Title: Eidetic

Author: Shannon

Summary: The mind is a funny thing. Sometimes it takes a few repetitions for things to sink in.

Warnings: None

Rating: R/Mature

Spock had always considered his eidetic memory a blessing and a curse.  It allowed him to multi-task at a level that humans found incomprehensible and it gave him the ability to learn new information and skills quickly.  However, it also forced him to remember, in detail, nearly every moment of his life even when he would much rather forget. 

He could remember the first time he understood the words his mother spoke.  He was a babe in arms and she was singing to him, rocking him gently in the room he'd come to know was his.  The world had been very confusing, full of light and sound, with no context or meaning.  These early memories were always distressing to recall, his infant mind had not been able to properly interpret or catalog experiences and so they lacked the crispness his eidetic memory usually provided.  The edges were always raw and fuzzy, and Spock new that he was missing great swatches of time.  But that moment, where his brain finally cracked the mystery of language was the first sharp and distinct moment in his young life.  His mothers voice, which had always engendered feelings of comfort and belonging, suddenly transformed into something more.  Her words drew a picture and while he had no frame of reference for what a horse was, or even what the colors were she sang of, he knew that they were colors, and that colors described things, and that his mother used those sounds to indicate certain meanings... it was a tenuous understanding at best.  But his mind was already starting to draw connections, recalling the last time he'd head that sound, and the context, and drawing parallels.

In many ways it was his favorite memory.   It was a memory of perfect clarity, of his world view shifting to realign to match the world of what is.  That single second where it all clicked brought him a degree of pleasure he'd never experienced in his short life and he'd known instantly that he had to repeat the experience.  His mother would often lament that since that moment she'd never had a seconds peace.  Her baby, less then a human year old, had begun exploring his universe, learning, acquiring new connections.  And with every click in his mind, every sliding into clarity, he fell more in love with the science of what is.

In truth, his entire life since has been a quest to recapture that feeling - to relive that moment of perfect knowing.  Each book he read, each article, each experiment, every planet he set foot on, and every species he met, each one was accompanied with another slight shift in his mind, another connection made, another moment of clarity. Some were more powerful then others, and more then a few tainted by pain more then pleasure.  But with the zest of an addict he'd chased after them.  And none of them had affected him as much as that first fix, burned so surely into his memory.

But this... this may very well erase all the others.

Spock stared at his fingers in shock. When he'd returned to the Enterprise on it's way to meet V'Ger he'd been looking for a new connection to the universe - a new level of understanding that could rival that first.  But there was nothing for him there and on the journey back to Earth he'd resigned himself to the fact that in all likelihood he would never recapture the magic of that first moment of clarity. It would be logical that the first burst of awareness would be the greatest, and he would have to learn to accept that reality.  After all, 10 years exploring the edges of space and all the adventures there in had not replicated it, it would be pointless to continue to pursue the same depth of sensation.

He could not even begin to calculate the odds that he would, in less then three hours after docking for a debriefing before undertaking his second tour, be experiencing a realignment of his understanding of the universe that was as great if not greater then that first and a mere 24 hours after resolving to abandon his quest.

"Spock?"  Dr, McCoy's voice broke  through his introspection.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to upset you."  The doctor sounded nervous and Spocked noticed with some detachment that his hand was growing warmer.

It had been an innocent gesture- McCoy reaching out to touch Spock's arm, to inquire if he was alright.  The doctor had been aiming for the cloth covering Spock's forearm, a place that long familiarity had taught his friends was a safe place to exercise the human tendency towards physicality.  But Spock's attention had been elsewhere and he'd moved just as McCoy reached out, and rather then coming into contact with clothed arm, McCoy's hand had landed on the very sensitive back of Spock's. The psi points had flared to life instantly and with them an awareness that utterly shifted the universe as Spock knew it. Spock had reacted before he thought, his other hand moving quickly to grasp onto McCoy's wrist keeping their fingers in direct contact.

Now Spock could do nothing but sit very still as he could literally feel unused pathways in his mind opening up and new patterns settling.  McCoy was staring at him concernedly, but Spock could not spare enough of his attention to form words in response, only clutching the hand tighter.

It wasn't a gentle shift, more an upheaval, and with it came the certain clarity that while he'd never noticed it before, Spock had been horrifically off balanced until that moment.  Now, with McCoy's hand resting against his, the doctor's mind and soul hovering at the very edges of his awareness, Spock felt a rightness that was both foreign and painfully familiar.

This was not the first time someone had touched him in this way.  Nor was it the first time Spock had touched another in that manner.  In fact, he could recall five separate instances where the underside of McCoy's fingers had come into contact with the back of his.  Never before had this kind of clarity settled over Spock.  But, as with his mother's song, it apparently took a number of repetitions for the understanding to cement. 

"Spock?"  McCoy hesitantly touched Spock's shoulder with his free hand.  "It was an accident.  I know you hate your hands coming into direct contact with someone.  If you just let me go, I'll..."

Spock's grip tightened.  He turned wide eyes to his friend and stared at him in shock. 

McCoy stared back and Spock could feel his friend's thoughts flying as he tried to understand what was going on.  The moment of clarity came faster for the doctor then Spock expected.  The light of understanding burst into McCoy's eyes as his mind clicked onto the truth.  Spock watched, fascinated, as McCoy's universe shifted.

McCoy swallowed, his eyes dilating.  "Spock, I..." his voice cracked.  "This isn't something you were expecting was it?"

"No." Spock agreed, his own voice deeper then normal.  "This has been a most unexpected development."

"And," McCoy took another steadying breath, "is this pon farr, or some side affect of V'Ger?"

Spock shifted, his body moving closer to McCoy's.  "I do not believe so.  If I were to theorize, I would suggest it likely that current circumstances have simply acted as a catalyst to make us aware of the potential."

"Potential."  McCoy scuffed, yet shifted his own body till they were so close that Spock could feel the increased heat from the doctor.  "Spock, if we don't separate in the next thirty seconds I will not be responsible for my actions."

Spock said nothing, but he released McCoy's wrist.  When the doctor made no immediate move to his hand away, Spock rotated his own wrist till the pad of his fingers touched McCoy's. They both hissed as the sensation increased.

"Damn."  McCoy bit his lip as his eyes fluttered shut.  "I should back away, let us cool down, and then investigate this in the morning." McCoy opened his eyes, his pupils dilated fully and his breath going shallow.  "But I'm not feeling terribly responsible. Or I should say you aren't. What I'm feeling is really you, through your gifts?" The last part was clearly a question to which Spock nodded.

"I do not believe I am capable of letting you go."  Spock admitted softly, his fingers moving to caress the back and sides of the doctor's.

McCoy shivered.  "Well I know my fingers have never been an erogenous zone before."

Spock cocked his head.  "Does any of this disturb you, Leonard?" 

"Considering the fact that I'm returning your gesture, apparently not." McCoy muttered as his own pared fingers moved over Spock's.  "I'm not exactly new to this rodeo, friend.  The bigger question is how far do you want to this to go? And..."

Spock raised an eyebrow.  "And what?"

"Will you respect me in the morning?" McCoy smirked.

A low growl escaped unbidden from Spock and the sound caused the doctor to gasp.  He turned his hand quickly to line up their palms and fell forward to rest his head on Spock's shoulder.  Spock, in return, used his free arm to pull the other man closer until they pressed together as tightly as their uniforms would allow.

"Damn." McCoy muttered into Spock's shoulder.  "I guess it's a good thing we've both already met with command.  Nobody should come looking for us for at least another twenty-four hours."

"Indeed. However, I suggest that we find somewhere more suitable to continue?  Your office is perhaps not the wisest place for our activities."

McCoy reluctantly pulled back.  "Lead the way?"

Neither of them had any particular attachment as of yet to their quarters.  They had not even started to move their belongings to the ship or to personalize the stark regulation of their assigned rooms.  But Spock quickly chose his own since Star Fleet had seen fit to outfit the first officer's quarters with a slightly larger bed then the standard for the other lower ranking officers. They may also have done so for the CMO but he had yet to go to the doctor's quarters and did not feel like taking any chances.  Spock was very glad he’d taken the time during the incident with V’Ger to view the new ship layout and he let his eidetic memory select the fastest and most likely to provide them with privacy route between the med bay and the officer’s hall. 

As their fingers separated both men had to fight the urge to rejoin hands for the short journey.  They kept their faces set and eyes averted as they traveled, hoping that the small number of crewmen they passed wouldn't question their odd behavior.

When the door to his quarters swished shut Spock found himself with an armful of doctor as McCoy pushed him roughly into the wall.  The doctor was kissing him desperately, his hands tangled in Spock's hair.  Spock tried to return the kiss as best he could, but it was a human gesture that he feared he was inadequate in.  If he was, McCoy apparently didn't mind, at least part of him didn't.  Spock shifted to rub against the sudden hardness and his friend moaned.

Spock reached up to the hand that was currently running through his hair, his fingers quickly reestablishing their earlier contact and within seconds his own body was in a similar state.  As soon as the connection flared back into life, Spock deepened the kiss, pulling from McCoy's mind the way the doctor liked to be kissed.  McCoy wasn't afraid of experimenting it would seem and he preferred things less then gentle.  This, Spock admitted, was likely a good thing considering that he was feeling less then patient at the moment and his greater strength could easily overpower his human companion.

The connection was stronger then Spock thought and McCoy picked up on his half formed desire to simply take the man.  In response, McCoy bit down hard on Spock's lip and dragged his free hand up the inside of Spock's tunic, his finger nails scraping along the skin of his chest.

They were naked in seconds.  Spock practically tore the clothing off them both and with neither exactly sure how they got there they were on the bed, limbs tangled together. Spock released McCoy's hand and brought his own up to reach the main psi points on the doctor's face.  When McCoy gave a slight affirmative nod, Spock touched him there and brought the previous connection to the higher level of a full mating meld. 

For the second time in an hour Spock's world shifted and another level of understanding shuttered into being.  This was not the first mating meld he'd ever initiated.  McCoy was not his first lover, not even his first male lover.  But the connection they instantly shared was unlike any other he'd ever experienced.

Apparently that uniqueness was transmitted back to the doctor and Spock watched fascinated as his companion’s body stiffened.  With a look of shock on his face, Leonard came hard, Spock's hand still in place on his cheek and his own organ having yet to even be touched.

Spock gently removed his hand from the psi points but kept the link and Leonard blushed.  He started to form an apology and Spock shook his head before leaning forward to gently kiss his lover.  "I am honored." Spock whispered against his lips.  "That you find the experience of being joined with my mind so stimulating, Leonard."

The doctor's body trembled.  "God, Spock, forget about you respecting me tomorrow, I'm not going to be able to look at you without practically messing my pants."

A shiver of desire coursed through Spock.  "We will just have to insure that both of us are so completely spent that such a display will be impossible."

"I'm not as young as I was, Spock.  It's gonna take me a little while to...recharge."

Spock let a small predatory smile slip into place.  "Then it is a good thing I have no such limitations."