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Title: MORE PIRATE TALK
Author: Artemis
Series: TOS
Pairing: Kirk and Crew
Rating: PG
Summary: The Enterprise meets a real pirate.
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom own Star Trek. No infringement intended, no money being made.
Author's Note: In honour of September 19th International TALK LIKE A PIRATE day.  A follow up to "Talk Like a Pirate."  Thanks to XXXXX for the beta. All mistakes are mine. Criticism is not welcome, but will be tolerated.
Archive: The Spock/McCoyote's Den

MORE PIRATE TALK

The Enterprise hung still in the vastness of space, her starboard nacelle battle scarred. Once again, they had defeated the Romulans, but not without considerable cost to the ship.  The engines had to be repaired immediately.

Scotty was on the bridge, coordinating actions of his various work crews.  Occasionally, he snuck a glance over at the lovely Lt. Uhura and when their glances met they smiled.

Commander Spock was analyzing the latest data concerning a new weapon the Romulans had deployed.  He and Dr. McCoy were arguing softly.  It was a fascinating piece of technology.  McCoy could not see how anything that lethal could be considered fascinating.

Yeoman Rand handed Captain Kirk the final damage reports and a sandwich.  He had not eaten since the attack began and probably would not leave the bridge until he felt "his" ship was space worthy again. He just couldn't sleep soundly while she listed.

Lt. Sulu and Ensign Chekov sat at their consoles.  Sulu applied tiny amounts of thrust to keep the old girl steady.  Chekov was monitoring sensors from his station. 

"Keptin, there is a small wessel approaching us at varp three."  The ensign said.

"On screen," he snapped.

Vessel was a good name for it.  Probably the most dignified nomenclature ever applied to the mismatched group of parts that somehow comprised a spaceship.  Its body was an old type II Orion trader, with port nacelle from a Klingon bird of prey and the starboard from a Star Fleet garbage scow.  It hove to 100 kilometers off the Enterprise's bow.

"Sir," Uhura said, "we are being hailed."

"Put it through, Lieutenant."

The captain of the vessel was a match for his ship, until then Kirk would have sworn that Orions and Feringi could not mate.  From now on he was ready to swear they should not.  He had a round head and large ears that stuck out at different angles.  His skin was a mottled beige and olive drab.  His nose was a smear in the middle of his face and his teeth what there was of them were pointed and brown.

"I am the Dread Pirate Roget." He said in badly accented Standard. "Foundering Federation ship, drop your shields and prepare to be boarded.

Kirk raised his hand to his mouth to hide his amusement.  He whispered aside to Chekov, "Can he hurt us?" 

"Only if we increase magnification on his face -- sir.  Without shields we could withstand both of his laser cannons."

Kirk signaled Uhura and spoke to Roget. "This is Captain James T. Kirk of the Star ship Enterprise.  Please, repeat your message."  Jim wore his best poker face.

"I said, drop your shields and prepare to be boarded or …"

There was tension on the bridge.  Scotty could not meet Nyota’s eye.  Leonard moved away from the science station and ordered his face to remain passive.  Spock was suddenly very interested in his viewer.  Janice looked at Hikaru his shoulders were shaking.  Pavel’s head was down.

"Or…" Kirk prompted.

"Or you will be blown to kingdom come!"  Blustered the dread pirate.

The bridge exploded with laughter. 

When he had caught his breath and wiped his eyes, Kirk said:  "Scotty, do we have enough power to subdue to menace to space?"

"Aye, but why? Scott replied.

"Because it's our job, after all he is a pirate." Jim explained.

"Well, he certainly talks like a pirate." McCoy concluded.

FIN