Multiply it by 2

Summary: Spock overhears and expression he doesn't understand. *Multiply it by 2* McCoy looked up from his desk to see the first officer standing in his doorway. If Spock were fully human, McCoy would have said that Spock looked . . .well . . . confused. It was a most disconcerting sight he realized. If Spock were confused, things could not be good. "Mr. Spock? What brings you here?" "I am in need of assistance, doctor?" Spock looked at the charts hung directly behind McCoy's head. "What's up? Come on, let's go into an exam area." Spock held up his hand to halt the doctor. "I am not in need of medical assistance, doctor. Rather I am in need of your linguistic expertise." "Linguistic expertise? I'm a doctor, not a linguist, Spock. Did you hit your head on something?" Spock moved to take the chair across from McCoy and waited. McCoy, starting to realize this was more personal rather than professional, activated the privacy lock for the door. "Linguistic, huh? Someone said something and you can't figure out what it means?" "Precisely, doctor. I have exhausted the ships references and can find no logical meaning for the statement." "Well, that's part of the problem, ya know. Human language isn't always logical. If it were, we would park on parkways and drive on driveways, not the other way around." McCoy couldn't resist teasing Spock, at least a little. He did appreciate the fact that Spock came to him for help; that honor was not lost on him. "Why don't you tell me what was said?" "I bet he's a good thirty-four and a half." "Sounds like a reference to someone's age to me." "But the statement was made in reference to me and I am not thirty- four point five." "Well it's hard to tell a Vulcan's age, Spock. Maybe . . ." "The statement was made by Lt. Thanatos. She entered the academy the same semester I did. She could make a reasonable guess as to my age." "Oh. Huh. Who did she say this to?" "Dr. Erdogan." "Our visiting dentist?" "Yes. I overhead them in the gymnasium." "And you had been working out?" "Yes." "Well, there you go, Spock. Nothing to worry about." "Please explain." "Two women, talking about a half-naked Vulcan in a gym. They were talking in code. Probably a rating, probably meant as a compliment." "A rating? What sort of rating? What are the criteria on which I am being rated?" "Well, two human females, I can only guess, but the typical rating is one to ten. So if Thanatos thinks you're a thirty-four and a half, she must think you're really good." "Good? At gravity ball then." "That what you were playing?" "Yes." "Wearing your . . . uh . . .black shorts? "No. The white ones. I played defense today. But I fail see . . ." "But they didn't, I bet." "Doctor?" "Spock, those white shorts leave little to the imagination. I suspect you were being rated on your . . . endowments." One raised eyebrow. "They were guessing my measurements?" "Could be, though I bet it's more that you were being rated on your perceived sexual attributes and likely performance in bed." The eye brow lowered. Spock swiveled the chair. "A similar comment was made about you." "Wait a minute. I wasn't there. I haven't been in the gym this week. And I don't think I've seen Thanatos since her last quarterly physical." "Dr. Erdogan made the comment." "Back up. Give me this conversation verbatim would you?" "Thanatos: I bet Spock is a good thirty-four and a half. Erdogan: I bet he is too. Thanatos: Who do you think is also thirty-four and a half? Kirk? Erdogan: Nah. I'd say McCoy. Thanatos: Really? Why's that? Erdogan: Well that's my fantasy. Blue eyes, great hands, cute butt. And when he goes all Southern on you . . .Thanatos: No pun intended. (At which point Erdogan laughed) Edrogan: You know what I mean. I just bet McCoy's a good thirty-four and half, too. And I just hope he's a thirty-four and half with Spock." Spock had watched with interest as McCoy's expression changed from amusement, to embarrassment, to something he couldn't quite distinguish. After a moment of silence, Spock asked, "Well, doctor." McCoy leaned forward over his desk and rested his gaze directly on the Vulcan's mouth. "Spock, if you're a thirty-four and half, and I'm a thirty-four and a half, what do we have?" "Two thirty-four and a halves." McCoy smiled. "And two thirty four and halves equals what?" "Sixty-nine. Lt. Thanatos and Dr. Erdogan think that we?" He left the thought unspoken. "So it would seem. Do you wish to say anything to them?" "I see no point in confirming their suspicions, do you doctor?" "No, especially as how you and I are not good thirty-four and a halves. We're very good."