Someone to Look After Me


"SOMEONE TO LOOK AFTER ME"--A Spock/McCoy adaptation

by Pet Leopard


(I acknowledge that Star Trek, with all its trademarks and
copyrights, is a product of Paramount Studios, Inc. Any connection
to established characters is purely for entertainment and these
materials will not be sold for profit.)

Time Period: A year after Jim Kirk disappeared into the Nexus

Doctor McCoy drank his coffee slowly. The truth of the matter
was that he hated the stuff, but he needed something to keep him
warm. It was a beautiful day in Central Park. The November air
breezed by him with a certain warmth, but for some reason, he was
still cold. It was probably a case of bad nerves. Although, in
retrospect, Leonard could count on the fingers of one hand the
number of things that would provoke such a reaction. He consoled
himself with the fact that he would only have to wait five minutes
longer. Either way, he would be past the anxiety very soon. To
occupy his mind, he thought in his mind about the events of the past

It was a quiet gathering. They had all agreed to meet at
Scotty's fishing cabin in Northern Massachusetts. It was a year
after Jim died, but not one of them had completely gotten past the
grieving. Scotty and Chekov were exceptionally hard hit. They were
there when it happened. They tried to put on a brave display of
cheerfulness, but Leonard was able to see how much they were
hurting. Uhura quietly sat by herself in the corner, picking at her
salad in a half-hearted manner. Captain Hikaru Sulu was going
through the motions of making "small talk" with Christine Chapel.

Leonard arrived late to the gathering. After all these years,
he was still squeamish about having his molecules scrambled by using
the transporter. The shuttle was his only option for traveling and
tonight it was running late. On top of that, it was raining. So,
Leonard walked into the door in a grumpier mood than usual, his
trench coat soaking wet, as were his boots and the lower legs of his
uniform trousers. Seating space in Scotty's tiny cabin was limited,
so Leonard found himself walking from corner to corner, hopelessly
searching for a place to rest his tired old bones.

Just when he was at the point of collapsing, he felt a gentle
hand on his shoulder. He turned around quickly and stared into the
warm brown eyes of Captain Spock. Spock was wearing a blue toga-like
robe which covered him from head to toe, but his arms were still
exposed. Leonard couldn't help observing the fine muscularity of
Spock's well-conditioned arms. The doctor also couldn't help
noticing a very pleasant aroma that emanated from Spock's body. No
doubt, he used fine, aromatic herbal essences to adorn his skin
with. Leonard remembered that this was one of the fragrances that
Spock used to wear when he and Jim were together. As a matter of
fact, it was one of Jim's favorites.

The Vulcan nodded respectfully to the doctor. "Please sit by
me, Doctor. I reserved a seat for you." Since Spock was the closest
to Jim, Scotty made sure that his was the most comfortable of the
small couches in the cabin.

Leonard was honored by Spock's politeness. "Why thank you,
Spock. Don't mind if I do." He removed his dripping raincoat,
which Scotty immediately seized and hung up for him. "Getting here
was like traveling through the Delta Quadrant, for gawd's sake." He
collapsed into his seat and proceeded to remove his wet boots.
"You would think those Starfleet bigwigs would do more to
accommodate the needs of an old-timer like me....AH-Choo!!" Leonard
sneezed. Spock felt the doctor's forehead. Leonard liked his touch.
It was very soothing.

"You are cold. Stay right here. I will get you something to
warm yourself." Before Leonard could protest, Spock respectfully
nodded and walked into the other room. A moment later, Spock
returned with two items--a wool blanket and a hot drink. Spock put
the drink down on the table next to Leonard and wrapped the blanket
around his friend's shoulders. Leonard couldn't help but notice that
Spock kept his arm around him for a moment longer than was
necessary. The doctor didn't pull away. He felt a sensation of
warmth, not only from the blanket, but from Spock's presence.

"Thank you, Spock. It's been a while since someone took care of
me like this."

"Try the hot chocolate. I think you will like it."

Leonard put the warm drink to his lips and sipped it. It wasn't
like anything that he had ever tasted. "Spock, this is delicious.
What did you put in here? I have to have this recipe!"

"I remembered from the past that you enjoyed the taste of mint--
those mint juleps that I observed you consume bear sufficient
testimony to that fact. Therefore, I mixed it with mint, plus some
special Vulcan spices to give it a pleasing flavor."

Leonard didn't say anything. He just sipped his hot chocolate
slowly. Spock put his arm around him to straighten the blanket that
started to drape off of the doctor's shoulders. The Vulcan's arm was
still there even after the blanket was straightened. Leonard enjoyed
the warmth. He let himself be taken care of.

Scotty walked toward the center of the room and asked for
everyone's attention. He said that he felt a need to share with
everyone the events of Jim's last day. Everyone respected Scotty. He
was always able to keep a cool head under pressure. Perhaps this was
why he was able to pick himself up and accept that assignment on the
JENOLEN. He started to tell everyone how sad Jim looked on that day.
Retirement had aged him more than anything or anyone that he had
encountered as captain of the ENTERPRISE. In the middle of his
description, he just broke down and cried.

Chekov put his arm around Scotty's shoulder and gently guided
him to his chair. Then Pavel continued the description. After Jim
died, Pavel had accepted a job at Starfleet Academy, working in some
type of administrative position. He continued where Scotty had left
off and he himself was fighting back tears as he returned to his

In consecutive order Uhura, Chapel and Captain Sulu rendered
their tributes to James T. Kirk. Leonard got up to speak next. He
cleared his throat and told old "war" stories about how, time and
time again, Kirk challenged the Prime Directive, pissed off the "big
brass", and even blew up a starship in the process. He concluded
with these words: "Jim's good judgment, instinct and raw nerve saved
the lives of thousands of people. If Starfleet recruited more like
Jim Kirk, my job would have been a hell of a lot easier. Here's to
you, Jim. " He raised his mug and drank the last of his hot
chocolate, then felt his knees weaken. Spock helped him back to his

Then it was Spock's turn to speak. Before he said anything, he
excused himself and went into the other room. When he returned, he
was carrying a little harp with him. He sat down and started to
stroke the strings delicately. He sang a song about his Jim, his
dearest love. He sang it with such feeling, intensity and, yes, even
emotion. There wasn't a "dry eye" in the house when he had finished.
After a brief pause, he resumed. He said that he would very much
miss Jim's guidance and good sense when it came to a personal life
decision that he would have to make very soon. He was facing a
crossroads when it came to choosing a path to follow. A new
subdivision of Starfleet, which specialized in Covert Operations,
was trying to recruit him. If he accepted their offer, chances were
he would isolated for a very long period of time from his family and
friends. However, it would be a good opportunity to learn the truth
about many intricacies of interspecies relations that the average
officer was kept in the dark about.

His second option would be more structured and also more
confining as well. The Vulcan embassy, based at Starfleet
Headquarters in San Francisco, offered him an opportunity for an
ambassadorship. Most people who were given a nod of consideration
were called at a much younger age. However, given Spock's
accomplishments and honors, he was one of the few chosen men of his
age to be given this opportunity. It would be an exhaustive five
year training program, where he would have to be confined to Earth
for his training. Then he would have to serve an apprenticeship.
After this, he would one day replace his father, who was beginning
to suffer from ill health. At any rate, this second path would keep
him bound to Earth for at least the next ten years, and he was
unsure as to whether he wanted to confine himself for such a long
period of time. He would have to make a definite decision in the
next two days and he was unsure in which direction to turn. He
looked directly at Leonard as he finished speaking.

The other crew members, grateful for the momentary diversion
from their grief, offered some helpful suggestions. Leonard was
silent. Spock responded courteously to the others, but Leonard
couldn't help but notice that, from time to time, Spock's attention
shifted to him, although the doctor said nothing. The hours wound
down with more small talk. Spock excused himself and said that he
had much to do tomorrow and he needed some time alone to meditate.
He gave one final glance at Leonard, which was most intense. As he
turned to leave, Leonard made a quick decision. He didn't know
whether this was right or wrong, but, damn it, he knew that
sometimes you just have to follow your gut instinct.

He rose from his seat and gently touched Spock's shoulder. The
Vulcan, highly sensitive to touch, turned around immediately.

"Spock, aaah, do you have a moment? I was wondering--Oh, never

"Did you want to say something, Doctor?"

"Yeah, aaah, I was wondering if, maybe tomorrow, if there may
be some small period of time during the day when you have nothing to
do but stare at the four walls, if you wouldn't mind spending an
hour or so with a grouchy old man. By any chance, would you be free
at 1800 hours tomorrow to meet at Central Park, Strawberry Fields?
You probably have a ton of things to do...that great brain of yours
figuring out the nth root of the quadratic equation or something
like that."

Spock took out a pocket planner and punched in a few numbers.
He took his time in analyzing the data. He turned around to face
Leonard. "I just may have some time for us to meet and the location
seems agreeable. However, I have a meeting to attend a few hours
prior, therefore I cannot absolutely commit to that time. I would
like for us to meet, but will not know until that afternoon as to
whether I can be there. If you would be agreeable, though, let us
say that if I not there by 1830 hours, it means that I will
regrettably not be able to meet you. I will do my best to work
within that time period. Is this agreeable to you?"

"Oh, yeah...sure, Spock."

"Oh, and Doctor?"

"Yes, Spock?"

"The quadratic equation does not have an nth root. The
definitive factor is the square root."

Leonard laughed. "Still the same old Spock. Hope to see you
tomorrow, old friend."


That was yesterday. The time passed slowly. Leonard, wearing
his favorite old blue cardigan sweater over a flannel shirt and
jeans, looked at his digital chronometer. The time read 1829 hours.
He would give Spock another five minutes or so and then be heading

As he walked around "The Magic Circle," he wondered about the
man who this exhibit was built to honor. For 300 years, people were
coming to this place to honor the memory of John Lennon. Why did
people have to wait before they died to be so honored and
remembered? He was now an old man himself and couldn't help
wondering how he would be remembered when it was his time to pass on.

"Fascinating...The tiles in this exhibit are in such perfect
proportion and remarkably intact for their age."

Leonard heard the voice behind him and recognized it
immediately. "Spock!!" he said, grinning from ear to ear.
"You were able to make it after all!! So good to see you."

"The feeling is mutual, Doctor." The Vulcan stood tall and
straight in his hooded black parka over neatly pressed black
corduroy trousers, his hands clasped behind his back. "Can we
pick a more quiet place where we can talk in private?"

"Oh yeah, sure. I'm catching my death of cold out here."
McCoy stamped his booted feet. "There's a little cafe right near
the carousel. Finding the carousel is the hard part. It's a little
bit of a walk, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. Although I am curious; why did you pick this

"I'm a sentimental old fool, that's why! When I first got
married after getting my medical license, I took up residence in
this city a couple of blocks from here. I used to bring my daughter
over here when she was just a little girl. Coming here always makes
me feel younger and reminds me of happier times."

They started to walk towards the carousel. "It is not at all
foolish to be sentimental," Spock reassured him. "It is a
part of living one's life. Such behavior is not only normal, but
indeed essential for well-being. I must admit to experiencing
moments of deprivation when I think about Jim."

"We all miss him, Spock."

"It goes beyond deprivation, Doctor. Jim and I were bonded, so
there was a link between us. It was logical to assume that when he
died, I would not "feel" him anymore. However, a certain part of me
is very much aware of his presence. Indeed, it is as though he is
alive, but very far away. In some other dimension, perhaps."

"What else do you sense?"

"He is happy and at peace and has mated with someone else, a
female perhaps. He misses me, but wishes that I go on without him."

"Spock, I know little about psychology. But I say this... we
all handle the death of a loved one in a different way. I guess this
is your way of coping and that's fine. I suppose we can both agree
that if Jim were here now, he would want us to be happy and get on
with our lives."

"A logical conclusion, Doctor."

"Speaking of logical conclusions, are you any closer to making
that decision that you have to make in the next couple of days?"

"It is quite a dilemma, actually. I walked into yesterday's
gathering mostly sure of what my course of action would be. However,
today I am leaning towards the opposite direction. Tell me
something, Doctor, if you were in my position, what would you do?"

"Wow, Spock! That's quite a question. I'll tell you what my
father told me. I was considering whether to go into medicine or
law, when I first graduated college. I put the decision off till the
last minute until I didn't have time anymore to decide, so I looked
to Dad to point me in the right direction. He said that I would
drive myself crazy if I stayed and thought about the positives. They
both are about equal. However, it's what you give up that's the
important thing to consider. What will you sacrifice in order to
make your choice? What can't you afford to give up? I mean, ten
years down the line, what do you think you would be kicking yourself
about? I don't know if I'm making sense here..."

"Yes, Doctor. I understand perfectly. I believe that my
decision has been made. Thank you for your words of advice." They
walked in silence for a few minutes. Leonard was burning with
curiosity over Spock's secretive behavior, but he felt that by
probing further, it might be an invasion of his friend's privacy.

"Spock, you and I have known each other for years, so I believe
I can share my feelings with you. Heck, if I don't do this now,
chances are I'll never get up the nerve to do this again."

"Please proceed, Doctor."

"Spock, this is difficult for me, so please bear with me. Ever
since that Moo Goo Gai Pan or whatever it was called--"

"Fal Tor Pan, Doctor."

"Yeah, right, Fal Tor Pan. Anyway after that ceremony--well,
I've never been quite the same. I mean, before that experience, I
never quite understood you... I've worked with you and I thought of
you as little more than a computer with legs. However, having your
consciousness be a part of me for that short period of time, for the
first time, I understood who you were. I felt your hurt, your pain,
your great strain at having to hold back emotion. That experience
affected me very deeply. I was never quite the same afterwards...I
mean, am I making sense here?"

"Yes," Spock said, stopping to look at his friend, the
setting sun highlighting his dark features. "Having my Katra mixed
with your consciousness, I sensed a part of you that I never knew
existed before. Your warm, nurturing nature enveloped me, and I felt
very secure in trusting my most precious essence to your care. I
even admit to feeling a sense of loss after the ceremony which
separated us was performed."

"You too? I thought it was only me!" Even though Leonard
usually felt cold at this time of year, he could feel himself
sweating profusely under his thick cardigan. "Spock, I need to
tell you something. Something which is very hard for me to say.. I
am beginning to feel... I mean to say that I...I..." Leonard
blushed and looked away. "Oh, forget about it, Spock! I'm just
talking nonsense."

"Are you saying, Doctor, that you are starting to develop
feelings of affection for me?" The Vulcan's deep voice sounded
gentler than usual.

"Oh, gods. I'm so ashamed! I'm sorry I ever brought this up.
This is so embarrassing." Leonard started to walk away quickly in
the opposite direction. He wanted to get away from everything and
just hide himself. He had crossed the line and he didn't know
whether he could handle the consequences. He leaned up against a
tree to steady himself. Then he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.
It was Spock's.

"Leonard, my friend. There is, indeed, no shame in these
feelings. It is part of our nature and the nature of life itself. To
put it more specifically, Doctor, I share your feelings."

"What exactly are you saying?"

"I am saying that I love you, Leonard McCoy. Ignoring and
repressing these feelings is not healthy for either of us. Seeing
you last night just reinforced my resolve. I've made my decision to
accept the ambassadorship, so that we could have the time and
opportunity to get to know each other better. I very much want you
to be a part of my life."

"So where do we go from here?"

"As my own father would advise, we take life day by day. We
live in the present. The past is irrelevant and the future will take
care of itself."

"I sort of like that advice. Listen, Spock, it's getting dark out
now. What do you say we forget the café? I still held on to the
same residence where I used to live with my wife and daughter. Would
you like to come home with me and let me cook you dinner?

"No offense, Doctor. I have tasted your cooking and the results
have given me pause to wonder as to why you have remained so well
preserved for so many years. We need to do some shopping, and
whether you approve or not, I am going to make sure that you eat
good, healthy food from now on."

"Ha! The only way you could do that is to move in with me and
watch me 24/7."

Spock didn't answer, but he raised his eyebrow in a very
sensual manner.

"I guess you're right, Spock. I do need someone to look after


Leonard, who was expecting an indication of Spock's own
vulnerability, but received none, just laughed. "Still the same old
Spock! Some things never change."

Spock looked directly into McCoy's eyes. "I suppose it is
logical to conclude that this is the reason why you love me. "

Leonard didn't answer. He just held the Vulcan's hand
affectionately as they walked toward the nearest park exit.