Title: A Little Respect

Author: Qzeebrella

Author's e-mail: qzeebrella@yahoo.com

Date: March 23, 2005

Submitted to: Spock/McCoy e-zine

Series: Star Trek the Original Series

Disclaimer: the show and its characters belong to Paramount, no profit is being made.

Rating: kid safe

Pairing: Spock/McCoy

Summary: Leonard yearns for Spock's respect and more.

Dedicated to Lyrastarwatcher for letting me quote her within. "The longer I do this the more awed and humbled I am by the miracle that is life and the more I learn about how our bodies work, the less I understand."

"I think that my biggest regret about dying will be that I never understood anything about life...and never will." Which are either paraphrased or directly quoted within.

***

You know Spock; there are times when we really know how to hurt each other. I'm sure there are times when my persistent teasing and sometimes outright insults have hit you hard. Yet, if I recall correctly, I have never insulted your ability to do your job. Sure I might call you an unfeeling computer or a pointed eared hobgoblin, but have I ever implied you're ability to do the job is primitive? I don't think so and yet you've implied that with me. The latest incident was when your brain was disembodied and actually a literal part of a computer. Bit ironic that, someone I called an unfeeling computer made to be part of a computer. Any way, at that time you said you might trust me to remove a splinter or lance a boil and your tone implied that that was the most you would trust me to do.

That hurt Spock that really hurt. I know I've complained a lot about how you are put together anatomically. None of your organs are where anyone else keeps them and you do have a very unique body chemistry, in fact it's one of a kind. What is typical of human-Vulcan crossbreeds is not typical of you. You were the first and though the doctors figured out how to help your parents have a biological child they have made the method a bit more efficient. They did so partly in order to make sure its not as dangerous to the bearer of the child to carry the baby to term as it was for your mother. I know there is a lot I need to learn about your anatomy, that many of the vitamin supplement drinks I've made for you taste like sludge, and that at times it must seem to you as if I'm just muddling through as best as I can in your care. I'll tell you a secret though, I have over a decade of training by other doctors behind me, I have over a decade now of being a fully trained doctor and I certainly know more about your anatomy and how you are put together than almost anyone else. I usually know what I'm doing.

Yeah, I know, you heard me say usually. I know you'll take that to mean I don't know enough, use it to strengthen your belief that my methods are just a step above using beads and rattles. There's something you should know though, just as you keep on discovering new and strange planets, stars and stellar phenomenon, doctors keep on discovering new and strange things about how things work inside the body, new diseases, and new treatments. Hell the longer I do this, the more awed and humbled I am by the miracle that is life and the more I learn about how our bodies work, the less I understand. I think that my biggest regret about dying will be that I never understood anything about life...and never will. That's not to say I don't know what I'm doing, its just to say sometimes my patients defy medical science that their recovery should not be possible, but there they go and recover.

I know what I'm doing Spock, most of the time. I'm a damn good doctor even if I call myself an old-fashioned country doctor. I do the best I can every day for the lives entrusted to my care. Just like Jim, I have the whole crew depending on me and just like Jim I delegate and share the burden with my staff. Though, I like to think I do a better job at the delegating. I remember a time when you said to me as I was about to go try to cure some strange new disease that I'd likely use one of my noxious potions or my beads and rattles. I'll tell you a secret, if I thought in a case that beads and rattles would help, well I'd use them as best as I could. I'd be shaking the rattle, wearing the beads and desperately hoping with each second that it worked.

I freely admit there is more I would like to learn about your anatomy and how your body works. I freely admit that there are times when your body's reaction to things surprises me. I freely admit that no matter how much I know about medical science now after over twenty years immersed in it, that I have much more waiting learning. I have to tell you though that if I'm granted a hundred years to study medical science and practice it, there will still be more for me to discover within it. There will more I need to learn. When I die, I will die thinking there is less I understand about why one person dies and one person lives when they both have the same damage done to them that I thought I understood when I took my oath.

Though I want to learn more about how your body works medically speaking, I also want to learn more on how it works on a personal level. For instance, I want to know whether you like to stand next to me as much as I like to stand next to you. You seem to, when you have the opportunity to you stand as close to me as the situation allows. I want to know if we were alone together in a room would you allow me to touch your shoulder? Would you like me to brush my fingers ever so softly against your lips? Would you raise that eyebrow at me if I attempted to tickle your ribs or would you give me a Vulcan nerve pinch? If I gave you a lingering kiss, gently exploring your mouth with my tongue, would you kiss me back? I know though you must have sex every seven years or so, you can have sex without being in Pon Farr, but do you want to?

To reassure you, sex is not the be all and end all of what I want with you. I want more than just sex. You see ... being near you is becoming as necessary to me as breathing, but I keep wondering if you want to be near me too. I want to bask in your presence, be close enough to you that I sense your warmth. The warmer temperature of your body and the warmth of spirit you have. I want, when we're alone, to touch you. I want to softly brush your whole body with my fingers, lips and tongue, learning what kind of touches you prefer. I want to, when we're alone, hold your hand, touch your shoulder, or put my hand on your knee. I want to have the privilege of holding two fingers out to you the way a Vulcan's mate does and have you meet me half way with your fingers. I want to be your friend, your husband, your companion, your lover and your ball and chain. I want to be your T'Hyla and I want you to be mine. I want everything Spock, including just a bit of respect for what I do.

You see Spock, I want you to acknowledge that I'm a damn good doctor and do the best I can to help people. I want you to acknowledge that though I'm damn fine at removing splinters, lancing boils, dancing around with beads and rattles, that I'm also damn fine with a laser scalpel. I just want you to tell me once that you think I'm good at what I do, that you respect my abilities and then I want to know if you want me as your T'Hyla, your everything.

Well Spock? How about it? Do you respect me? Do you want me as your T'Hyla? Or shall I go back to sickbay and shake my rattle around?

The end