to raise Miri's jealousy.


Time soon was running out and there was almost no success. They found out about the virus and it's effects in connection with glandular hormones. With this knowlegde, McCoy and Spock started to create a vaccine.


And then things went really bad.


First, Yeoman Rand dissapeared and Miri's strange behaviour told them about her participation.


Then they heard the cry of the children and hoping to get more information, Kirk, Spock and McCoy left the lab and searched for them. There was no hint where the children were hiding himself and so they returned. A sudden noise in the lab let them rush in.


It was Spock who noticed the absence of the communicators. Without them, there was no chance to verify the vaccine McCoy had created.


Hopelessness was rising in them. They had a very small chance that the vaccine was exact that what they needed. But it also could have been pure poison. All of them, except Spock, suffered from the disease. They all showed the blue blamishes and the temper was going short real fast.


After a short discussion, Kirk left to search for the communicators and Rand.


It was very quiet in the lab, when Kirk had left. Just to do something, Spock loaded an injector with the vaccine and put it on the desk.


McCoy paced restlessly. Suddenly he stopped and turned to Spock, an angry look on his face.

"We can't wait for the communicators any longer!"


Spock kept calm. He ignored the doctor's gaze. "We must. The vaccine could be fatal."


"The desease certainly is. How long do we have left? Hours? Minutes? How much longer do you want to wait? Even if you won't suffer from the disease you will starve like the children in a few months when food's running out."


Spock rose. Only the twitch of a muscle in his cheek told about his mood. "Bickering is pointless. I'll check the captain's progress."


McCoy ignored him. He was much to upset to argue with the Vulcan. Pacing again, his gaze suddenly felt upon the forgotten injector.


His decision was clear. Without hesitation McCoy injected himself the vaccine. At first, there was nothing. Then a burning pain rushed through his body. He moaned and collapsed. Gathering the rest of his strength, he screamed for Spock.


Spock heared him and immedeatedly returned to the lab. One of the security guards followed him. Kneeling down next to the unconcious McCoy, Spock noticed the empty injector and handed it over to the guard standing behind him. Then he checked McCoy's pulse and heartbeat. He took the hands of his friend in his.


The guard bent forward, concerned. "Is he dead, Mr. Spock?"


"Not yet."

Spock searched in the calm face for a lifesign. A sudden noise let him look up.


Kirk, accompagnied with the children and Rand run into the lab. He also knelt down beside McCoy.

"What happened?"


"He tested the vaccine. I found him unconcious."


"Look at his face!"


Spock turned McCoy's head to the side and together they watched the miracle.


"The blamishes are fading."

Spock glanced to his smiling captain.




Kirk rose and turned to the children but Spock stayed with McCoy. Stunned he shook his head. The courage of this man left him speechless.


"I'll never understand the medical mind," he murmured. But he understood something else.


~ * ~


McCoy soon woke up again. The first thing he noticed was the smile of his vulcan friend, still kneeling beside him. He helped him to get up.

"You're all right?"


McCoy grinned. "Yes. You can bet everything is all right. Come on, there is some work waiting for us."


The next hours were spent with verifying the vaccine, the treatment of all children and the landing party and all the bureaucratics headquarters requested after a finished mission.


Then all work was done and they where on their way to the next mission. After a brief visit on the brigde, McCoy finished his reports in his office in sickbay. Finally done, he switched off his terminal and then leaned back.

"Hell, that was close."


"Yes, it was."


McCoy almost jumped out of his chair. "Don't shock me again like that, Spock!" he coughed and turned to his unexpected visitor.


"It wasn't my intention to *shock* you. I just confirmed your assessment."


"It's okay. Come on, I'm starving. And I bet you also had had no meal yet."


Spock just shook his head.


"Do you mind if we eat in my quarters? I'm not in the mood for the mess."


"As you wish."


~ * ~


They ate in silent, as it was the Vulcan's habit. Then they sat down on the sofa with a glass of brandy.


"I must admit I wonder about your intentions down in the lab," Spock suddenly asked.


"My intentions?"


"Yes. Why did you inject the vaccine yourself? You knew very well how dangerous this action was."


McCoy nipped at his drink. "Yes. I knew that. But in this moment, for me it was the only logical thing to do."


"Logical?" A curious eyebrow went up and a sceptical gaze fixed the blue eyes.


"Yes. Logical." McCoy looked down, avoiding the gaze. Sadness appeared in his face.

"Down in that lab... I knew everything was at an end. There was no chance for us to verify the vaccine without the communicators. And you... well... I've lost everyone I loved. My father,Nancy, Joyceline, Joanna. The broken tricycle we had found down there on the street reminded me of her. The whole city was like a rising finger pointing out on my unability to help, to cure."

He sighed and swallowed his dring in one single gulp.

"I saw no chance, Spock. Neither for the mission, nor for our relationship. You know, you still mean very much to me. Much more than a friend. I had no hope left. Testing the vaccine on myself could have been a chance for all of you. If I had died, you would have known how to interprete it. And if it would have worked... well, here we are! I just had known I couldn't go on if I fail once more."


He closed his eyes and leant back.


"You hadn't failed." The almost tender voice embraced him.

Spock reached out and took McCoy's hands.

"These hands have created the vaccine under circumstances almost anyone else would have failed. But not you. I've told you some weeks ago: I believe in you."


"I knew," McCoy wispered. "But down there... everyone's temper was going short, time was running out and we made almost no progress. It seemed, as if fate had won the game."


"I don't believe in fate."


"No, you don't. You already told me that."

McCoy retreated his hands from the caressing grip. Unable to hide his sadness, he avoided Spock's gaze and rose.

"Better you leave now. It's been some hard days and we both need rest, I guess."


"I'd like to stay," Spock answere below voice.


"You... ?" McCoy just stared at him and a small flame of hope started to burn in his mind.


"Yes." Spock also rose and stood in front of McCoy.

"You once offered me something very valueable. I didn't understood the meaning at that time, nor during the last weeks. But down in that lab, kneeling beside your amost lifeless body, I learned something about you... and me. The thought of loosing you forever became unbearable. I learned that I never would  be without you, because I love you, too."


"You damned greenblodded hobgoblin! How could... I mean, why... What...?" McCoy was at a loss of words when his mind was flooded with all his hidden love for this man.


"No need to become insulting." And there it was. The bright, open smile he hungered to see again on the severe features. The smile, he tried to force out of the controlled Vulcan for months.


McCoy couldn't resist. He had to catch this bright smile and kiss him.

To his surprise, Spock didn't retreated. At first, the Vulcan didn't participate, but then he started to copy the caresses of the human lips.


After half an eternity they broke the kiss, breathless and unable to talk or even think. They just looked at each other, exchanging their mutual feelings with their eyes and the tender touches of their hands, when eventually Spock started to *kiss* McCoy the vulcan way by touching fingers.


Suddenly McCoy blushed. "I wish to *feel* you, but... " Embarassed, he looked down.


Spock laid one finger under the Human's chin and forced him tenderly to look up.

"What is it?"


"I never before... There was never a man..." McCoy searched for words. He, who never was at a loss of words and often shock his friends with his open words just wasn't able to tell Spock about his inexperience. But the Vulcan smiled.


"Don't worry. I might be young in this case, but I knew enough."

Kissing him once more, he slowly led McCoy to his bed.


None of them could tell, how they had gotten undressed, when they found each other again laying completely naked on the bed, caressing and exploring the other's body.


The warm hands touched his neck, his chest. Warm lipps played with aching nipples, licked at sweaty skin.

Soon McCoy was lost in the glowing desire, Spock's hot hands inflamed in his body and mind.

Helplessly he pressed himself against the warm lean body. Never in his life he had known such passion. And Spock didn't hold back. His temper and passion nearly overwhelmed the human.


McCoy also started to explore his lover's body. He knew the look from the medical examinations but he never had allowed himself to really notice the smothness of the black chesthair or the velvet-like skin. Now he took his time to do all the things he had dreamt about.


Caressing, his hand went deeper and deeper. He hungered to touch this georgeous sex he had never touched before.

Puzzled, he looked up when he found it lying flaccid and calm in his nest of smooth black curls.



Spock smiled, his eyes black and dilated from passion. "Don't worry. This is for you. My time will rise soon."

And kissing the Human, he embraced him and started to explore areas, no one had touched before.


McCoy moaned and forgotten was his concern, when he felt the slender fingers closing around his aching sex. Again they kissed and then Spock's other hand gently pushed between the round buttocks and found the hidden entrance.


McCoy gasped and pressed himself against the searching finger. When he felt the tip entering, he exploded.


Spock hold him tenderly untill his heartbeat and breath had slowed down again. Satiated, McCoy snuggled against him. He played with the soft black chesthair, his head resting on one shoulder.


Suddenly he looked up, searching in the calm face.

"Didn't you like it?"


"Why?  Because my body didn't react?"




Spock smiled and lifted his head, to kiss McCoy. "Don't worry, Len. As I told you before: In this case I'm much younger than you. As being a Vulcan I just had not reached the sexual maturity yet. And be reassured: I really liked your touches and caresses, although the sensations caused by them were completely new to me."


"Wait a moment... you tell me you aren't...?"


"Yes. I guess that is also the cause for my immunity to the virus."


Somehow convinced, McCoy laid back. "Yes. That makes some sense."

Then he started laughing. "So you're still a child?"


"No. Compared to Terrans more a young man near the end of puberty."


It took McCoy some time to find the ability to speak again. "And when do you think the progress will be finished?"


"I don't know. But I guess soon."


"Down at the beach, some years ago in San Franciso... When I asked you the first time... you just had been much to young, hadn't you?"


"Yes." Sleep started to caught the Vulcan and he closed his eyes.


"Fine. I'm glad, it's not too late," McCoy murmured and snuggling close his lover he closed his eyes, too.

Now he could sleep. And when he'll awake the next morning, his dreams won't fade. Spock still will be with him.

"I love you, my greenblodded hobgoblin," he whispered.


McCoy didn't care what the future might carry for them. For now he was just happy.


~~ * ~~

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