Story for August:  Broken Threads

By Mary Barnes

The familiar red glow from the Firepot brought Spock some comfort; though his new quarters were very different from his old quarters years ago.  Fragrances from the incense also helped to solidify his new home.  Thoughts of the Kohlinhar ritual whirled through his mind like the winds on Vulcan stirring up the red sands.  When he first arrived on the Enterprise Spock had felt unsettled and incomplete.  The feeling was similar to the pain he experienced when he had informed his father that he was joining Star Fleet and not the Vulcan Science Academy.  His decision to join Star Fleet had not been a failure; quite the opposite, he had excelled.  He gained the respect from his father, the Vulcan Science Council and his peers.  However, the expression on his father’s face when he announced that he had rejoined Star Fleet and had failed to complete Kohlinhar was so familiar, another incomplete process of becoming a true Vulcan.  Amanda’s expression was one of relief, in fact her face glowed.  His feelings were her legacy to him.  Now after the V’Ger incident, being back on a Star Ship and returning to service in Star Fleet gave him a sense of normalcy.  He had spent most of his life in Star Fleet.  However, the incompletion of Kohlinhar still unsettled him; he had changed since the end of the first mission.  Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy were different also.  Jim appeared shocked to see him at first then the familiar expression of awe and trust resurfaced.  Spock perceived a feeling of desperation from Kirk; the desire to be captain again but clinging on the title of admiral.  The new Enterprise was unfamiliar waters for his friend and he was reaching out to cling on to his friends to keep from going under.  It was ironic that Kirk’s desire to become an admiral had fractured the balance of the trio.  Spock had thought Kirk would continue on the Enterprise and their friendship and relationship would be unchanged.  There had been a change in his and McCoy’s relationship as well.  After the events of the Tholians and Sarpeidon, they had grown closer.  Despite McCoy’s tendency to project the opposite of how he felt toward Spock by firing verbal barbs at him, it was McCoy who had erected the wall between them.  The Doctor was very aware of Spock and Kirk’s close bond but his past had shielded him behind a thick shell of low self esteem and an iron self independence.  That shell had thinned and McCoy was letting Spock see more of the unprotected man inside.  Until Kirk decided on his promotion and all of McCoy’s focus turned to keeping Jim from making a terrible mistake.  Spock was left with his close bond with Kirk broken and like McCoy, he wanted out of Star Fleet.  If Kirk only knew the depth of Spock’s affection for him and the chasm that had resulted after his promotion from the Enterprise.   His former Captain had changed very little, his hair was darker and the hazel eyes still bore that keen intelligence that Kirk always possessed.  McCoy on the other hand exuded emotions.  He had aged some; the once dark hair was laced with silver which enhanced his blue eyes.  When McCoy first saw Spock he had blurted out that he was “actually glad to see” him.  There was honesty to the outburst and the familiar shouting it out from behind the rebuilt walls inside that McCoy used as a self defense.  Spock responded to this by reacting to the emotional bombardment by his Kohlinhar training, emotions were illogical and were counteractive to any action.  He saw the hurt in McCoy’s eyes and then the anger.  Spock thought back to the time that they were in the pseudo-Roman prison and McCoy had been attempting to thank Spock for saving his life.  He could feel the emotional turmoil in McCoy; it was not the controlled emotions that were common to the Doctor.  He sensed the pain, anger and a feeling of emptiness in him as well.  Similar to his own feelings over the last years, a whirling sand filled vortex; he sensed in McCoy an impending storm heavy with dark clouds and building electrical energy.  How would his relationship be with his friends now?      At the end of their first five year mission, there were many unresolved issues.  The tapestry of their lives had been interrupted and the threads broken.

Leonard McCoy finished his medical logs and left Sick Bay for his quarters.  He sighed at the refit design of his quarters; the designers thought it would be nice for the officers to have a small window in their rooms.  Not a good idea for an aviaphobic ground dweller like him.  McCoy immediately had the window blacked out and had a hologram installed of the view from his house in Georgia.   He changed out of his uniform, another stupid idea of the designers in Star Fleet.  The form fitting uniforms revealed everything; you couldn’t hide a tribble in these uniforms.  Although, observing the other members of the crew in the uniforms was quite entertaining and sometimes provocative.  He dressed in his loose lounge clothes and sat at his desk.  The excitement of V’Ger was over and now the Enterprise could go off on any direction Jim seemed so inclined to send her.  McCoy read his personal mail on his computer pad.  The feeling of anger at Kirk’s actions rose again as he discussed the research project he had been working on with one of his colleagues on Beta-Antares II.    Jim was a good friend but there were times in their friendship when Kirk had stretched the limits of his patience and loyalty.  McCoy had fought hard against Jim being promoted to an admiral.  At the end of the fight, McCoy felt betrayed and discarded by Jim and Starfleet; not that there had been any love lost between him and Starfleet.  McCoy had sought out his daughter, Joanna, and reestablished their father-daughter bond.  Then he had been notified that Natira had arrived at the planet that her ancestors had predicted and he went to help her with her new world.   It proved to be very humiliating and rewarding at the same time.  Natira had been coolly courteous to him and there was pain in her blue eyes.  She had married one of the priests and they had a son.  Her subjects treated McCoy with an initial antagonism and distrust but this faded as McCoy proved his care and concern for Natira’s subjects.  McCoy checked over the inhabitants of her new world and shared with her Spock’s findings in the Fabrini medical archives.  His stay lasted three months.  Over the next nine months, he worked in several outpost hospitals to keep up his surgical skills and teaching these isolated doctors and health care personnel the most current forms of surgery and health care.  McCoy returned home for two years and did some work on the family home.  It was being looked after by a family friend and Joanna from time to time would stay there as well.  These were the happiest years he had in a long time.  He and Jim resumed their friendship, though it was long distance, perhaps the better since Jim could be so manipulative at times.  He cultivated a garden with vegetables and some of the plants that were similar to the Fabrini herbs.  McCoy studied their chemical qualities and uses.  He planted numerous fruit trees; peaches, apples and of course plums. However, the doctor inside became bored and he longed for a research position.  It was a serendipitous occasion when he published Spock’s findings on the Fabrini medical archives, his research on similar herbs from Earth and their combined uses in the current medical practices.   His thoughts frequently turned to Spock.  In his absence, McCoy realized how similar they were in their scientific thinking and how Spock had challenged and encouraged him.  McCoy had learned from Kirk that Spock was undergoing the Kohlinhar ritual, the purging of emotion.  McCoy felt numerous pangs of guilt over some of the things he had said to Spock about his lack of emotions, when in fact McCoy knew Spock carried his emotions deeply.  It made him grieve for the Spock he had known and the Spock who was to be.  The serendipitous event occurred at a medical conference at which he was presenting his research.  A group of scientists and physicians were conducting a study of utilizing herbs and other treatments from ancient cultures on Beta-Antares II.  They invited him to meet with them later and perhaps join the research team.  One of the physicians was a Vulcan, Dr. S’Par, and McCoy instantly connected to this physician.  S’Par was impressed by his knowledge of the Vulcan culture and practices.  Though very different from Spock, S’Par provided that friendship McCoy had been missing.  One night he and S’Par shared dinner together at the research facility, McCoy brought up the subject of Spock.  The Vulcan was acquainted with Ambassador Sarek and his wife.  He had not meet Spock but revered his Star Fleet contributions to science and the information Spock had gleaned from the Fabrini culture.  McCoy asked about the Kohlinhar ritual.  S’Par’s eyes darkened and he grew very quiet; then he said this was a very religious aspect of Vulcan culture that he did not want to discuss with McCoy.  McCoy murmured his apologies and stated that he had missed Spock’s friendship and the challenges that they had experienced.  S’Par’s expression softened as he looked into the doctor’s blue eyes.  He asked if he could touch McCoy’s face, McCoy nodded nervously.  The contact was brief and barely perceptible. 

“I believe that you are grieving for the changes in your friend.  You loved him and I perceived that you still do.”  S’Par’s dark eyes bore into McCoy’s.  McCoy was stunned that the brief contact could pull up those deep buried feelings for Spock and he knew better that to deny them in front of his colleague.  “He is fortunate to have such a friend.  I grieve with you.  However, to attain Kohlinhar is a great process and an accolade for a Vulcan.  I admire his goal.”

This discussion was quickly dropped and the research continued until Admiral James T. Kirk tore him away from the group.   It was S’Par with whom McCoy had been conversing with on his pad.  Then McCoy’s thoughts returned to Spock.  Jim had informed him that Spock did not complete the Kohlinhar ritual. McCoy was made aware of the incomplete purging when he saw the brief flicker of anger in Spock’s eyes when he shot his usual barbs of sarcasm at the Vulcan.  There were other events where the familiar expressions on Spock’s face revealed the concealed emotions.  McCoy was greatly relieved that his old Spock was back.  However, the old Spock and the old McCoy were not back.  A lot had happened to both of them after the first mission.

Kirk and Spock were having breakfast in the officer’s dining room.  Kirk was catching Spock up on what had transpired in his life over the past years.  Kirk quickly skipped over how he had attained the Enterprise and their mission.  Then he started to chuckle, Spock’s eyebrow rose in response to the sudden unknown thoughts that had produced such an action.

“Spock, you should have seen, Bones.  I don’t mean to make light of what happened to the crewmen who were killed by the transporter…”  Kirk said.

“I would think not, Commander Sonak is greatly missed.  His contributions to science and his future are still mourned on Vulcan.  His katra had not been saved.”  Spock said stiffly.

“Come on, Spock, you know I’m not laughing about that.  When McCoy was refusing to get on the transporter pad, Uhura said you could hear his curses in the other transporter room.  Then, he arrived and he had the thickest beard I’ve ever seen.  To use our Doctor’s vernacular expressions, he was madder than a wet hen.” Kirk said wiping the tears from his eyes, he had been laughing hard.

“I understand that Dr. McCoy was in the process of a research study.  One of his colleagues, Dr. S’Par, is a Vulcan.  When learning I had reinstated my service with Star Fleet, he contacted me.  The research group is not pleased that Dr. McCoy was removed from the project.  He expressed his great respect of the Doctor’s contribution to the group and of his medical and scientific acumen.”  Spock informed Kirk.

Defensively Kirk responded, “Well, McCoy is ours again.  It’s good to hear the familiar grumbles.”

Again, Spock thought of the pending storm inside McCoy.  “He seems more emotional than usual.”

“That’s because he hasn’t had you to keep him in line, Spock. “  Kirk said with a sigh, “It’s good to have you both back with me.  I’ve missed you two.”

“I have missed our friendship as well, Jim.”  Spock said as he looked into Kirk’s eyes.

“Good morning, Jim, Spock.”  McCoy announced as he walked over to the replicator for his breakfast.

 Spock looked at the Doctor was he was adding condiments to his food and coffee.  He had not really noticed McCoy in his new uniform, which complimented the Doctor’s body quite well.  The sinewy muscles and his cat-like movements were augmented by this change in uniform style.  The v-neck tunic revealed the moderately hairy chest and his elegant neck.  McCoy had usually worn his previous uniforms slightly larger than needed.  McCoy sat down at their table with a grunt.

“Who the hell designed these blasted uniforms?  They’re too tight, I’m afraid if I sneeze the seams will rip!”  McCoy said as he pulled up on the v-neck.  “Food drops inside, when I bend over you can see my down to my navel and the pants ride up during surgery.  One of my interns asked if I were dancing or needed to pee, you can’t pull your uniform out of your crack during surgery.”

Kirk pitied the intern who had made that remark but the idea of McCoy squirming in his uniform sent him into another uncontrolled bout of laughter.  The scowl on McCoy’s face only added to his hysterical giggling.   He had to wipe the tears away with his napkin.

“Oh, grow up, Jim!”  McCoy said with a snarl.

“I find the uniforms to be somewhat cumbersome.”  Spock scanned McCoy’s body, “However, on some of the crew they are aesthetically pleasing.”

McCoy let out an exasperated sigh and began to eat his breakfast.

Now in command of his behavior, Kirk grinned at McCoy.  “I’ve really missed you, Bones.  You are one of the few people I know who can find faults with anything.  Speaking of aesthetically pleasing, have you seen Christine in her uniform and Lt. Higgins?”

“I see Christine every damned day.”  McCoy said somewhat abruptly, and then a smile softened his face.  “She wears the new uniforms well.  The interns are impressed by her surgical skills and her physique.  I’ve told several of them to tell her so….I’m surprised they lived afterwards.”  He finished with a twinkle in his eye. 

“I was informing the Captain that Dr. S’Par had contacted me and voiced his objections, along with those of the team that you had been summoned back into service, Doctor.”  Spock said.

McCoy looked at Spock then flashed his icy blue eyes at Kirk.  He slammed his fork down on his plate, “Dammit, do you ever think of anyone else but yourself, Jim?”

Kirk’s face reddened, “I did what was necessary for my mission.  You’re the best surgeon in Star Fleet, Bones.  You are needed here, not wasting your time on a research study.  What was this research project about any way?”

McCoy pushed his plate of food back and sighed, “The ancient treatments, herbs and medicines from intergalactic cultures.  I had published Spock’s findings on the Fabrini archives and I had analyzed herbs on Earth that were similar to the ones the Fabrini used.”

Kirk shrugged his shoulders, “You’ve got the finest labs and equipment here on the Enterprise, and you still can continue your research.”

McCoy stared at Kirk with an expression of incomprehension and anger.  “Now I have my research under noses and control of Star Fleet, Jim.  If you will excuse me, I’ve lost my appetite.”  McCoy stood up and then stormed out of the dining area.

Kirk looked over at Spock, “Did you have to bring that up, Spock?”  Kirk asked tensely.

“You do not understand, Captain, the Doctor may have a reputation as one of the leading surgeons in Star Fleet, but he is a scientist also.  The disruption of his research may have caused an interruption to his profession and altered how he perceives himself.”  Spock said staring at McCoy’s barely touched breakfast plate.

Kirk’s expression changed to one of concern, “You had mentioned that he was more emotional than usual, what you are getting at?”

“I have sensed a change in the Doctor from the last mission.  He seems more vulnerable and disorganized.  My mission on Vulcan did not culminate in the direction I had intended; however, I am comfortable and contented to be back in Star Fleet.  McCoy is less comfortable to be back in the service of Star Fleet.  I sense a feeling of entrapment from him.  You did in a way ‘draft’ him back into service.  If it were not for his surgical and medical prowess, he would not have been permitted to stay in Star Fleet.  You were very tolerant of his outspoken and unsubmissive behavior.  McCoy also has not re-acclimated to being back in space.”  Spock said facing Kirk.

“You’re right as usual, Spock.  I went to his quarters the other day and he had the window covered over by a hologram of his house in Georgia.  When I asked him why he didn’t want to look out at the stars, he turned pale and said something about getting home sick.  I did yank him back into service, Spock; I found a loop hole by which I could get him back on the Enterprise.”  Kirk’s shoulders sagged, “Poor, Bones, what have I done.”

“It is irrelevant at this point, Jim.  From what I have heard from the science labs, they are quite impressed by Dr. McCoy’s organization of Sick Bay, pathology and the labs.  Several interns have commented on being fortunate to be working under a medical legend; although none of them were prepared for his temper and his high standards of practice.  It was wise to have assigned Dr. Chapel to the Enterprise as she shares his same standards and skills and her interactions with the staff are nurturing and encouraging.”  Spock said.

“And she’s the only person on the Enterprise who can control him and appease him.  I think she’s the only one he’s afraid of when he’s sick.  She was tough as a nurse; I bet she’ll be tougher as his Assistant

Chief Medical Officer.”  Kirk said as a smile returned to his face.  “Thanks for filling me in on Bones.  I had no idea of what he had been working on when I yanked him back.  As you said earlier, McCoy was not cut out for the military aspect of Star Fleet.  Bones is such a damned good doctor and he has been an invaluable friend that I haven’t really looked at things from his perspective.  There were times in our first mission that he had commented that he really didn’t fit in anywhere.  That’s a hard thing to carry around.  I’ll keep him under a close eye.  I’ll see you on the bridge, Spock.”  Kirk left for the bridge.

Spock sipped his tea digesting on what Kirk had just said.  Spock knew how McCoy felt all too well.  He had at times he was neither a Vulcan nor a human.  Though he had embraced the logic and philosophy of Vulcan, he knew the pains of being half human.

It was around eight thirty in the evening and McCoy was reading his pad in his quarters when someone pushed the buzzer at his door.

“Come in.” He said thinking it was Jim, but Jim always just walked in.

Spock entered; he was dressed in his black robe with the elegant Vulcan embroidery.    McCoy swung his feet off of his desk and stood up.

“What can I do for you, Spock?”  McCoy asked; he felt sloppy in his worn t-shirt and shorts.

“I have not had the pleasure of seeing your quarters, Doctor. “  Spock said as he scanned the usual spartan decorum that McCoy had used in his previous quarters.  “Fascinating, a hologram from Earth?”

“It’s a view from my back porch in Georgia.  I have kept the family home outside of Atlanta.  It’s a good place to unwind and my daughter stays there sometimes.” McCoy said slowly.  “What the hell is he up to?”  McCoy thought to himself.

Spock walked closer to the hologram.  “It’s beautiful; my Mother would love to visit there.  Are those fruit trees?”

“Yes, my little orchard of peach, apple and plum trees.”  McCoy rotated the hologram, “This is my vegetable and herb garden.”

Spock looked in McCoy’s blue eyes, “Here is a place that he belongs but it is still too isolated.” He thought but to the Doctor he said, “My mother reminisces about the fragrances of peach and plum blossoms.  I am quite fond of Japanese poetry and there are numerous references to the fragrance of the plum blossom and the illusion of snow falling when the petals are wind born.”

“Yes, I’ve read some; I have a Japanese water color of a plum branch with the flowers and fruit.  I love the taste of plums and the Plum Wine that is enjoyed by the Asian cultures.”  McCoy said as he broke contact with Spock’s gaze.  “I hate to change the subject but I don’t think you came here to discuss flowers or fruit.  I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing your quarters either, Spock?  What exactly is going on?  Does this have something to do with this morning?”

“Yes, I apologize for the indirect approach for my visit.  Jim and I were discussing your unexpected return to the Enterprise.  I would believe that this has been difficult for you.”  Spock said studying McCoy’s face.  The Doctor looked back at Spock his face darkened and his eyes took on an electric blue hue. 

“You don’t know the half of it and why would you care? “  McCoy yelled, “You and Jim can tolerate all of this Star Fleet crap.  The difficult part for me is dealing with Star Fleet.”

“Your career with Star Fleet was a successful one; it was Star Fleet who benefitted from your skills and attention to improving the standards of practice.  There is no reason that this new mission could not benefit from your resuming the position of Chief Medical Officer.”  Spock said calmly.

“Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Spock.”  McCoy turned away and looked at the hologram of his garden.  “Star Feet and I don’t get along very well, especially after they promoted Jim.  I don’t know what kind of deal Jim made with them, but I’m sure they aren’t pleased with me bein’ back either.”

Spock saw the Doctor’s shoulders slump, the energy used to build up that emotional outburst had weakened him and now there was sense of defeat.  “If there is nothing else you have to say, Spock, please leave.  I’m tired and I have a Sick Bay to run.”  McCoy murmured, his eyes never leaving the hologram.

“Goodnight, Doctor.”  Spock said.  He stood there for a brief moment hoping that McCoy would turn around and look at him.  When he did not, Spock left to return to his own quarters.

Over the next several weeks McCoy grew quieter.  His efficiency as CMO did not decrease but his drive to achieve perfection in his Sick Bay grew.  Dr. Chapel worked hard with the staff attempting to buffer some of McCoy’s abruptness and intolerance toward them.  He had managed to close her off as well.

Scotty tried to cheer up the Doctor by dropping by occasionally with some old high quality whiskey but was turned away.  McCoy lost weight and the new uniforms were now looser but did not fail to reveal the boney angles of his body.  McCoy was contacted by Star Fleet’s Surgeon General.  Star Fleet had learned of his research on Beta-Antares II, since Spock had translated the Fabrini archives and McCoy was back in service the research belonged to Star Fleet.  He was ordered to notify the group and have their findings sent to the Star Fleet’s main medical office.  This was the last straw for McCoy.  He had sensed something of this nature would occur.  He did notify the group and was met with their concerns and reluctance to hand over their information.  McCoy told them to keep the information he had given them but to take his name off of the research staff.  Kirk was notified of McCoy’s actions by Star Fleet Command and he was not pleased.  He requested McCoy come to his quarters to discuss the matter.

Kirk was not prepared for McCoy’s appearance.  It was obvious the doctor has not been sleeping, there were the tell-tale dark circles under his eyes and his eyes were blood shot.  His neck was thin and the veins stood out like ropes.  Kirk had requested that Spock attend the meeting, he needed his knowledge of McCoy’s behavior and his logical insight as how to deal with him.

“Sit down, Dr. McCoy.”  Kirk said firmly, “Why have you disobeyed the orders from the Surgeon General?”

“Because, Captain Sir, that research is not theirs to take.”  McCoy spit out in a venomous tone.  “That research is being performed by civilian physicians and scientists.  I was not with Star Fleet at the time of my contributions to the project.  I have removed my name from the project and Spock’s translations of the Fabrini archives are available for use by the public as well as the Federation.”

Kirk looked at Spock, “Is this true, Spock?”

“Yes, Captain it is.  It is available for use for any scientific study.  I had that stipulated when I released my findings.  This allowed the Vulcan Science Council access to the information.”  Spock informed Kirk.  “It is misfortunate that you have taken your name off of the study, Doctor.  All of the research that you performed…”

“All of my information was made as a civilian.  This is exactly the kind of shit that I knew would happen with Star Fleet.”  McCoy yelled.

“You are out of order, Doctor.”  Kirk yelled back.  “I am tired of your anti Star Fleet tirades and I will not be as flexible as I was on our first mission.  Your staff has sent numerous complaints to Spock about your temper and your inflexible nature.  Star Fleet has been good for your career; it pulled you out of your broken practice after your divorce.”  As soon as the words left his lips, Kirk immediately regretted them.

“Jim, be careful” Spock said softly.

McCoy turned white and to the dismay of Kirk and Spock his eyes filled with tears.  He abruptly wiped them away, “Permission to resign my position and have me transferred, Captain.”  His voice was strained but he met Kirk’s eyes defiantly.  McCoy was shaking at this point and his control was ebbing.

“Permission denied, Doctor.”  Kirk said calmly, “Bones, please don’t do this.  This is difficult for me as well.  We need you on the Enterprise.”

“We?” repeated McCoy, “We as you and Spock or are you speaking for Star Feet as well.”

“Both, Bones.”  Kirk said with genuine concern on his face.

“Can I be excused, Captain Sir?”  McCoy asked through clenched teeth.  The anger was turning to a desperate hopelessness.

“Bones, please do not leave like this.  Let me get you a drink…”  Kirk said.

“No thank you, Captain.  You have made yourself perfectly clear.”  McCoy said as he rose from his chair.  He was taking deep breaths and as he stepped out of Kirk’s quarters they could hear a stifled sob.

“What should I do, Spock?”  Kirk asked as he stared at the closed doors.

“Give him some time, Jim.  The actions of Star Fleet were illegal; they have no authority to obtain the rights to the research study.  I am very concerned about the Doctor, Jim.  If we do not help him there could be repercussions.  Star Fleet will no doubt take action against him, they might remove his position and he could be court-martialed.”

“That’s all he needs now and I will not allow that to happen.”  Kirk said, he turned to Spock, “I genuinely wanted both of you back with me.  I did not want for McCoy to feel this way.  Maybe a medical mission would give him back a sense of purpose.”

“Perhaps a chance to encounter something worth studying or discovering, Jim.  He needs a sense of purpose and feeling that he crucial to the Enterprise.”  Spock said.

“I could always count on you to come up with the answer to anything, Spock.  Let’s find a project for our dear Doctor.”  Kirk smiled and laid a hand on Spock’s shoulder.  Spock could feel the genuine concern and affection Kirk had for the Doctor.  “How about a game of chess?”

After he and Kirk had played several games of chess, Spock stopped by Sick Bay to ask McCoy to join them for supper.  He found Christine in McCoy’s office.  She looked up from her computer screen and smiled.

“Spock, what a pleasant surprise, what can I do for you?”  She asked.

“I came to see Dr. McCoy.  Is he in?”  Spock asked.

Christine’s demeanor changed immediately.  She motioned for him to take a seat by her desk and then she ordered the doors to be locked.  Christine was nervous and she hesitated several times before speaking.

“He has taken some personal time off, Spock.  He came in her several hours ago and requested not to be disturbed.  One of the nurses stated that she could hear Dr. McCoy yelling and there were sounds of things being thrown against the walls.  I used my override code to check on him and he was sitting in his desk chair staring at nothing.  He did not respond to my voice and he did not appear to even see me.  I thought he had suffered a stroke but my tricorder registered that he was physically fine aside from being emotionally and physically worn out and malnourished.   I sat next to him and touched his hand, it was so cold and he didn’t pull away from me.  Usually when he’s sick he doesn’t want to be touched or coddled.  After a few minutes he looked at me, there was no fire in his eyes and it appeared he had been crying.  I asked him what was wrong and he said ‘They’ve taken everything, Christine, everything.’ I have no idea what he meant; I thought something had happened to Joanna.”  Christine said, her eyes were becoming moist and she blinked rapidly to avoid crying.  “I have never seen him like this, Spock.  He told me to cover for him for few days and that he was taking some personal time off.  I thought it was a good idea for him and the staff.”

Spock thanked her and requested that she notify him if the Doctor returned to Sick Bay.  He then set off for McCoy’s quarters.  There was no reply when he pushed the intercom button and he asked the computer unit near McCoy’s quarters to locate the Doctor.  The computer informed him that McCoy was in his quarters.  Using his emergency access code, Spock entered inside.  It was dark and Spock ordered the light to be increased to 25%.  McCoy was lying on his bed and appeared to be asleep.  There was an empty bottle of whiskey and a container of sleeping pills on his bedside table.  Spock attempted to wake up McCoy but there was no response.  He grabbed the Doctor’s tricorder and scanned the unconscious man.  McCoy had not taken a lethal dose of pills but in combination with the alcohol his mental state was very depressed.  His respirations were shallow but there was no suppression of his ability to breathe at this time.  In an hour, the combined suppressive effects of the pills and alcohol would have compromised McCoy’s respirations as well.  Spock administered a medication to reverse the actions of the sleeping pills, picked up McCoy and carried him into the bathroom.  He ordered for the shower to be water and the temperature set at 65 F.  He supported McCoy up against the wall of the shower and ordered the water to start.  There was an immediate response, McCoy gasped and struggled against Spock’s hold.  The blue eyes opened he looked around confused at first for being held in a cold water spray.  Then he looked at Spock and yelled curses and beat against the iron grip Spock had on him.  Spock ordered the water off and supported McCoy down to the bottom of the shower.  While the Doctor was coughing in between curses, Spock grabbed several towels.  He hauled McCoy back up to a standing position and then proceeded to rip off the water logged clothing. 

“Dammit, Spock, what the hell are you doing?”  McCoy yelled as he grabbed at his wet clothes.  “Stop it!

Stop it!” 

Spock continued the removal of the clothes and then shoved the towels at McCoy.  As the Doctor was drying himself off, Spock maintained his stance in front of McCoy to prevent any falls or slipping.  McCoy’s lips were slightly blue, trembling from the cold and his teeth chattered.  Spock studied the thin body in front of him, the vulnerability of his friend mentally and physically sent a strong need to shelter and to protect him.  He gently guided McCoy to the bedroom and assisted him in dressing.  Then Spock grabbed a towel to dry his water soaked sleeves.

McCoy was calmer now and appeared embarrassed.  “What the hell was that for, Spock?”

“You had taken numerous sleeping pills and alcohol which resulted in mental suppression.  Had I not come when I did, you could have suffered respiratory suppression.  I did not want to alert Sick Bay as this would result in a report of your actions.”  Spock said as he crossed his arms over his chest.  He kept a neutral expression on his face to prevent any further outbursts from the Doctor.

McCoy walked over to his bed and sat down.  He looked down at the floor and then he rested his head in his hands. 

“I wasn’t trying to commit suicide, Spock.  I needed to sleep; I needed to stop all of this chaos in my brain.”  He lifted his head up but continued to stare at the floor.  “Thank you, Spock, you saved my life or what is left of my life right now. “  He looked up at Spock, “I’ve requested some personal time off, and as you are my boss I thought I would let you know.  I need your help, Spock, I want off of the Enterprise.

Christine is more than capable to be CMO.  I can’t stay up here any longer and I can’t have Star Fleet hacking away of what little self respect I have.”

Spock walked over to the bed and sat down next to McCoy, their thighs touched.  McCoy did not move or protest his action.  McCoy could feel the welcome heat that was emanating from the Vulcan.  Spock looked into McCoy’s eyes with a compelling stare that held McCoy’s attention.

“You are not aware of your worth, Leonard.”  McCoy’s eyebrows rose in response to Spock using his first name.  “It grieves me to feel your pain.  Yes, Leonard I can grieve.  It is illogical for you to ignore your role and function on this ship.  You cannot undo what has taken place but you can prevent the destruction of your accomplishments in the future.”

McCoy was taken aback by Spock’s words.  “After our first mission, Spock, you were frequently in my thoughts.  I regret many things that I have said to you in the past about your lack of feelings.  When I learned from Jim that you were undergoing the Kohlinhar ritual, I grieved for you.  I didn’t want you to extinguish your human half.”  McCoy fought the need to grab Spock and embrace him.  If Spock were to pull back or dismiss his human need for contact or find out what Dr. S’Par had sensed, it could be humiliating.  He stood up from the bed and stretched.  Spock cocked his head to the side and looked at McCoy with an affirmation that he had sensed McCoy’s thoughts.  McCoy wasn’t sure what to do; he was exhausted and did not have the energy to pursue a possible relationship with Spock at this moment.  If there was even a remote chance that Spock felt the same way, he was sure Spock would let him know.  He was somewhat relieved when Spock’s neutral mask was back in place.  Spock rose from the bed and stood next to McCoy.

“The Captain and I were wondering if you would join us for supper.”  Spock asked.

McCoy let out a long sigh.  “I can’t be around Jim right now, Spock.  I need my personal space.”

Spock’s eyebrow rose and he straitened his posture, “I will give Jim your answer.  I will consider your requests, Doctor.  Are you quite sure that you wish to transfer?”

“At this time, my request stands.  Thank you again, Spock.”  McCoy said quietly.  Spock inclined his head and left.

After Spock stepped out of McCoy’s quarters, he processed the emotions that the Doctor was transmitting.  With his defensive walls removed by his exhaustion, McCoy’s emotions and thoughts flowed freely through the close contact that they had shared.  This was interesting that Spock had felt an overwhelming desire to protect McCoy and the doctor has been in love with him for a long period of time.  Spock replayed McCoy’s conversation with S’Par, and the Vulcan’s response to McCoy.

After two days, McCoy returned to Sick Bay and to his staff’s relief there was a notable change.  The Doctor smiled more, was complimentary and supportive.  Chapel notified Spock of McCoy’s return to Sick Bay and the changes that had occurred.  Spock passed the information on to Kirk.  McCoy sent Spock a message that he still wanted off of the Enterprise and the knowledge of his possible transfer had given him a sense of relief.  Spock sent off queries for open positions but he did not betray McCoy’s trust in his actions nor did he alert Kirk. 

The next day Scotty called McCoy on his intercom and asked him to check out one of his ensigns who had fallen inside one of the supply units in Engineering.

“I want the best care for me lass, McCoy.  That’s why I be callin’ you.”  Scotty said in his usual cheerful tone.  “I’ll pay ya for your trouble with me fine whiskey.”

“Deal.”  McCoy chuckled and left for Engineering. 

The supply units were large, single units for storing the equipment, chemicals and other supplies.  Scotty directed McCoy to the unit where the unfortunate ensign had fallen.  Ensign Barnett lay on the floor with her right leg trapped under some storage cubes and there was a ladder on its side by her head.  She was alert and in pain.  McCoy noted that the unit was almost full of cubes stacked in rows of twenty four and there were about six cubes stacked on top of each other and each cube was approximately three fourths of a meter in size.   There was barely enough room between rows for anyone to fit through.

“What happened, Ensign?”  McCoy asked as he knelt beside her.

“I was checking the cubes and doing inventory.”  She said as she winced, her hands were grabbing the top of her right thigh.

“Well, I know this is going to be surprise to you, but your leg is broken.”  McCoy said with a sympathetic smile.

She laughed, “You think so, Doctor McCoy.  Maybe it’s just a flesh wound.”

McCoy scanned her leg and the rest of her body.  “Did you hit your head when you fell down?”

“Yes, I did.  I didn’t black out but I saw a lot of stars and I feel dizzy.”  She said.

“Well, young lady, you have a bump on the back of your head and a mild concussion. “  McCoy assessed her neurological signs.  He looked over a t the ladder.  “Can you tell me how it happened?”

Barnett looked passed McCoy’s shoulder to see if anyone was close to the front of the unit.  “We’re not supposed to walk on top of the units, but sometimes it’s the only way to scan some of the ones at the back.  The units are heavy and hard to move, it makes it easier.  One of the cubes was not stacked right and when I stepped on it…”

Barnett stopped and looked around, “What’s that noise?”  She asked.

McCoy could hear the hissing sound also; it was coming from one of the cubes on her leg.

“What’s in these cubes?”

Before she could answer, the lid of the cube flew off and a dark blue gas burst from the cube.  The sliding door to the unit slammed shut and a red light penetrated the blue mist.  McCoy could hear the contamination warnings blaring and shouts from outside the unit. The caustic gas was burning his eyes   and his throat.  He pulled at his uniform to cover his face, but the v-neck did not budge.  Barnett was screaming and coughing.  McCoy ripped her uniform at the waist and brought the fabric up to cover her mouth and nose. 

“Doctor, my eyes!  I can’t see anything, my eyes are burning!” Barnett coughed frantically, “I…can’t …breathe!”

McCoy’s eyes were burning as well despite the tears streaking down his face; the tears did not buffer the pain of the chemicals.   He also tore off a strip of his uniform and held it over his mouth and nose.  Then he felt around for his emergency kit, he could not locate it.  He scooted closer to Barnett and supported her up to a sitting position and then held her against his chest.  Her hands dug into his tunic and pulled him tighter.  He could feel her chest spasm from her coughing and hear the muffled screams.  Her body bounced against his chest as his airway and lungs protested against the acrid caustic gas.  His face and hands were now burning and his breathing was laborious and loud.  It grew dark in the unit and then he gave into the darkness that encompassed his mind.

Uhura spun quickly in her chair.  “Captain, there is a Code Orange in Engineering.  A cubical filled with containers of a chemical gas has ruptured in a unit.  Engineering is on lock-down, there are two crewmen still inside the unit.  Sick Bay has been alerted.”

“Who are the crewmembers?”  Kirk asked.

“Ensign Barnett and Dr. McCoy, Sir” She said.

Kirk shot a look and Spock and they both left for Engineering.  The main entrance to Engineering was sealed off due to some of the gas escaping from the unit.  Dr. Chapel and Scotty where dressing in their hazmat gear. 

“What is the chemical, Dr. Chapel?”  Spock asked.

“It’s a chlorine-phenol based mist used to decontaminate Shuttle crafts coming in from contaminated planets.  There are other caustic chemicals in the mist also.”  She said. 

“How are they?”  Kirk asked. 

“There are no sensors in the units to check vital signs, only chemical leaks.”  Chapel said.  “The visual camera inside cannot make out anything in the unit.”

Spock donned a hazmat suit and joined Chapel, Scotty and an intern as they entered Engineering.

They arrived at the unit quickly and placed a containment tent up to seal off the air around the unit.  The escaped mist had been evacuated by the emergency filter devices in Engineering.  Scotty placed a portable device inside the tent to contain the mist inside and activated it.  The door to the unit slid open and as the mist was absorbed away it revealed the two victims of the chemical release.  McCoy was on his back and Barnett was on top of his chest, her hands still grasping his tunic.   Neither of them had a heart beat nor were they breathing.  Chapel took care of McCoy and the intern took care of Barnett.  Both of their patients were given Triox medications, portable cardio-stim devices and resuscitation masks were applied.  Their contaminated clothing was removed and their skin was cleansed with a decontamination solution.  Spock knelt beside McCoy, he placed his gloved hand on the Doctor’s forehead, and he felt only minimal brain activity. 

“I can’t believe how thin he is.”  Chapel said through her intercom of her suit.  Spock only nodded.  “Come on, Leonard; get that stubborn heart of yours going!”  She yelled at McCoy.  The cardio-stim unit continued to deliver maintenance shocks to contract his heart.  She gave another round of resuscitation medications.  Spock opened two blankets in the medical supply bags and covered McCoy and Barnett up to their waists. 

“It’s all clear now.” Scotty announced as he removed the tent.  The team took off their hazmat suits and placed them in a contamination container and Scotty opened up Engineering. 

Kirk and the medical team burst through the doors.  Spock gently lifted McCoy onto the stretcher and the intern assisted him.  Due to Barnett’s more critical condition Chapel took over from the intern and they whisked McCoy and Barnett to Sick Bay.  

Dr. Chapel was successful in bringing McCoy back but Barnett did not survive.  McCoy was in an isolation room and was on full life support.  He was kept in a drug induced coma until his lungs and airway started to heal.  His eyes were given corneal grafts and the minor burns to his face and hands were treated and healed with in eighteen hours.  Kirk was beside himself with worry; his CMO will need at least a month of down time to fully recover.  Chapel was the temporary CMO now and Star Fleet was pushing for him to make that position permanent for her.  Spock had been right again, McCoy’s return to Star Fleet had not worked in his favor.

In two weeks, McCoy was able to return to his quarters.  He kept to himself, the injuries to his airway were still healing and he was on light duty.  His chances of a transfer were on hold but he was offered a retirement package from Star Fleet that would allow him to continue research or help out on outpost Star Bases.  He frequently gazed at the hologram and thought about his home, Star Fleet’s proposition was looking better every day.  Jim checked on him daily and Spock stopped by in the morning and when he was off duty.  Tonight McCoy invited him to dinner to thank him for once again saving ‘his sorry ass.’  To which Spock had replied ‘Are you referring to the animal or your gluteal area?  Neither can be sorry, this is an emotional state.’  McCoy had not laughed that hard in a long time.

At 2000 hours, Spock arrived, dressed in his Vulcan robe.  McCoy offered him Altair water to drink and he had prepared some vegetable hors d’ oeuvres.  He served Spock a dish that he had acquired from Lady Amanda.  McCoy had contacted her and asked for some of Spock’s favorite dishes.  She was delighted that McCoy had called.  She asked McCoy about his orchard, Spock had informed her of this, and she shared her stories of her childhood.  Her family had fruit trees and in the spring her mother would cut off small branches and put the blossoms in a vase along with cut roses.  McCoy extended an invitation to her and Sarek to be guests at his home whenever they were on Earth.  He also told her he was going to take up Star Fleet’s offer and retire.  Amanda voiced her concerns about his health and her regrets for what had taken place.  However, she was pleased to have Spock informing her about his concerns for McCoy and his pleasure that their friendship had resumed.

“Thank you, Doctor, this was very palatable.  This is one of my mother’s favorite recipes and one of my favorites as well.”  Spock said.

“You’re welcome.  It’s the least I could do after all you have done for me.”  McCoy said as he refilled his wine glass.  He had to admit the meal was delicious.

Spock leaned forward and looked into McCoy’s eyes.  “There is something that I need to share with you, Leonard.  Before the accident in Engineering, we were sitting on your bed.  As you know I am a touch telepath and I perceived some feelings that you have for me.”

McCoy looked away embarrassed, his face reddened and his heart was hammering fast in his chest.  He felt Spock’s warm hand on his face as the Vulcan gently turned his head back to face him.

“I value thee, Leonard.  I understand your feelings for me.  I also perceived Dr. S’Par’s comments about your affection for me.  For such a brief meld to have retrieved such buried thoughts, your feelings must be quite strong.”  Spock said quietly.

“You have me at a difficult place, Spock.  I can’t deny what I feel to two Vulcans.  I had forgotten that you were a touch telepath, I’m goin’ to be more careful about comin’ in contact with you.”  McCoy said, his voice was shaky.  “What are you picking up now that you have your hand on my face?”

“I sense a feeling of despair that your feelings are not acknowledged and that you could be rejected.”Spock said.  McCoy only nodded.  “I have a strong need to protect you and to take care of you.”

McCoy removed Spock’s hand from his face, “I don’t need your pity and I don’t want to be treated like some helpless weakling, Spock.  You and Jim shared a very close relationship and a bond on our first mission.”  Spock nodded.  “Are these feelings the same as those you had for Jim or are these more of a platonic nature?”  McCoy asked; his blue eyes were filled with uncertainty.

“One cannot compare a bond for one individual against another, Doctor.  To alleviate any questions that you have, the bond between Jim and I has been dissolved.  At the moment, I do not have any other bonds formed with any other persons.”  Spock replied honestly.  “It is my intention that I establish a bond with you.   I have not had a person care as deeply as you do towards me.  Your emotions, though illogical at times, are strong and you have proven to be a loyal and honorable friend.  Many successful relationships and marriages are founded on these qualities.  I would consider myself fortunate to have a relationship with someone who possesses these qualities.”  Spock said as he took McCoy’s hand in his, he was reassured by the compassion from the Doctor.  McCoy did not pull away and his face was softened by a smile.  His blue eyes had misted over as he looked at Spock.

“What do you have in mind, Spock?”  McCoy asked in almost a whisper.

“I would like to continue our daily visits more regularly and to increase the time spent with each other.

I would like to pursue a physical relationship as well.  Perhaps form a bond.”  Spock said.  He stroked McCoy’s index and middle fingers with his own, he let out a moan at the contact.  McCoy mirrored his action with his hand and a warm tingling traveling up his arm and to his body.  “This is a Vulcan ‘kiss’, Leonard.”  Then he leaned forward and placed his lips on McCoy’s, his efforts were rewarded by a deeper contact from the Doctor.  “I believe that this is a human kiss.”

McCoy’s eyebrow rose, “Affirmative, Spock.  It is indeed.”  He said, his pupils were dilated and his breathing was fast.

Spock stood up and to the confusion of McCoy, he stepped away.  “It is late, you need your rest.  Shall we resume our discussion tomorrow?’  McCoy nodded as he remained seated, processing all that had just transpired.  The following evening, they dined together alone in Spock’s quarters.  Then they started talking as they had done on the first mission, sharing research, science and their usual roles of debating the different sides of a topic.  Both had missed the other in this dance of the minds so to speak.

The next day Spock and some security guards were wounded on a landing mission.  Spock had been hit by some shrapnel in his chest.  The security guards had suffered wounds to their heads, extremities and abdomens.  Kirk for once had escaped unscathed.  Two of the security team died as a result of their head wounds.  Chapel and the other doctors worked hard to stabilize Spock, but there was only one person on the ship who possessed the surgical skills to save Spock’s life.  McCoy gratefully came to do the surgery.  It was a long and tedious surgery, most of the damage was near Spock’s heart.  McCoy stayed by Spock’s bedside after the surgery and refused to leave his side.  Spock had started to hemorrhage again and McCoy had to perform more surgery.  On McCoy’s request, Kirk notified Spock’s parents of Spock’s injuries and his critical condition.  One of Sarek’s Vulcan physicians consulted with McCoy and reassured Spock’s parents that their son was receiving expert care.  The Ambassador and his wife would rendezvous with the Enterprise in 30 hours.   McCoy continued his vigil and he talked softly to Spock; he spoke of Spock’s value to the Enterprise, his parents and himself.  He would lay his hands against Spock’s face in the hope that somewhere in Spock’s mind he could perceive his thoughts.

McCoy and Spock were walking in his orchard, the air was full of the fragrance of the blossoms and the melodic sounds of birds serenaded their walk.  The sun was warm on McCoy’s shoulders; he could not recall a time that he had been more relaxed or happy.  Spock let go off his hand to inspect some wildflowers growing nearby.   Spock kept walking away from him, McCoy called to him to come back but Spock did not appear to have heard him.  Frustrated, McCoy tried to go after him but his body didn’t move.  Why weren’t his legs working, it was like he was trapped in thick molasses.  He called out to Spock again but the Vulcan had wondered further off.  Again McCoy tried to go after him but now there was a hand on his shoulder holding him back.  It was Christine who had her hand on his shoulder.  She was saying something about letting Spock wonder off, she knew he would turn around and return.  McCoy argued with her but her hold was strong.   He began to sob; he knew Spock would not return, he could feel it inside.  Chapel insisted that McCoy return to the house and wait for Spock to return.  He struggled against her and she shook his shoulder hard to persuade him to come inside. 

McCoy awoke with a start.  He had been sleeping in the chair by Spock’s bedside.  His body ached from the position he had slept in and his overwhelming fatigue.  Christine was at his side and she offered him a cup of coffee.  He took it from her gratefully and sipped the hot beverage.

“That must have been a terrible dream, Leonard. You were calling out for Spock.”  She gently wiped some of the tears from his cheek.

“How is he, Christine?”  McCoy asked, trying to change the subject.

“He’s stable, thanks to your surgery.  It’s up to him now to heal on his own.  You need to go to your quarters and sleep, Leonard.  You are convalescing as well and you have exhausted your body’s stamina.”  She said pulling him up from the chair.  “Now go take a shower and take a nap.  Spock’s parents are about an hour away and I know that they will want to talk to you.  I can watch Spock and I will call you if his condition changes.”

He smiled at her wanly, he was extremely worn out.  “Thanks, Christine.  Call me if anything happens.”

“You know I will.  Now go to sleep!”  She said with an authoritative air, “Or I’ll hypo you into next month.”

“I have no doubts that you would do that.  I’m off.”  He said as he dragged himself to his quarters. 

McCoy remembered taking his shower but after that he did not recall anything.  He woke up four hours later feeling refreshed but still tired.   He dressed and went to Sick Bay.  Spock’s parents were at his bedside.  Sarek was mind melding with Spock, to assist in his struggle to return back to consciousness.

As soon as Amanda saw McCoy, she walked over to him and hugged him.  Her soft hand caressed his face.

“Dr. McCoy, you have saved my son.  Thank you.”  She said smiling up at him, “How are you doing?  You look so tired.”

He gave her a gentle hug back, “I’m fine, Amanda.  I’m tough just ask Christine.”

Chapel nodded her head, “He’s tough alright, like an old mule.”

McCoy looked at Amanda, “I can’t argue with her on that and besides she’s a doctor now.”

“She’s an excellent doctor; she had the best example to follow.”  Amanda said smiling at both of them.  Then she returned to Spock’s bedside.

“How’s he doing?”  McCoy asked studying Spock’s vital signs on the over-bed monitor.

“He is midway through his healing trance according to Amanda.   There has been no more bleeding and his arteries and veins are patent.  His other organs, especially his brain, are well perfused and there are no signs of organ failure or injury.”  Christine informed him.

“I wish all of our other patients had the Vulcan constitution, but then we might be out of a job.”  McCoy said looking at Sarek and Spock.

“I think Amanda and Spock would disagree with you.  You saved Sarek’s life, remember?”  She elbowed him.

“How could I forget that?”  McCoy shook his head.  Then he and Christine did rounds on the other patients in Sick Bay.

McCoy was entering his physician notes when Sarek walked in his office.

“I hope that I am not disturbing you, Doctor?”  He asked in his polite Vulcan way.

“Of course not, Sarek, please have a seat.  Can I get you a glass of water or a cup of tea?”  McCoy asked as Sarek sat across from him.  “What can I do for you, Ambassador?”

“Please address me as Sarek; you have saved my life as well as my son’s.  There is no need for formality here only an expression of gratitude.  When I was melded with Spock, your words resonated through his consciousness.  Your skills as a surgeon are exceptional but your concern for Spock and your compassion enabled him to achieve the healing trance more effectively.  His mother will tell you that it was your emotions that saved him but I know that your knowledge of his anatomy and physiology saved him also.

I perceived his thoughts about your discussions and your plans to bond.  I am in favor of this bond for it is equal on both sides.  Many Vulcans doubted my marriage to Amanda but they have seen the strength and durability of our relationship.  Amanda has been a constant and faithful wife; she also challenges me at times.  A bond is made strong though continual experiences and trials, complacency from both partners can create a fragile and brittle bond.”  Sarek steepled his fingers and studied McCoy’s face.

McCoy met his eyes steadily; he knew that this was not a critical assessment on Sarek’s part.  “Spock is valuable to the Enterprise and he is a valuable and honest friend.  I have missed our discussions and interest in science.  He supports my findings but he challenges them also.  He saved my life when he discovered the cure for Xenopolcythemia and on other occasions.”

“I believe you have saved his life on many occasions, Doctor.  Spock was bonded to Captain Kirk on your first mission, which was satisfying for both the Captain and Spock.  When Kirk chose to leave Star Fleet, he did not take into consideration the depth of the bond.  Most humans do not, even if they love the Vulcan with whom they have bonded with.  I sense that you were affected by Kirk’s actions as well.  Spock and Dr. S’Par have informed me of his actions to reinstate you back into Star Fleet.  Spock’s thoughts through the mind meld informed me that you have been in love with Spock for some time.”

Sarek said.

“You can’t hide anything from these damned Vulcans!  They say humans gossip, well this is just dandy.  Probably all of Vulcan knows now!”   McCoy thought to himself.  He cleared his throat and shifted his position in his chair.  “As I told your son, I’m going to have to careful around you.  Humans hide their feelings frequently.  I guess it is a protective mechanism in our brains.  I was very much aware of the bond that Spock and Kirk had shared.  I respected that bond, in spite of how I felt about Spock.”

“Your respect and consideration of others relationships reveals a lot about you, Doctor.”  Sarek said.

McCoy looked down at his hands, “I have been on the other side of that relationship, Sarek.  My wife had been unfaithful to me when I was married a long time ago.  I still have the scars from that betrayal and it has made me overly cautious about my past relationships.  My wife accused me of being ‘married’

to my profession and to medicine.  I guess I was at the time and I probably am now.”

“That is a common misconception in many races.  To be dedicated to your profession is an admirable attribute and to have your partner recognize this is highly valued.  Some partners need more than what you can give them, their desires are not always healthy for any relationship or marriage.”  Sarek said.  “Your knowledge and appreciation of science compliment Spock’s.  Spock has been very dedicated to the field of science, just as you have been to medicine.  You both share the same commitment to contributing and growing in your fields of expertise.  Dr. S’Par was highly impressed by your knowledge of medicine and of the scientific process.   It pleases Amanda that you respect Spock’s knowledge of science and that you value him as a friend.  You possess many qualities of Amanda, Doctor.  Although she still does not understand the way of Vulcan thinking, she respects our heritage.  I don’t want her to copy our ways just to please me; I value her human heritage and traits also.  Amanda is her own individual and is secure in her qualities, the fact that she adopts the Vulcan culture willingly is to her credit.”  Sarek said.

McCoy looked back at the Ambassador, “Thank you, Sarek.  Spock and I sometimes do not agree on certain aspects or views on things but we both enjoy the debates.”

“Is that not the scientific and deductive process, Doctor?  I also relish the opportunity to partake in discussions on many topics.  It sometimes is not the need to prove that I am right in my views but it is always important to visualize any topic from every angle.” Sarek said.

McCoy nodded, “You’re right, Sarek, medicine would still be in the dark ages if no one questioned the current practice at the time.  Now there were some ideas that were wrong and quite deadly but it’s part of the evolution of any science.” 

Sarek rose from his chair, “I have taken enough of your time, Doctor, if you will excuse me I am going to check on my son.”

“Sarek” McCoy said as he stood up, “Thank you for talking with me.”

Sarek inclined his head, “It has been my privilege, Doctor.”

Spock regained consciousness and was assisted by his father.  It still bothered McCoy and Chapel to see a Vulcan patient being slapped to complete the process.  McCoy had wanted to slap a lot of patients, not to bring them back but to slap some since into their heads like the times that Kirk had put himself in harm’s way for example.  McCoy waited while Amanda and Sarek visited with their son before he went to Spock’s bedside.  Spock held up two fingers toward McCoy and without hesitation, McCoy stroked his fingers.

Shore leave was on Earth as the Enterprise needed some maintenance and supplies.  Jim went to his apartment in San Francisco; he apparently had a special someone who he was excited to be with.  As for McCoy, he and Spock went to his home.  As luck would have it, it was spring in Georgia.  A sense of déjà vu came over McCoy as he and Spock were walking in the orchard.  The tiny pale pink and white petals of the tree blossoms showered them, the air was full of perfume and the songs of the birds serenaded them.  Spock’s hand in his was warmer than the sun on his shoulders and McCoy was as happy as he was in his dream.  They continued their walk; Spock did not leave his side.  McCoy was in heaven.

                                                                     The End