Title:The Second Time
Fandom: Star Trek the original series
the show and its characters are Paramount's, no
infringement intended. No profit being made.
The first time I saw you I was struck speechless. Not because I
thought you were gorgeous
nor sexy, even though you are both. Not
out of surprise to see you, a Vulcan on board, nor was it out of
fear of the
unknown. No, the thing that made me stop and stare was
your complete and utter severity.
You were standing by your
post, if memory serves me correctly, face
so expressionless and yet so forbidding. As if you were hard at work
as many shields around you as you could. I immediately got
the sense that these shields were not erected out of a need
protect yourself and yet why else would you put up shields? Your
very severity, your forbidding shields made me intensely
about you. I was seized by a need to poke at you to see if I could
get beyond those shields.
time I saw you, we argued. You advocating the need to
rely on logic and severe control of one's emotions, me trying to
out the value of intuition and taking into account not only
your emotions, but emotions of those around you as well. Like
the arguments we've had since, it turned out we were both right. As
we argued back and forth on logic, intuition
and a host of other
things, well you became so focused on presenting your argument that
your shields flickered for a
moment and I saw a glimpse of your soul
for the first time.
I am still awed by that first - the first time I glimpsed
So much complexity, vibrancy and strength swirling around a core of
integrity within you that I was astounded.
So many different facets
of you twirling about the core in a maelstrom, the fierceness of the
storm kept under a tight
rein by you. It was amazing, glorious, and
so breath catching that I tumbled head over heals in love with you
then and there.
The second time I glimpsed your soul, it was in pain. The way your
eyes cried out to me, trying
to find solace had me wanting to carry
you off in my arms and keep you safe within them forever. Heck, I
that way and always will. However, I knew then that you
have this deep need to stand on your own two feet in the face of
devil himself, if need be, and I know you still have that need now.
A deep, endless desire to show you can stand
up for yourself and
care for yourself. A fierce ache within you to prove yourself to
yourself - an ache I sometimes
think you have because you think you
aren't quite enough of something. Not quite Vulcan enough, not quite
a leader, not quite as dedicated to science and logic as
you think you should be, just not quite enough.
always be puzzled and confused by this, for you are more than
quite enough. You are amazing in my eyes. You have a vibrant
powerful soul and I am glad to bask in your presence as often as is
The first time we kissed was
a bit, well, not quite awkward, more
prosaic. That first kiss was prosaic in the sense of being very
very matter-of-fact. Very businesslike, as if
wanting to get it done and out of the way. Nothing to write home
the romantics among us would say that the first kiss with the
right person for you is magical and electric, something that
you know this is the right choice for you. But, with both of us
being so contrary and stubborn it wasn't our first
kiss that made me
know we were right for each other. No, it was our second. The way
you slowly savored my lips, licking
along the bottom lip and then
dipping your tongue briefly into my mouth ... I still melt when I
remember it. How it
made my knees weak, my brain turn to mush and my
heart flutter faster than a hummingbird's wings. I knew with that
that I wanted to be with you for an eternity.
The first time we went on a date was a disaster. You know, it still
me we had quite a few kisses before we went on a date of any
kind. Guess we're odd that way. Anyway, I'm sure you remember
walking together to the mess hall and you arranging for a candlelit
supper. The candle toppling onto the tablecloth
and setting it on
fire. Chekov throwing the first liquid he saw onto the fire and it,
unfortunately being Vodka. Then
when the fire was actually out, our
food drenched in Vodka, fire repellent and inedible. The fact that
all that was
the better part of that night, maybe others would take
that as a bad sign and figure maybe we shouldn't try again, but
you and I are contrary.
The second time we went on a date was wonderful. No candlelit
dinner, come to think of it
we've never had another candlelit
dinner. We just went to a normal table in the mess hall, ate
together, flirted, walked
to an observation lounge together and got
in some serious petting. Touching each other everywhere but the most
places, kissing and savoring each other more than we had
savored our meal. You walking me home and joining me in my bed,
on just holding me all night. Well, it was magical.
The first time we married was wonderful, nerve wracking and chaotic.
were on board Enterprise, far from Earth at the tail end of the
first 5-year mission we were on together. I remember shaking
boots, trying to loosen the collar of the dress uniform I was
wearing and being so happy I thought I would burst.
There you were,
in your dress uniform; looking so darn sexy I wanted to have my way
with you right there and then, but
somehow restrained myself. You
with Chekov as best man, since Jim was performing the ceremony and
me with Scotty as
my best man. I know we asked Jim to do a mix of
human and Vulcan traditions in the ceremony, but for the life of me
can't remember what he said. All I know is how happy I was when we
kissed for the first time as man and husband. And how
started to dance with joy the second time we kissed as man and
I thought my soul would always
dance with joy as I had you and your
love for me, my love for you.
Then, oh God, then...
The first time you
died, oh God how I thought I would die too. A big
ole empty hole where you used to be. I felt as if a vacuum had
all the joy out of me. As if my soul imploded and my heart
was breached to space. For awhile I thought I wouldn't survive
death and then I started to feel vague hints of you. Then I
could `feel' your presence in my mind again, I could
hear you, but I
couldn't see you anywhere, I couldn't touch you and I knew you were
dead. I thought I was going crazy
and in a way I was, as I just
couldn't bear the weight of your katra in your mind especially as I
had no idea what it
was at the time.
I won't ever survive a second death from you, so, I'll say again
that if you ever die on me again,
I'll kill you. And I mean that
with all my love, from the bottom of my heart.
The only thing that saved my sanity
was learning just why it was I
kept being able to `feel' you and hear you even though you were
dead. And I had to hear
that from Jim. Getting your katraless body
back sure was an experience and a half.
Then after your body and katra
were rejoined and the healers worked
with you awhile on getting mind, body and katra to work together,
you back to us. The first time I saw you after the
ceremony, I saw no glimmer of recognition. No knowledge of what we
were together and I died a little inside. Sure, you started to
show a bit of recognition and when you went to Jim and said,
name is Jim" I joined the celebration, but there was still a part of
me wondering if you'd ever remember just
what you and I were to each
The second time I saw you after your re-birth, you came right up to
shining from those endless eyes of yours. A tiny hint of
regret and sorrow in there and yet a bare hint of a smile on your
"T'Hyla" was the only thing you said then, but it was enough.
I knew that we would regain what we had with each other,
what we had from the rubble left over from your death and that we
would find strength in each other again. And
in time we did, much
longer than I had hoped, but when we got it all back together, the
fact it had taken quite a while
to do so, made our reunion so much
The second time we married, about a year after we moved George and
a few hundred years in time, well, it was even more magical
than the first. I don't know how we managed to surpass the
wedding, but we did. Admiral Martin performing the ceremony, Jim by
your side, Scotty by mine, you in that Vulcan
robe of yours that
brings out your eyes and me in that blue-grey suit of mine that you
like. There was a lot that made
it even more special for me, one
thing being how blessed I felt to have gotten you back from the
dead, literally, and
had a second chance to have a life full of love
for you and from you.
That and my daughter and her two sons being
there, your parents also
there, and it being outside my old family home among the magnolia
blossoms, well it was perfect.
We kissed and then we spent time with
both blood family and our Enterprise family. We talked, danced, ate
and just held
each other at the reception afterward. It was perfect.
Today is the second anniversary of the second time we got married.
love you with my whole heart, soul and mind and always will. Your
love has fulfilled me in ways I can never quite
put words to. You
have made me a better person, a better husband, a better doctor,
than I ever thought I could be. You
are my heart, my soul, my reason
for being and I rejoice that we're still together after so many
years. I look forward
to sharing the rest of my life with you, its
ups and downs and its `hell, I have no idea which side is up'
I know you're the right person for me and am so glad we
found each other both the first time and the second.
to you, my husband, my love, I say again, I will treasure each
day that we are together. I will love you for a lifetime,