McCoy had been missing in the dangerous wilderness for more than a day, and
the Vulcans were so concerned about him that they were actually having more
than usual difficulty concealing their soft spots for their crusty but
vulnerable crewmate and friend. When at last they found him, Spock,
accompanied by Spacek, Spencek, Spornak, and Spivak, carried him back to the
comparative safety of their cave, pushed the big rock against the entrance
to shut out the vicious weather, and laid him down beside their inviting
He curled up and cried, in shock and relief.
Spock explained to the others, After such an ordeal, humans need to be
comforted, both physically and verbally. So saying, he stroked the humans
head, neck, and throat. Easy, Leonard. It is all right now. It was only
due to Spocks superior familiarity with McCoy, and the doctors present
great need, that he was able to put aside his normal reservation in front of
his fellow Vulcans. Though they were all beneath him in rank, he still
wanted their approval, as he would not have if theyd been humans.
McCoy whimpered pitifully, not nearly recovered from his ordeal.
Spocks hand caressed his face. Humans need to be touched. It is consoling
and soothing to them, he explained.
Curious and compassionate, Spencek advanced an experimental hand to McCoys
chest, I will help to reassure him.
Gradually, McCoys spirits seemed to improve under their patient
ministrations. In cooperation, and giving in to their curiosity, Spornak and
Spivak each rubbed a leg of the prone human. McCoy sighed happily,
contentedly. Then, Spornaks hand strayed up the back of the humans leg to
McCoy jumped. Spornak!
The hand withdrew. Is something wrong?
Yes! That place is rathersexual.
Is there a problem with that?
Spivaks hand wandered purposefully up the front of McCoys leg and
delicately probed his sex organs through the pants, making McCoy gasp.
Spivak inquired, Would you object to sex with us Leonard?
Completely undone by the unexpected question, the human shrieked.
Spock explained, Leonard, Vulcans take homosexuality quite lightly. We see
it as a healthy, harmless release, without consequence.
We dont! McCoy protested, To us, its a serious life-decision!
I am aware of that. But we thought that it might soothe you, Spock
Besides, Spivak said, we are curious. Is it really pink?
You mean my, McCoy stopped himself. Uh, well, yeah, I guess so. He
As pink as your face is right now? Spornak suggested helpfully.
Let us see, Spencek urged hopefully.
Uh, well, I.
But Spencek had already busied himself with the humans trousers. To McCoys
dismay, the waistband proceeded promptly to his ankles. Something pink
protruded innocently and daintily before their alien eyes. Even the most
reserved, Spacek, leaned forward for a closer look.
Oh, it is tiny. Spivak was pleased.
And pink, because of your red blood. Spornak was intrigued.
As pink as an Earthly rose. Spencek was intrigued.
Now whats so unusual about that?! McCoy blurted without thinking. A split
second after he said it, he realized that it had been a mistake.
Sure enough, Spock rejoined smoothly, Ours is green. Would you like to
By that time, something large and green and formidable came out to greet
Oh my god!
Spock misunderstood. It is because our blood is green.
No, no, thats not whats upsetting me!
Then what? Spock wondered mildly.
Its too big!
Too big for what? Spencek asked in all seriousness.
Too big for me!!
Naturally, Spornak observed literally, since it is not yours.
No! McCoy was frustrated and terrified. I dont want you to hurt me!
Spivak was taken aback. Of course not, Leonard. If you recall, our purpose
here is to comfort you.
McCoy hesitated, suspicious. Exactly what is it you intend to do with me?
If of course, we were to actually have any sexual interaction.
Spock spoke as if he were stating the obvious, Why, pet you until you reach
What else could there be?
You mean thats all that your people do in homosexuality?
Of course. It was Spocks turn to be suspicious. Do humans do more than
McCoy stammered, Uhum.
Leonard? Spock prompted.
Uhno! No. McCoy did not sound convincing.
Spock reached a tentative hand toward McCoys head, comfortable enough in
their friendship to believe that hed be welcome to probe and take the
information directly. He assumed that McCoy was merely uneasy at the
prospect of saying it aloud, and could impart the information mentally
No! McCoy pulled away. Please!
Spock stopped reluctantly, now realizing the truth. Very well. If you do
not wish for us to know, I will not violate your privacy.
McCoy sighed in relief.
Spock tilted a quizzical brow at him. I am of course curious to know this
human secret. But since our purpose after all is to comfort you, and this
information, apparently, does not seem to do so.
Oh, it wouldnt. Believe me, it wouldnt.
Spock nodded. I have no wish to agitate you further. He reached a tender,
petting hand to McCoys sexual organs.
Spencek suggested, Someday, perhaps, you will share this human secret with
us. For now, however, it is irrelevant.
McCoy smiled, and in relief and genuine enjoyment of their undeniable
physical skills, finally began to relax in their care.
A few days after they were rescued by the Enterprise, the Vulcans visited
McCoy in his quarters.
Spock stated solemnly, We have done some research, and investigated the
nature of this secret of yours, regarding human homosexuality.
McCoy waited and, knowing the lengths to which Spornak and Spivak in
particular would go to tease him, tensed himself to run, even while knowing
that escape was hopeless.
Our reaction, Spock went on, is best summarized by a human expression.
McCoy backed up one step, and against his better judgment, asked, What
Spock quoted, Youve got to be kidding.
As McCoy blinked in amazement, the Vulcans turned and left.