--ooOoo--
Leonard McCoy was sitting in the dark.
No. It wasn't completely dark. There were streaks
of light from the distortion of the starfield while in warp illuminating the dimness. But not even the brightest of
novas could illuminate the darkness of one human's heart.
Leonard McCoy was sitting in the dark.
He had completed Spock's autopsy, washed and prepped him for burial
in space, all done alone. He said he didn't want to risk contaminating anyone else with the radiation that still emanated
from the Vulcan's remains. Truth was, the doctor didn't want anyone to hear him talking to Spock as he tenderly did
this last service for him.
Leonard McCoy was sitting in the dark.
He supposed he was in shock. He expected to weep or to rave
over the Vulcan's body as he wiped the blood away. Instead, he worked like an automaton. Every procedure was by the
book perfect and efficiently executed. It was like he had become someone else. It was as if he was channeling
. . . Spock.
Leonard McCoy was humming in the dark.
A melody had been going through his head as he worked over Spock's
body, dancing at the edge of his awareness. The melody was hauntingly sweet, its lyrics poignant, at least, what he
could remember of them. "Computer," he finally called, "cue up melody and lyrics for the song 'You'll Never Know,' 20th
century Earth."
SPECIFY PERFORMER, the computer requested. McCoy checked
the list of singers and picked someone by the name of Frank Sinatra. He had a vague familiarity with that name.
You'll never know just how much I miss you
You'll never know
just how much I care
And if I tried, I still couldn't hide my love for you
You ought to know, for haven't I told you
so
A million or more times?
You went away and my heart went with you
I speak your name
in my ev'ry prayer
If there is some other way to prove that I love you
I swear I don't know how
You'll never know
if you don't know now
You'll never know just how much I miss you
You'll never know
just how much I care
You said good-bye, no stars in the sky refuse to shine
Take it from me, it's no fun to be alone
With
moonlight and memories*
Leonard McCoy was weeping in the dark.
He pressed his hands against the viewport as tears streamed down
his face at last. Regrets! Regrets were the most difficult things to bear with Spock's passing. Leonard
should have known better. He should not have kept his feelings to himself. He should have not been so damned stubborn.
He should have declared his feelings to Spock. Even if Spock had rejected his oh so illogical feelings, at least the
Vulcan would have known what he meant to the doctor, and how much he was loved.
Leonard McCoy was singing in the dark.
You'll never know just how much I miss you
You'll never know
just how much I care
You said good-bye, no stars in the sky refuse to shine
Take it from me, it's no fun to be alone
With
moonlight and memories*
"Oh, Spock," Leonard moaned, "what a fool I was. I should
have told you, I should have!" His hands moved to wipe his prints off the "glass," but he ended up caressing the smooth
surface as if it was Spock's face. "I'll carry my love for you always, always. I'll never forget you. I'll
always remember -- "
Remember!
END
__
*YOU'LL NEVER KNOW (written by Mack Gordon and Harry
Warren, Copyright 1943 WB Music Corporation)
