Shock

By Ellen Smock

Rating:  G

Friendship/Preslash

Disclaimer:  If I owned Star Trek, I wouldn’t be answering phones for a living.

Shock.  Is “shock” an emotion?  Spock feels it in his gut, in that place on his side that  seemed loud and ominously slow as though time itself had slowed down.  He feels it in the back of his throat—tight and dry, almost painful.

McCoy is gone, taken to be tortured with an 87% chance of being killed.  To protect him.  No, to protect his sanity.  McCoy valued Spock’s sanity over his own life.

Swallowing past the tightness in his throat, Spock realizes that somewhere, deep in his psyche, he’d expected McCoy to sacrifice himself.  Anything less would not be the McCoy that he knew, the McCoy that he admired.

“Why did you let him do it?”

Kirk’s accusation stings.  Spock explains that he’d also been drugged, but he knows that Kirk is right.  Spock should have anticipated McCoy’s actions and prevented them.   Whatever happens to McCoy, Spock should have prevented it.

Spock never understood the idea of “having a shock”.   Humans often encouraged others to “sit down”, to “take it easy” after “you’ve had a shock”.  Now, Spock understands.  He is physically affected.  He can feel that his reflexes are slow, his thoughts disordered.  He does not, however, have the luxury of sitting down. 

If McCoy is to be saved, he must be the one to do it.  With another shock, Spock realizes he wants to save McCoy.  He does not just want McCoy to be rescued, he wants to make it happen. 

Kirk declines his offer of escaping to the Enterprise.  It is an offer he has to make; as First Officer the safety of the Captain is supposed to be paramount. 

At the moment, it is not paramount and Spock is relieved that Kirk agrees with him.

It takes little effort on Spock’s part to bring them to McCoy’s location.  It is the only place he wants to be.

Shock.

He had known what to expect, but he is shocked.  McCoy locks eyes with him, seemingly mad.

“Spock, get him down!”

Kirk’s words jolt Spock into action.  Spock is disturbed when it is Kirk—smaller, weaker, suffering the effects of his own torture and above all,  NOT SPOCK—who carries McCoy to the bed.  Logically he should have gotten to McCoy first, he is stronger, he is Vulcan, it is his duty.  Or, is it his right?  Spock is unsure.

McCoy’s pain is palpable.  Spock tries to project comfort, holding him, touching him in ways he rarely does.  McCoy is going to die.  Spock is powerless to prevent it.  If he could switch places, take it all back, not turn his back on McCoy…Spock knows his thoughts are not logical but he is powerless to control them.

Could Gem help?  Would Gem help?  The Vians are back and Spock is again shocked.  Their force field should not be able to contain him.  His emotions are wild, unchecked and vividly on display for all to see.  He questions the Vians,  demands to know why he is being kept from his friend, why his friend is being allowed to die. Spock openly declares something long understood but never examined:  McCoy is his friend.   

Gem approaches McCoy, tries to help him.  Spock watches as McCoy pushes her away. 

The visual feedback from the force field allows Spock to focus on his emotions, to master them once more.  The field collapses around him.  He is able to disarm the Vian, releasing Kirk as well.

Still, McCoy is dying.

He hears Kirk offer all of their lives to the Vians and finds he agrees.  It is not logical, but living without McCoy is no longer an option.  Kirk’s argument, however, is logical and the Vians agree to save McCoy and return them to the Enterprise. 

               ***********************************************

With the ship safely away from the decaying planet, Spock is restless, unable to concentrate.  Adrenaline surges through his body, making it impossible to stay in one place, yet he wishes to go no where, to do nothing. He finds himself prowling his quarters making miniscule adjustments to the weaponry hanging from the walls.

Perhaps this is what it is like to recover from a shock?  Settling himself before the firepot he begins the ritual breathing that precedes meditation.  The firepot reminds him of the Vian force field, its dancing flame seeming to mimic his emotional turmoil.  He has just begun to master the flame, to tame his dancing emotions when the door chimes.  With great reluctance he pulls away from his meditation.  At least some semblance of calm has been restored.

“Come in.”

Shock.

It is Dr. McCoy.

“Doctor, should you not be resting?  You are no doubt still feeling the effects of being tortured.”

“I’m not the only one feeling after effects, Mr. Spock.”

Spock rises, the little bit of calm he’d regained vanishing.  “I do not understand, Doctor.  Are you concerned about the Captain.”

McCoy chuckles.  That soft chuckle that Spock knows will be followed by an exaggerated Southern drawl (Spock wonders when he became aware of this).

“Oh, I’m worried about Jim alright.  Don’t think I’ve forgotten what they did to him.”

Spock secures his hands behind his back, the position helping him to focus.  “Then, may I ask why you are here?”

Again, the chuckle.  “Here with you?  Isn’t that what you mean?  Why am I here with you and not with Jim?”

Spock’s confusion shows.  “Yes, Doctor, why are you here?”

The Doctor smiles.  “Give me your hand.”

“Doctor, I hardly think that’s appropriate.”

Another chuckle.  “It’ll be fine, I promise I’m not going to bite you.”

Spock releases the grip he has on his hands and holds them out, palms up.  He is relieved to see they are not shaking.  McCoy reaches out to take one hand in both of his.  Spock is overwhelmed by feelings of comfort and concern.  Startled, he looks into McCoy’s eyes.

“You were afraid I was going to die.  You were afraid but you didn’t want me to be afraid.  You let a whole lot slip through these hands when you held me on that planet.  And, I want you to know that I appreciate it.  Right now’s not the time.  I’m still a bit shaky myself and M’benga has me in post torture counseling sessions. But, maybe, you know, when M’benga gives me a clean bill of psychological health, maybe then we can talk about it.  Okay, Spock?”

Spock can only nod as McCoy releases his hand, reaches up and touches his cheek before turning to leave.

Shock.