Stuck in a Spaceport with a Grouchy Vulcan

Title:  Stuck in a Spaceport with a Grouchy Vulcan

Author:  Ster J

Codes:  TOS; S/Mc; humor

Rating:  PG

Part 1 of 1

Summary: See title

 

“--” denotes a lull in the conversation

A/N:  Had too many airports, and far too many delayed flights lately.  WWS/McD?

 

—ooOoo—

 

Why did you write that?

 

Write what, Spock?

 

“Stuck in a Spaceport with a Grouchy Vulcan.”

 

Why, that’s just the title to a story I’m writing.  I want to distract myself while we are waiting for this blasted rust bucket to take off.

 

--

 

What? No clever repartee?

 

Your statement had so many fallacies and leaps of illogic that I do not know where to begin.

 

Try me.

 

The craft we await is a public transport, not a “rust bucket.”  If you thought so little of it, why did you agree to board it?

 

I prefer terra firma, Spock, or whatever is passing for it in these neck of the woods.  And don’t talk about woods not having necks.  It’s an idiom, Spock, a more colorful way of speaking.

 

Such imprecise language serves no purpose.

 

Sure it does.

 

Enlighten me.

 

It’s something to fill the time while we wait for the powers that be to let us aboard.

 

I see.

 

--

 

And Vulcans do not get “grouchy.”

 

Like hell they don’t!

 

I have excellent hearing, Doctor, of which you are well aware.  I can hear your muttering.

 

Don’t I know it.

 

You are muttering again.

 

--

 

So what are you writing?

 

I’m writing about that family with the two small girls over there.  The father is trying to cut that banana for them to share with a plastic knife.  Good luck with that, fella.

 

See how patient the girls are, and how politely they held up their disposable cups to their mother to fill with milk.  They seem very well behaved for human children.

 

What’s that supposed to mean?

 

Just an observation, Doctor.  Notice the family with the younger daughters in that direction. 

 

The ones who are screaming and throwing anything they can get their hands on?

 

That is the type of behavior I have usually observed with human children.

 

--

 

What are you writing now?

 

That little old lady over there.  I wonder if that elderly lady should be travelling alone.

 

She will not be alone, Leonard.  She will be travelling with an accomplished doctor.

 

Aw, that’s sweet of you to say, Spock.

 

Doctor Hatfield will be on this flight as well.

 

Hmph.

 

Now who is grouchy, my Leonard?

 

Never mind, smart-ass.  Check out our flight crew over there.  The pilot must be watching something funny on his padd.  He’s laughing his fool head off.

 

That sounds painful.

 

You don’t fool me at all with that idiomatic na´vetÚ, Spock.  I know you know what I’m talking about.  Why do you waste your time jawing over it?

 

It is something to fill the time.

 

“Attention on the concourse.  Due to the continued ion storm, this flight will leave 115 minutes later than scheduled.  We apologize for any inconvenience.”

 

What?!  I refuse to waste any more of our leave waiting in this flea trap for transport!

 

I know of a more profitable way to pass the time.

 

What do you have in m … Spock!  I am not doing that in public!

 

Oh, it will be a very private rendezvous, Len-kam, just the two of us.

 

Where?

 

Right here.  Pull my cloak over the both of us.  Now take my hand.

 

What do I need to do?

 

Just relax. 

 

*Gasp!*

 

Relax.  Breathe normally.  There.

 

Are we still in the spaceport, Spock?  I swear I can smell plumeria.

 

Yes, we are still awaiting transport.  No, there are no plumeria here.  We are sharing only memories.

 

A trip down Memory Lane, eh?  A vacation in our heads is the cheapest way to travel.

 

Perhaps, but I fully intend to do all the things we planned once we arrive at our destination.  But for now, this will have to suffice.

 

What things did you have in mind?  Oh!  Oh, my!  Now I see why you had me cover us with your robe. Spock, I didn’t know you could be so very naughty! 

 

I have my moments.

 

Well, this will certainly be a memorable honeymoon.

 

So am I still grouchy?

Not as grouchy as I’m going to be if they don’t get this blasted rust bucket to take off!

 

Shouting will not get the ion storm to clear any sooner.

 

Maybe you’d better take me back to that mental vacation, Spock.

 

It would be my pleasure.

 

No, what I plan to do to you will be my pleasure!

 

--

 

Why, Mister Spock, I do believe you are smiling!

 

With good cause, Doctor. With good cause.

 

END

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