Title: The Slip that Brought Me to My Knees
Author: Servatia
Rating: NC-17
Series: TOS
Disclaimer: I own nothing of the universe.
Warning: Caveat lector?
Summary: After a session of intense lovemaking, Spock loses
consciousness and doesn’t seem to wake up. There’s no apparent reason, and
Leonard is at a complete loss for an answer.
In this scenario, Spock never went to Gol. Sequel to I am Your
Destiny, I’m Your Cure but can stand alone. Takes place well past TMP. Title’s
so obvious I won’t even get started. And there are more R.E.M. references in
there. I’ll list them below, but I might overlook one while proofreading.
And again, I like feedback!
The Slip that Brought Me to My Knees
Leonard awoke to a
hand running down his side. He didn’t move, unwilling to interrupt the
unguarded act. The hand was now on his hip, then his buttock, the touch
infinitely light and gentle. His sex was filling with blood, but he didn’t let
the other know he was awake. He wanted to enjoy this. When the journeying hand
settled on the crack between his cheeks and a finger started to fondle his
perineum, he had to struggle not to move and to keep his breath even. For a
moment, the hand withdrew and Leonard felt its absence keenly. When the fingers
returned, they were wet, settling on his entrance, probing so very gently,
sliding in and out of him with practically no resistance.
‘I know
you are awake,’ Spock whispered while his fingers nudged that sweet spot inside
him. Leonard smiled and shifted, giving the Vulcan better access.
‘Good,’ he
replied. ‘Carry on.’ The fingers slipped from him and were replaced with
something larger that rested against his entrance. The very thought elicited a
moan from Leonard. ‘Come on, Spock. Make love to me.’
‘Not yet,’
Spock told him. Both arms enveloped him and Spock’s erection slipped between
Leonard’s thighs, poking into his testicles. ‘I want to remind you of
something, my beloved.’ Spock’s hands turned him around so they were face to
face. Love shone from the Vulcan’s eyes with no restraint or discipline trying
to hide it. When their lips met, it was sweet and warm, a touch of pure
tenderness. ‘I love you, Len.’ The words were whispered against his lips,
barely audible. ‘A year ago, we made an agreement. That if we stay together
until now and all is well, we shall bond.’ Leonard swallowed. The phrasing
alone sounded sterile, but the delivery was everything but. He remembered that
conversation and the evening before it vividly. They had almost fallen apart.
Almost.
‘You feel
secure enough?’ The answer was a curt nod.
‘I do. But
I need your permission. I shall not hold it against you if this is something
you do not wish. This kind of connection is very deep and for a human it might
feel like an intrusion.’
‘So you’ve
told me,’ Leonard said. One of his hands was on the back of Spock’s neck,
caressing him just with his fingertips, their legs were intertwined and their
groins pressed close. ‘I thought about this a lot. I have to admit I feared it
first, but now … I want this so much. All of you, Spock, all you are, all you
have to give. And I … well, I did some research. Don’t you need a bond during …
you know. Then.’ Leonard received a Vulcan smile for that. There was nothing
more stunning. ‘God, you’re beautiful when you look at me that way.’ Another featherlight
brush of Vulcan lips against his.
‘I need it
if you wish to be there for me then. I am, however, aware, that the thought may
be disconcerting for you.’
‘You don’t
scare me,’ Leonard said gently. ‘I don’t assume you’d attack me if I’m there
and willing.’
‘No. But
if I know in time that I will not have a bondmate, I can receive help on
Vulcan.’
‘Help?’
‘Priestesses.’
‘Oh, no.
No way.’ Leonard kissed him, passionately this time, perhaps even a little
possessively. Judging from the amused expression when he pulled away, it had
seemed that way to Spock.
‘Indeed I
would prefer to be with you. Very much. I could survive with them, but with you
it can be beautiful. Not so much the fulfilment of a biological need as an
offering of my absolute devotion.’ Leonard cupped Spock’s cheek.
‘I’d like
that,’ he said sincerely. ‘Spock, I really want this. I know it’s for life. I
know that I can’t ever touch anyone else. But I want only you. I love you
madly. You do believe me, don’t you?’ Again, Spock nodded. ‘Can you do it now?’
‘I had
hoped that you would find that agreeable.’ Instead of an answer, Leonard
grabbed Spock’s hand and placed it on his face. The beautiful long fingers
parted and settled on the meld points. Spock entered his mind with the same
caution he used for his body, probing, letting him adjust, prepared to give him
all the time of the world to do so.
They had
melded before in the line of duty, but never like this. When Spock had used
this technique, there had been a barrier that protected both their privacies.
Now there was no such thing. And yet, the Vulcan’s presence wasn’t searching,
it was just there. Tendrils of another being interwove with him, creating a
link.
Actually,
it didn’t seem like a link. Much more like an alloy, both of them merging so
completely they became quite literally one. When Spock removed his hand, an
echo of that sensation remained with Leonard. He had no idea how long they had
been joined like this. All he knew was that his state of arousal had increased to
the point of being almost painful. ‘It is done,’ the Vulcan told him. ‘Over
time, this link will deepen, making it possible to communicate without touch.’
‘Is that
what they did with you and T’Pring?’
‘In
essence, yes. Although that link was weaker because it was never used.’
‘How could
she reject you? I’m glad, mind you, but … how?’
‘Perhaps
she sensed that I did not want her. That I love another.’ Leonard reached down
between them and took Spock’s hard member into his hand, stroking him lightly.
‘Spock …
need you. C’mon, stick it in. Do me.’ The Vulcan’s eyes closed in
acknowledgement and he turned Leonard back around. Placing one arm under him
and adjusting their position with the other, he held him close, Spock’s chest
to his back. Carefully, he pushed into him, his sex slippery with the viscous
fluid Vulcan males produced and exuded through the skin on the glans and, to a
lesser extent, the shaft. Leonard pushed back, wanting nothing more than to
feel his mate. Slowly, they moved together, the room filled with deep breaths
and the wet sounds of their lovemaking. Before he’d been with Spock, Leonard
had never felt that word could be so accurate. This was not about hormones but
closeness, true, absolute intimacy. Leonard reached back behind him and
threaded his fingers into Spock’s hair. A strong hand wrapped around his sex,
stroking him in time with the wonderful movement in and out of his body. When
they made love like this, the sensations were almost overwhelming. Not even a
piece of paper would have fit between them, with Spock holding him tightly
against his chest, the Vulcan’s nose pressed against his neck, warm breath
whispering over his skin. With each deep thrust Leonard felt the Vulcan’s
testicles pressing against his own, with each upwards motion of the cool hand on
his erection a slight twist at the head. Leonard’s body wanted to push against
the Vulcan at least twice as fast, but he didn’t, let himself be loved
thoroughly and slowly.
With a
barely suppressed groan, Spock pulled out of him and sat up. Leonard felt himself
being pulled up into his lap by the much stronger man. He lowered himself onto
Spock’s hard sex, wrapping his arms around his frame and burying his face in
his neck. ‘I love this, you know: this position,’ he whispered into a pointed
ear.
‘Yes.’ Spock’s
hands were on his buttocks, kneading gently. ‘Len … there is a residual risk in
this link. I could get carried away and accidentally injure you.’
‘You won’t
hurt me,’ Leonard told his Vulcan, pressing their foreheads together. ‘You
could crush me with your bare hands, but you never so much as bruised me. Not
in anger or in love. You’re not gonna strangle me now if you haven’t so far,
and God knows I gave you reasons.’ Spock’s hands went to the back of his neck.
‘I could
more easily stop my heartbeat,’ the Vulcan said. Leonard offered a dazzling
smile.
‘What are
you worrying about then?’ He kissed Spock to stop him from answering. Vulcans
might be able to have sex and sophisticated conversation at the same time, but
he certainly couldn’t bring himself to keep track. All he could do was feel the
thick organ filling him, his own erection trapped between them, pliable lips
against his, a tongue exploring, his lips being sucked on, hands roaming until
they settled on his hips again, firmly, to halt his motions.
Spock let
himself fall backwards. He was breathing hard, his control in tatters. Leonard
squeezed with his muscles and the Vulcan moaned in answer, twitching inside him.
Holding Leonard above him, he started thrusting into him faster. His eyes fixed
on Leonard’s groin, and after a short time, Spock’s movements slowed. He pulled
at Leonard’s hips, manoeuvring them closer to his face to eye him with a
scientist’s interest. If it wasn’t for the swollen, slightly open lips the
Vulcan might be looking into a microscope, staring at some curious single-cell
organism. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ Leonard asked huskily. He wasn’t
certain if he was feeling quite comfortable with that kind of stare.
‘I have
always found your copious production of fluid before ejaculation fascinating.’
A hand closed around Leonard’s shaft, tugging once, twice. A bead of thick,
clear fluid dribbled down, landing on Spock’s lower lip and gathering in the
small hollow beneath it. Leonard tried not to stare just as badly as his mate when
Spock didn’t show the slightest inclination to remove the drop.
‘What’s so
fascinating about Cowper’s fluid?’ he asked instead, hardly recognising his own
voice.
‘Vulcans
do not produce it.’ Leonard was torn between amusement and defeat about Spock’s
idea of dirty talk. He did that occasionally, and by now Leonard knew what he
wanted. He wanted him to talk medical to him. Whyever that was.
‘You don’t
need it for pH-regulation or flushing out the seminal duct because Vulcan
plumbing is neat enough to have a completely separate one for the ureter. And
human males don’t self lubricate the way you do, inside the rectum and on the
whole penis. Same thing, even. Bulbourethral glands or at least what you’ve got
for them. Why’m I telling you, you know that!’ A moist tongue flicked over the
small slit on Leonard’s glans when Spock tugged again, and he moaned. Another,
more significant spurt of liquid was caught by Spock’s mouth and swallowed. His
eyes closed before he answered.
‘True. I
know what it is. But I wonder if all humans produce such an amount of it.’
Leonard flushed.
‘No. I
used to take something to reduce it when I was young because … I found it
highly embarrassing. But I’m starting to think you actually like it.’ Spock
sucked the tip of his erection into his mouth, letting his tongue swirl around
his prey, and Leonard felt the result pulsing through him in languid waves. He
was so close, but he wanted to finish while his lover was inside him. Spock
drank from him as if it was purest nectar.
‘Indeed,’
Spock said when he released him again. Still holding him in one hand, he
pressed the tip of his tongue against his frenulum. Leonard’s hands clasped
Spock’s wrists and he groaned.
‘Stop
torturing me, would you?’ Spock looked up to meet his eyes, the first drop still
glistening between his lower lip and his chin, part of it smeared onto his
lips. The entire picture was so surreal Leonard chuckled. Both eyebrows rose.
He smiled and reached down to gather the liquid with a finger. When he put it
into Spock’s mouth, the slight amusement gave way to pure fire. Leonard found
himself on his back with his legs in the air and Spock back inside him.
‘Better?’
The word came as an almost-growl.
‘Much,’ he
answered, locking his legs behind Spock’s back. ‘Turns you on when I wipe your
lips and feed you with my precum?’ He pushed up and circled his hips.
‘Only you
can do this to me. Only you see me like this. There can never be another. Only
you.’ Spock’s quiet pledge touched Leonard deeply. Even now it was rare for the
Vulcan to be as vocal about his emotions as he was today. Gladly, he didn’t
seem to need an answer. Instead, he started to thrust in earnest, burying
himself inside his bondmate with increasing urgency. Whatever thought Leonard
had had vanished, and all he could do was move with him. Perhaps because of the
bond, their encounter was extremely intense for him, sweet and wild.
He had
learned to read Spock long ago. He knew the signs that Spock was getting close.
But this morning, something was very different. He noticed how Spock’s eyes shut,
which was usually the first indicator. At the same time, something inside the
alien opened and swallowed Leonard whole. He felt … he felt everything Spock
felt. He felt the pistoning movement inside him, hitting that sweet spot over
and over again – and he felt himself ensconced in tight heat that was literally
milking him. Spock was muttering in Vulcan, apparently completely lost in the
sensation, and the fact that he was so far gone made a nonsense of Leonard’s
attempt to still hold back. He moaned and clutched Spock’s shoulders when he
came. Spock followed him a split second behind … or maybe Leonard followed, he
couldn’t tell.
They
hadn’t managed to catch their breaths when the intercom beeped. ‘Shut up,’
Leonard grated. He held on to his Vulcan, hoping that whoever it was would give
up.
‘Kirk to
McCoy, come in.’ Spock slipped down from him, but Leonard refused to move.
‘Len, you should
…’
‘What side
are you on, anyway?’ He turned his head, smiling slightly, before leaving their
bed. Without bothering to put on clothes, he sat down before the terminal and
answered. ‘McCoy here, Jim. I hope this is an emergency.’ For a moment, the
face on the screen had an open expression, then it showed confusion. At last, a
grin. Leonard knew what he looked like: face and chest visible on the screen,
hair mussed up, beads of sweat and a distinct flush speaking a language of
their own.
‘Did I
disturb you, by any chance?’
‘What
gives you that idea, Jim? Aside from the fact that I’m not on duty for the next
three hours.’ Leonard asked innocently. A soft chuckle answered.
‘Sorry.
But I need you in the conference room. And Spock. You wouldn’t know where he
is?’
‘I might.
Do I have ten minutes?’
‘You have
twenty. I’ll say you’re with a patient. Bones … have you considered letting the
rest of the world know?’
‘No.’
‘Look …
it’s none of my business, but the crew would actually be happy for both of
you.’
‘Most of
them. Someone might realise that there’s a weakness to exploit. I’ll see you in
twenty minutes.’ He cut the connection and sighed. ‘Shower?’ When Spock didn’t
answer, Leonard turned to the bed. His heart nearly stopped. Spock still lay
there, sprawled on his back, eyes staring at the ceiling. Something was
terribly wrong. ‘Spock?’ he asked, feeling suddenly cold. He rushed over to the
Vulcan and placed a hand on his pulse.
He was
certainly breathing, and the pulse was normal. But there was no reaction, his
eyes fixed upwards and not moving. ‘Oh God,’ Leonard breathed and raced to the
intercom. ‘Sickbay, this is McCoy. I need a medical team with a stretcher in my
quarters at once.’ He dressed quickly and waited for two minutes that felt like
hours.
ϡ
Jim came rushing into
sickbay, pale and wide eyed. ‘What’s wrong with him, Bones?’ he asked in a
hushed voice. Leonard swallowed.
‘I wish I
knew.’ He rubbed a hand over his face. ‘Physically, I can’t find anything wrong
with him. But he’s been … like this ever since you called.’ He swallowed. ‘What
if I did this to him somehow, Jim?’ Warmth entered the frightened look on Jim’s
face and he shook his head.
‘No,
Bones. Don’t be ridiculous.’ Jim’s hands came to rest on his shoulders. ‘You’ll
find the answer. You always do.’
‘Wish I
had your confidence. What about your meeting?’
‘Postponed
for an hour. And you’re excused. Spock’s more important than a briefing.’
‘Thanks.’
Jim sat down on a chair beside Spock. Leonard hovered over the Vulcan and
stared down into the dark eyes. ‘He should see and hear us, but he’s not
processing any of it. His mind is going haywire behind all this, but he can’t
communicate. I can’t even comfort him. Jim, I … I’ve never felt so powerless.’
At last, Leonard did sit. He took Spock’s hand and brought it to his lips. He
held it there when he continued talking. ‘I’ve monitored his brainwaves. Even
when I hold his hand, there’s nothing. He’s all alone.’
‘Vulcan
Science Academy?’
‘Christine’s
trying to reach them. There’s some data available, suggesting a mind meld gone
wrong. But that would be immediate, and not with Spock. He’s too good at this.’
‘Shame
you’re not bonded to him. Maybe you could reach him on a more direct level,
find out what’s wrong.’ Leonard froze.
‘I am.’ He
looked at Jim. ‘I am, but only since … earlier today. I don’t know how to do
this.’ His friend’s eyes fixed on his.
‘Try.
Maybe you can get through. Maybe he can tell you. Assuming bondmates can
communicate without touch.’ Leonard nodded eagerly and licked his lips.
‘They can.
But I can’t! I’m not a telepath!’
‘Then
don’t ask the VSA. Ask Amanda.’
‘That’s
gonna be cheerful. Hi, Amanda, this is McCoy. How does a human use a bond? Why?
Oh, because I’m bonded to your son. No, he’s not fine. He’s comatose. Might be
dying.’ Leonard fell silent. His face felt cold, he knew he must be sheet
white. ‘Jim, he’s a Vulcan. He can’t exist like that. He’ll die.’ Burying his
nose in Spock’s hand, he fought his tears. ‘He’ll die,’ he whispered. ‘She’ll
blame me. And maybe she’d be right. What if I did this?’ Jim sighed.
‘Bones.
Look at me, Bones.’ Reluctantly, he did. ‘She won’t blame you. I don’t, and
Spock most certainly doesn’t either. Aside … from the fact … that you couldn’t
do this … you wouldn’t. You love him.’ Slowly, Leonard nodded. ‘I never asked
you … never dared. Before this mission, you said you’re not coming even though
Spock said he’d return, then Spock said you’d changed your mind about five
minutes before our departure. What happened there?’
‘Crisis.
Horrible, major crisis. And the last thing I want to think about right now.’ He
held the hand he had captive firmly, pushing that terrible night away.
‘Tonight, exactly a year ago, and I’m still half astounded we managed to make
it all okay. Jim, I love him so much. What if he doesn’t know just how much I
adore him?’
‘He knows.
Don’t worry. He knows that. Telepath, remember?’
‘Doctor?’
Christine’s voice sounded timid. She had been among the team that came running
into Leonard’s quarters. Now she and a few of his people knew exactly what they
were. A naked Vulcan on his bed was a dead giveaway. Pushing the thought from
his mind, Leonard placed Spock’s hand gently on the biobed and stood. ‘I have
an answer from the Vulcan Science Academy. They have no idea, but they will do
research and come back to you.’
‘Thank
you, Christine. Another favour. Contact the Vulcan ambassador, I need to speak
to his wife. Don’t tell them what happened, I’ll try and avoid that.’
ϡ
Leonard’s hands were
shaking, but the woman on the screen couldn’t see that. Even so, she saw that
something was terribly wrong. The question in her eyes at the mere fact that Leonard
McCoy had contacted her was glaring out at him. Despite that, she looked as if
barely a year had passed since first they’d met. ‘Lady Amanda,’ he said. ‘I
have a question, and I don’t know how to ask it.’
‘Doctor,
I’ve spent so many years on Vulcan that I can assure you I can handle honesty
even if it is quite blatant.’ He pursed his lips and nodded.
‘Very
well. I’ll just ask then. Is it possible for a human bonded to a Vulcan to use
the mind link? To initiate a meld, so to speak, when touching is impossible?’ A
slight frown appeared on Amanda’s face.
‘The
simple answer to that question is yes, but I doubt that this helps you,’ she
said calmly. ‘I can’t describe or explain to you how to do this, because there
is no way you would understand. A bond is more than a simple link.’
‘I know.’
He swallowed. The apprehension on the woman’s face finally did the trick. He
would be honest. ‘The truth is, Spock is unconscious. Physically, I cannot find
anything wrong, but he’s not registering anything. Voice, touch, visual input,
none of it. His mind’s in a frenzy and I can’t let him know we’re here for him
to at least make him comfortable until I’ve found a solution.’ Amanda held
herself so well she might be a Vulcan.
‘I don’t
understand your initial question. Spock is unbonded.’
‘No. He’s
not.’ Leonard looked straight at her. ‘He’s bonded to me.’ Amanda’s eyes went
wide.
‘Since
when?’
‘This
morning. A short while before he passed out. Lady Amanda, I need help here.
What if I caused this somehow?’ She shook her head vigorously.
‘You
couldn’t. And I am very certain you wouldn’t. Did you agree to this bond?’
‘What do
you think? Of course I did! He’d never force himself on anyone.’
‘No. But I
had to ask. Doctor, can I give this some thought and return to you? I need to
talk to my husband. How soon could you come to Vulcan?’
‘Two
weeks.’ He’d checked that first.
‘Wait for
me, I shall not be long.’ The connection was cut, and Leonard mentally prepared
himself for a few agonising hours. The signal came after less than five
minutes, and this time there were two faces on the screen.
‘Ambassador
… Good evening.’
‘To you as
well, doctor. Time is of the essence so I will not lecture you about propriety.
You cannot come to Vulcan, you do not have the time. If my son is completely
cut off from his surroundings, he does not have two weeks.’
‘I know,’
Leonard said, staring right into the dark eyes fixing him so severely. ‘It’s
why I called Lady Amanda. I need to help him.’
‘Yes, you
do. But I doubt that you will be able.’
‘I’m just
a frail human, I know, hardly worthy of consideration.’ Sarek waved him away.
‘I respect
my son’s choice, but I do not appreciate that I hear this news in such a
manner.’
‘I’m …
God, I’m sorry. But I’m, frankly, I’m so scared.’
‘Naturally.’
Amanda’s voice was set, but her eyes mirrored his own fear. The fact that Sarek
even talked to him spoke volumes, too. ‘I can try and help you to establish
contact. Close your eyes and focus inwards. You have to find the bond inside
your mind.’
‘How?’
‘Did you
not notice a change after it was created?’ Sarek asked. Leonard wondered how to
answer that one, opened his mouth and closed it. He could hardly tell Spock’s
parents that he had sensed the change when they had sex. A hint of impatience
appeared on Sarek’s face. ‘Doctor, I know how a bond is created and secured.
Your false modesty is not helpful.’ He flushed crimson.
‘You’re …
absolutely right. I noticed a change. I could sense Spock and feel what he did
when he was … you really need details?’ Sarek raised one eyebrow. ‘Well, he was
… the active partner.’
‘Ah. Then
my first suspicion that he simply made a mistake is wrong. Did you change parts
later or did the complications occur before that?’ Leonard refused to ask what
sort of mistake.
‘We … were
called to a meeting right afterwards, so no. Only we never got to the meeting
either. Would a mistake be a reason for him to pass out like that?’
‘Yes. Now
do as you are told. Amanda will assist you as far as she is able over the
computer. I cannot because she may know better how to explain to a human what
would come naturally after a while.’ Leonard nodded and closed his eyes. A part
of his mind wondered how two Vulcans of different sex created a bond if he had
to enter Spock, too, never mind two females. Mentally chastising himself for
getting distracted, Leonard pushed the thought away when Amanda spoke to him.
‘Think of
how you perceived him. Think of how you felt through him. And hold on to that
sensation. Hold it in your mind and your heart.’ He tried to do what she said. He
really tried. But all he achieved was fear and sadness washing through him. He
opened his eyes and shook his head. ‘I didn’t expect you to manage at your
first attempt. You’ll need time and it might be easier if you touch him. Even
if he can’t feel it, perhaps it can ground you enough.’
‘Doctor,
Spock’s life depends on you. Do not think your humanity will stop you from
reaching him. There must be something in his mind, and chances are he knows it.
When you manage to get the required information, let us know.’
‘If he
can’t be specific, what do you think this is?’
‘A
previous meld gone wrong, I assume. I shall also ask the Vulcan Science
Academy.’
‘I already
asked them, Ambassador. Maybe it’s best if they give you their reply. I’ll
check back when I know something, at the latest in four hours.’
‘Very
well. Until then.’
ϡ
Leonard had turned
the lights down when he returned to Spock’s room and locked the door. He sat
down on the bed, placing the head of the man he loved in his lap. ‘God, don’t
leave me,’ he whispered, knowing the Vulcan couldn’t hear him. He placed his
fingers on his temples and closed his eyes. He didn’t fight the tears that
welled in his eyes, let them fall until a relative calm settled in him again.
He thought of the time they’d shared so far. Of their love that had grown
steadily between them. Of this morning, the feel of Spock’s skin against his,
the sweet friction, the whispered words of love and desire. Of how it had
seemed that their roles were reversed.
Suddenly,
Leonard felt as if he was floating in a thick liquid that, strangely, allowed
him to breathe. ‘Spock?’ he asked tentatively. He heard his own voice and felt
the word in his mind, trying to reach his bondmate. ‘God, please, please
answer.’
‘Len, can
it be?’ Relief flooded him, relief so strong he nearly lost his focus.
‘I’m here,
honey. I’m here with you. What’s happening, how can I help you?’ The sense of
profound sadness he had felt when he had talked to Amanda came back, and he
realised that even then the sensation hadn’t been his own. He tried to make
Spock feel safe and loved. ‘Spock, do you feel me? Talk to me, my love.’ He
felt a wave of pure affection directed at him and knew it was working.
‘I hear
you. What is my status?’
‘Unconscious.
You’re in some sort of cataleptic state. I talked to your parents, they told me
how to reach you. Your father reckons you can tell me what’s wrong with you.’
There was a pause, and somehow Leonard knew that Spock needed the time to
listen into himself.
‘I am
uncertain,’ he said at last. ‘But even now I sense that there is something
obstructing our connection. There is much more focus on my part required than
there should be. An external influence standing between us.’
‘A meld
gone wrong?’
‘Unknown.
I believe this is deliberate or at least under some amount of control.’
‘You mean
someone is keeping us separate on purpose? Who’d do that? Why?’
‘I find
myself at a loss. Perhaps a Vulcan healer could help.’
‘Spock,
there’s no time for that!’ Panic flared in Leonard’s soul and he couldn’t keep
it under a lid. ‘You need to regain consciousness, this stasis is killing you,
and I need you. I can’t lose you just after you bonded with me. I can’t ever
lose you.’ Spock’s mind wrapped around him like a blanket, soothing the fear
away.
‘You can
help me hold on. This is strengthening me. The sense I am lacking I have
through you when we are joined like this. Your presence in my mind a comfort
too strong for words.’ There was another pause. ‘This happened after the bond
was half complete. It means that someone must have planted a mental block
inside me that would be triggered at a deep mental connection.’
‘This is a
crime, that’s what you’re saying. Someone wanted to kill you.’ He swallowed.
‘I’ll make an educated guess. T’Pring.’
‘She had
no reason to do such a thing.’
‘Foolish,
gentle Vulcan. She hated your guts, Spock. Is it hypothetically possible that
when your link with her was severed, she placed a bug in your mind? That in
case you lost to Jim you’d die if you ever tried to bond?’
‘I
reiterate. She had no reason. Additionally, losing a fight to the death makes
such an action rather excessive.’ Impatience was rising like bile in Leonard’s
mind, and Spock finally answered. ‘It is, in theory, possible.’
‘Spock,
I’ll tell your parents this. If she’s innocent, that’s fine. If she’s not,
would you know how it works?’
‘There are
two options. Either an incomplete separation of her link with me, but that
would be an accident. If this were the case, it would have happened long ago
when she and Stonn bonded. Or she placed a trace of her mind inside me. Your
analogy to a bug is not entirely inaccurate. It would be a flaw in my
programming, a part of me that is incompatible with any other mind that would
be joined to mine. Such an act is unheard of. A violation. I refuse to believe
that she would do such a thing.’
‘Spock …
I’m going to withdraw. I’ll talk to your parents. But I’ll come back. I love
you. So much, Spock. You know that, don’t you?’ He could almost feel those
wonderful hands framing his face with infinite gentleness.
‘Yes, Len.
I know it. I shall await your return.’
ϡ
Vulcans didn’t
express fury, but being around a Vulcan day in and day out had taught Leonard
to read them. And Sarek, when he heard what Leonard had to say, had transformed
into a God of vengeance without any visible change in his expression. Amanda
looked simply disgusted. ‘I have to correct my son,’ Sarek said at last, his
voice deep and rough. ‘It is not unheard of. The Vulcan Science Academy has
come up with the same answer if it turns out that it was not an error he made
during a mind meld. There is little that can be done.’
‘What is
it, then? What can I do?’
‘Break the
bond.’ Leonard went cold all over.
‘I …
couldn’t. I would to save him. God knows I’d do anything to save him. But I
don’t know how.’
‘Meld with
him and push him away. Without an explanation, shove him so hard he retreats.
It will be easier if you have intercourse with another before.’
‘No. That
… I can’t. I’ll try breaking him loose, but I won’t betray him.’
‘Either
way, once the bond is severed, it cannot be restored. I am afraid that this is
your choice.’ Leonard felt despair so overwhelming he thought he must die of
it.
‘I … will
he forgive me?’
‘Unlikely.
But it will destroy the shard of another mind and he will be able to bond with
someone else.’
‘He won’t
understand. Sarek, I don’t …’
‘Doctor, I
am fully aware that it is more than can be asked of you. I would find such an
act impossible and shall think no less of you for failing, even if the bond you
share is yet incomplete and young enough to allow severance without destroying
you both. I do not, however, expect you to succeed in something that would be
impossible for me.’
‘Is there
no other way?’
‘None that
you can do, Doctor. He would need to live despite the shard, to find it and
keep it shut out or to expel it. In both cases, you would have to help him do
that, but you are not a Vulcan.’ Sarek allowed himself a minute sigh. ‘If your
roles were reversed, I would recommend Spock not to try because the dangers to
your mind would be too great, and he is a distinguished telepath. You would not
be able. Most likely, you would achieve nothing. You might destroy him.
Breaking your bond, at least, is safe if you manage it.’
ϡ
Leonard knew he had
to do it. He downed two glasses of bourbon, hoping that would help. It didn’t.
He found himself sitting there, Spock’s head resting on his lap as before, and
he couldn’t get himself to even initiate the contact. All he could think of was
the pain he would cause. Swallowing all the pain, he started. Spock had to
live. The rest … was not important. He’d probably never see the wonderful man
again, because if Leonard broke their link, the Vulcan would leave. There was
no doubt about that. This was the ultimate betrayal.
The
contact was so sweet, all he wanted to do was let the presence of the other man
caress him. ‘Spock, look … This is never going to work, and I can’t be your
babysitter all the time.’ He’d stung Spock, and he felt it keenly. This was so
similar to how they had fought … how each had hurt the other almost to breaking
point. And now Leonard was doing it again after they had patched their
relationship back together, after they had both fully realised what it was they
had nearly lost. And he was doing it on purpose. But in the past year he had
reassured Spock so much that the Vulcan pushed the rejection away and answered
with serenity.
‘I am
aware of that. All I ask is that you return every seven hours to support me. I
do not need constant attention.’ Leonard retreated from the love radiating at
him.
‘No …
look, I’m just going to break our connection, and …’
‘No!’
There was something akin to panic in the reply. ‘No, Leonard, do not do this to
me.’
‘I’ve got
to, Spock. It was clearly a bad idea. Tell me how.’ Silence. ‘Don’t be
ridiculous. All I want is out of this meld and that link.’ Spock’s pain pulsed
through Leonard, growing like a cancer and gnawing at his soul.
‘You are
certain?’ He had to. Once in his life, Leonard had to ignore his emotions. Had
to be cold and logical.
‘Yes,’ he managed.
If Spock refused to take his word for it and searched more deeply, he’d find
that the pain was shared and that Leonard loved him completely. That this was
the last thing he really wanted. But Spock didn’t search.
A wall
slammed up between them, and Leonard was unable to feel Spock. At the same
time, something he hadn’t known he had was slipping out of his grasp, like a
smooth wet thing that he just couldn’t hold. He let it go, like a thick rope
gliding through his hands. With every centimetre he got closer to panic. And
suddenly every instinct inside him screamed protest. Consciously, he wanted to
let go because he had to, but his mind shut off while his soul grabbed at the
link, holding it, digging into it to stop the withdrawal, and for a moment it
slowed. Slowed, but didn’t stop.
And
Leonard’s mind gave up, surrendering to instinct willingly. He couldn’t do it.
He’d find a way, some way. But this … despite the wall of Vulcan discipline he
sensed the pain this act caused Spock, and it hurt him, too, hurt him to the
point of insanity. ‘No,’ he whispered. Then, he screamed the word, over and
over, hoping that his Vulcan would hear him. ‘No, don’t go, this is all wrong!
I can’t … Please … honey, don’t go!’ If Spock could hear him, he ignored his
shouts, and Leonard was running out of time, the rope was thinning to a thread.
He slammed himself against the very visible wall, pounded against it, clawed
into it, injuring himself in the process and not caring one bit. Only when he
thought he would break his own mind on the shield the process stopped.
‘Len?’ The
single syllable was so tentative, a last, shy question, begging him to stop the
madness. He was more than willing to.
‘Spock …
my God, no. Don’t go!’ He flung himself at the essence of the being, crashing
right through the barrier that had been softened just a little. ‘Oh Spock. I
can’t … I can’t, but I should, but I love you so much.’
‘What …
what is it you want? I do not understand. Why would you hurt me so?’ The pain
was so deep, so clear, Leonard nearly shattered from it. He didn’t answer at
once, tried to convey only what he felt, and he succeeded. The rest of the
shield went and their link flared up brightly, a purgatorial fire that burnt
down the fear and pain and left only joy behind. Finally, he found it in him to
explain.
‘There’s
some presence in you that’ll stop you from coming back, but it would’ve been
broken if I’d severed the bond. But I can’t let it go. I just can’t. Oh,
honey.’
‘I
believed …’ The thought was left unfinished, unimportant in the light of their
bond. ‘I must say, your mind is remarkably strong. Len, I will rather stay this
way than live without you.’
‘I’ll
rather have you back. All the way. But I don’t think I can do it. I’d have to …
I don’t know. Find that other in you.’ He received something that felt like a
smile.
‘I am very
certain that you can. You know me very well, it will be easy for you to tell us
apart.’
‘I wish I
had your faith in me.’
‘You
should. Beautiful, beloved human. Do not withdraw from me. Something that causes
us both such anguish cannot be the answer. There is literature on the subject
available from the Vulcan Science Academy. Do not ask them for help, they will
not be forthcoming. But you can learn how to recognise an intruder. It can hide
from me, but not from an external observer. I trust you completely.’ Leonard
started to break from the meld. ‘Len … Promise you’ll come back.’
‘Of
course, honey. Soon as I can.’
ϡ
Leonard heard the
constant beep of the biobed and jerked upright. ‘What the hell?’ Christine was
at his side in an instant, pressing him down.
‘You lost
consciousness. We feared you were lost, too. It even seemed as if you were
about to have a heart attack.’
‘How
long’ve I been out?’
‘Nine
hours.’ Leonard swore.
‘Stupid,
stupid idea. And I should be tarred and feathered for even thinking about it!’
The worry on Christine’s face increased, if anything. ‘I’m all right. This
isn’t going to happen again.’
‘You’ll
stay right where you are until I can be sure.’
‘Let me
use the computer at least.’
‘If that
keeps you on this bed.’
There
wasn’t much to be found, but what information there was, Leonard absorbed.
First, he was the only one who could do it. No healer had the intricate
knowledge of another’s mind a bondmate had. Of course, that usually meant being
bonded for a while and being a Vulcan. So with him being a human bonded to
Spock for what seemed like three seconds, it might be impossible. But his was
the best shot. Second, someone had to look after them. He could very well get
lost in the link, hurt himself. He wasn’t going to tell anyone that. His best
chance was to be completely secluded with Spock. If someone overly worried
interrupted at the slightest problem, he wouldn’t get far. Three, he could
actually try and get rid of the other thing.
What he
had to do was very similar to the way he had used their bond so far: create a
link and get Spock to open up enough to show him everything. Up until now,
their contact had been a deep connection. This would be more, a true merging
with Leonard in control. The thought frightened him. One mistake and Spock’s
mind could be damaged beyond repair. He wasn’t one of the few human telepaths,
had no training in any related discipline. All he had was profound knowledge of
psychology to rely on and the love and respect he felt for the individual so at
his mercy.
He waited
patiently until the night. Then he quickly disabled his biobed and locked the
door with Jim as the only person able to override the lock. The Captain would
never open this door without a very good reason. Then, for the third time, he
gathered Spock in his lap, and made contact with his mind.
He was
welcomed by a wave of love, and this time he let it reach and suffuse him, let
Spock sense that the feeling was mutual. ‘I know what to do. What I don’t know
is if I’ll have you to guide me.’
‘You will.
I can help.’
‘Spock, I
could harm you.’
‘You will
not. I trust you. You are intelligent and cautious. This will soon be over.’
‘Will this
thing fight me?’
‘We shall
see. Commence, Len.’ Taking a deep breath, Leonard did what he had read. He
cleared his mind, tried to think of nothing but Spock, of the presence he felt.
Spock helped, was there with him, near him, in him, around him. Their means of
communication changed from verbal to something much more primal. There was
amusement about the pictures in Leonard’s mind. Apparently, for a Vulcan the
meld wasn’t like this, no visual allegories for what was incomprehensible. But
then again, they were supposed to understand the details of the mind. Leonard
couldn’t, so he compensated by creating images, visions of walls and the rope
that was their link and darkness that was the vastness of their minds and
lights that were thoughts.
Lights …
of different shapes and colours, shifting and changing and interwoven. But
there was a pattern, something in common. He started to see where he ended and
where Spock began. They were in perfect sync, but not the same. And then he
found it. A light that disrupted the order, a single, small, lost thing. He had
expected something malevolent. He found a tiny boat in a vast ocean, a
plaything of the waves and yet a danger to the very water that was threatening
it. He withdrew slightly, unable to cope with the depth of the meld. ‘That … is
that her?’
‘No, this
does not feel like T’Pring. It is, however, familiar.’ Spock’s voice in his
mind sounded calmer than ever since this mess began. ‘I believe this will be
easier than you thought. But I doubt that I can help you. You need to reach out
to it, perhaps can persuade it to withdraw. Do not destroy it, you might hurt
the owner.’
‘Do what,
then? Ask it to return to whence it came?’
‘Yes, that
would seem to be the best course of action.’
‘Spock … I
can’t do that!’
‘Yes, you
can. Help me. Help us. I wish to live. I wish to spend many years at your side.
It is up to you to give us this time.’
‘No
pressure, right?’
‘You will
manage, my beloved.’ Again, he went down into the abyss. This time, he found
the wrong light at once and approached. It retreated, tried to evade like a
wounded animal.
‘I won’t
hurt you,’ he said. It didn’t quite seem like he said anything. All he could
transmit was a wave of calm, but for him it was easier to use language as a
kind of reference. At least he knew what he was doing that way. Kind of. ‘Show
yourself. Let me help you and him and me.’ The light stilled and stopped its
wrong transmissions, went quiet and opened itself.
It was so
familiar Leonard nearly fell out of the meld. It was kind and stubborn and
scared and courageous all at once. ‘No way,’ Leonard whispered and reached out.
‘Is this what your mind feels like? But why are you here? What are you doing in
Spock’s head?’ The answer was non-verbal, signifying that this was not the mind
he had recognised but a mere splinter of it. It was deep love, but not like Leonard’s.
More driven, louder, and definitely rejected. Placed in a bubble rather than
allowed to fill the Vulcan the way Leonard did. ‘You need to let him go. If he
means anything to you, let go.’ Fear was the answer. Fear of being forgotten
and destroyed. ‘He loves you too, just not that way. Let him go. You’ll still
be there. I promise. You’ll always be there. You’ll always be welcome. But not
… not like this. Right now, you’re hurting him. Killing him!’ The light started
vibrating again, more in accord with the two of them now as if acknowledging
that Leonard belonged there, and slowly, slowly it was fading. When it was
gone, Leonard found himself abruptly in his sickbay. He swallowed, trying to
stay upright and not fall off the bed.
‘My Len …’
Spock’s voice was soft but definitely not just in his mind. ‘Do you know who it
was?’ Leonard shook himself. Spock would be safe, but someone else might not.
‘Yes.
Wait. I need to see if there’s been a side effect. Could be dangerous.’ He slid
from the bed and looked at Spock before bending down and kissing him deeply. ‘Not
for us, though. Be right back. Gotta sort this out.’
ϡ
Sometimes life was
just so complicated Leonard wanted to throw things and scream and shout at the
injustice of the world. He didn’t. Most of the time. But when the man he wanted
to strangle at that moment needed medical attention, it was hard to resist the
temptation. If that person was his best friend, things got complicated.
He’d
expected trouble. Minds were a complicated thing. Leonard knew that, better
than anyone else on the ship aside from Spock. No matter how angry he was, he’d
never risk the crew’s mental or physical health, let alone Jim’s. So he made
sure that he wasn’t suffering from brain damage or some other negative after
effect of the exorcism he’d performed. But when Jim finally wake up woe betide
him.
Spock and Leonard
had been an item since a short time into the first five year mission, and Jim
had known it almost at once, had even guessed it without anyone telling him.
Had been supportive from the word go. But somehow a piece of Jim’s mind had
ended up in Spock’s. That it could be the Vulcan’s fault was unthinkable.
Technically,
it wasn’t Jim’s fault either. He had no telepathic abilities, practically no
ESP rating, no way to do anything other than let mental contact happen. And yet
… it turned out Sarek had been right with his first thought: a meld gone wrong.
It couldn’t be anything else. Leonard would find out how the hell a part of Jim
had ended up in his bondmate, and he sure wouldn’t ask Spock. No need to bother
him. His by Vulcan standards easygoing demeanour had originated at least partly
in his and Jim’s friendship. Unless it was completely unavoidable, Leonard
didn’t want to jeopardise that.
So he stood
beside Jim’s bed and waited while Spock was, thankfully, asleep. Leonard was so
angry at first, determined to give Jim a thorough talking to. But after a time,
the anger gave way to deep compassion. He loved Spock deeply, had fallen for
him hard. What if Jim felt the same way and had merely kept it to himself
because of Leonard? Turning his back on the sleeping figure, he sighed. ‘God,
how serious were you?’
‘Serious?
Me? Never.’ The voice was slightly rough but quite firm. Leonard spun back
around and stared at Jim.
‘How’re
you? Headache? Disorientated?’
‘Not
really. I’m in sickbay, so something must be wrong with me. Last thing I
remember is being in my cabin and getting ready for bed. What did I miss?’
‘Oh, not
much. I knocked you out of Spock’s mind. Did it hurt?’ Confusion blossomed on
Jim’s face and Leonard was instantly sorry for the way he had said this. ‘Jim,
are you in love with Spock?’ Hazel eyes darted to his.
‘What in
the name of God did I say?’
‘Answer
the question,’ Leonard growled.
‘Simple
answer: No.’ Jim sighed. ‘Complicated answer: I love him, but not that way. I
once thought I did. Certainly had a crush on him. Wanted him.’ Leonard threw
his hands into the air and turned away. ‘Bones. Bones, look at me.’
Reluctantly, he did. ‘Bones, the moment I realised you love him, and I think I
noticed that pretty soon, I backed off because it would … never have been what
you two share. I’m nowhere near serious enough for a Vulcan. It wouldn’t have
lasted. But you … if you love someone, you mean business. You’re perfect for
him. And I really, really … don’t want him now. I don’t love him that way. I
swear. And I haven’t the faintest idea what you were talking about.’
‘You had
something like a rudimentary bond with him,’ Leonard explained. His heart was
racing with something that wasn’t quite jealousy but related. ‘Why didn’t you
tell me how you felt?’ Jim sat up and frowned.
‘And do
what? Make you feel insecure? Make you back off for me? Don’t you get it? This
is much more important for you than it would have been for me.’ Leonard offered
a short nod and said nothing. ‘Now what are you going to do about that bond?’
‘Did
already. I persuaded what was in him of you to leave. I’m sorry Jim, didn’t
want to give you grief.’
‘Question.
Does this … change anything for you? Make you uncomfortable? Around me, I
mean.’ Whatever resentment Leonard had felt died. He sat down beside the man
who was his oldest friend and seriously worried.
‘No. Don’t
you think that.’ He leaned closer and reached out to squeeze his shoulder.
‘Jim. Really.’ The relief on the Captain’s face was visible. ‘You passed out
because I removed the link. Now … Spock’s gonna ask me who was in his mind. Can
I tell him? I won’t if you say no but I’m not going to lie, either.’
‘Tell him.
Tell him if you find a way to do that without making him feel … you know. I
don’t want to lose his trust.’ Leonard shot him a God-honest smile.
‘Don’t
worry, Jim.’
ϡ
Spock had already
moved back into their shared quarters. Not that Leonard was surprised, but he
was definitely a bit miffed that the Vulcan had sneaked out of sickbay while
Leonard was in the next room. Somehow Spock had managed to get past Christine,
who apologised to Leonard, apparently mortified. Leonard had grinned at her and
shrugged. If the Vulcan wanted to go, he would. So when he found him at the
computer terminal, Leonard approached with his arms folded and the best
disapproving look he could muster. ‘Hi, Spock,’ he said casually. ‘Fancy seeing
you.’
‘I
supposed since nothing was, as you said, physically wrong with me, I could
leave.’
‘Spock,
you don’t do that. Especially not if you’re in a relationship with your doctor.
It looks as if you’re getting special treatment.’
‘I hoped I
would.’ Leonard glared at him. Or he thought he did. Judging from Spock’s
expression he wasn’t very convincing.
‘You know
exactly what I mean. D’you wanna know who was in your mind?’
‘I am
curious.’
‘Naturally.
It was Jim. Any idea how?’ Both slanted eyebrows had shot up.
‘I can
only speculate. I assure you that I never intended to create such a link with
him.’
‘I know that.
Neither did he. He wouldn’t be able. Was there ever a meld you didn’t get out
of? A time he didn’t let go of you?’ Spock shook his head, then his mouth fell
open and he sat on the bed. Folding his hands before him, he waited for Leonard
to sit beside him.
‘Once. On
Amerind.’
‘Amerind.
Help me out. Oh wait, the one where you nearly killed yourself with lack of
sleep and food.’
‘The
planet inhabited by representatives of various American Indian tribes. I was,
as you pointed out, not in an ideal condition when I initiated the meld with
Jim. His memory loss was so severe, it was almost impossible to get through to
him. In turn, he very nearly subdued me. Not intentionally, but he struggled so
hard against the block around his memory that he did not notice I was
attempting to help.’
‘A
drowning man drowning his rescuer.’
‘A very
accurate metaphor, I have to say.’ Spock shifted until he sat behind Leonard,
his legs beside Leonard’s. Strong hands started massaging his neck and shoulders.
‘If at all, it happened then. When he recognised me, he let me help. And I
sensed a slightly worrying affection from him, but after the meld I did not pay
it any further attention.’
‘So you
knew he had a crush on you. Why didn’t I know?’
‘I did not
think of it again, to be honest. The impression was very fleeting. I do not
believe that he still harbours any romantic feelings towards me.’ Leonard
leaned back when long arms wrapped around him from behind.
‘Me
neither. Spock I’ve got to tell your parents you’re all right.’
‘I already
did. I have a better idea.’
‘And what
might that be?’
‘My task
in the creation of our bond is done. Now you have to do the same for me.’
Leonard swallowed.
‘And what
precisely did you have in mind?’ he asked.
‘Kiss me.’
The hands travelled down and settled on his stomach. ‘Suck me until I come in
your mouth.’ Leonard had been half erect before, and at those words he went
completely hard. Oh, Spock knew how to talk dirty, but he only did it about
once every two years. ‘Then enter me and give me all the passion you have. Stick
your phallus in me and take me.’ Leonard spun quickly and shoved Spock onto the
bed. Quickly, he straddled him, rubbing over his groin.
‘Want this?’
he asked, fixing Spock’s gaze and grinding against him in a slow, steady rhythm.
‘Want you too. I love you crazy, Spock.’ He brought their lips together in a
hard, wet kiss. ‘I’ll put my seed in your gut. And I’ll keep shoving it in
until it’s leaking back out as whipped cream.’
‘Yes,’
Spock said, undulating underneath him. ‘Yes, Len. Love me.’ Leonard grinned at
him.
‘Always.’
They undressed frantically. Where their encounter of the morning had been sweet
and gentle, this was the pure need to feel that they were both alive and
together. Every nerve ending in Leonard’s body was screaming for more contact.
He kissed his way down Spock’s chest and started blowing him, his own sex more
than ready for action. Spock’s hands were clawed into the sheets, his hips
thrusting upwards into his bondmate’s mouth. Leonard heard the fast breathing
and the hardly suppressed moans and grabbed Spock’s erection at the base, his
lips sliding over the ridge in a quick rhythm. He felt his lover’s orgasm
approaching and used his free hand to rub him, adding more friction to his
sucking. Soon, spurts of Vulcan seed went down his throat, and he swallowed all
Spock had to give. When he felt him soften, he slid up and kissed him hungrily.
Spock reached down and grabbed Leonard’s hard organ.
‘I want
you inside me,’ he said roughly. Leonard grabbed Spock’s legs and placed them
over his shoulders. Eyes locked, he entered him without much preamble but very
gently. Spock’s eyes closed and his back arched. ‘Yes. Yes, my beloved.’
Folding the legs close to the lean body of the alien, Leonard leaned down and
kissed him again, still with fervour, but mostly with all the love he felt.
‘Honey,
you feel so wonderful. Your body, your mind, all of you.’ Spock ran his hands
down Leonard’s arms and sucked on his bottom lip in reply.
‘I can
only hope you never cease to think so.’
‘No,
Spock. Never.’ He moved slowly, letting the Vulcan adjust a bit. He had much
more control over that particular muscle than a human and he did have internal
self-lubrication, but if he hurt him just a bit, Leonard would never forgive
himself. ‘And I’ll never ever try to help you by letting you go again. I hurt
you, and I’m so, so sorry.’ For one moment Spock held him so tightly Leonard
almost couldn’t breathe.
‘I am not
angry.’ Leonard buried his face in Spock’s neck and inhaled deeply. He
increased his speed, supporting himself with his arms and looking into the face
of his bondmate. He felt honoured. There was no other way to say it. For a
Vulcan, to surrender control like that was difficult. Surrendering it to a
human was risky, because any betrayal would hurt. Something clicked in
Leonard’s head.
‘I wasn’t
jealous,’ he said. ‘That was the bond, wasn’t it?’ He stilled and gave Spock a
searching look.
‘You might
have experienced discomfort at the fact that someone else shared my mind, yes.
I would not be surprised.’ Hooking his arms under Spock’s shoulders, Leonard
took the Vulcan’s head in both of his hands.
‘I
couldn’t share you any more than you could me. Are you all mine, Spock? Are you
sure of that?’ Spock’s eyes were so soft and warm he knew. He had known all
along, but what he had found in that brilliant mind had scared him.
‘I am,
Leonard, or we would not be having this conversation. Certainly not in this
manner.’ The dark eyes darted down to where Leonard’s sex was buried in Spock’s
flesh. He grinned and pulled away.
‘Turn
over,’ he breathed. Spock did, went to his hands and knees, his rear high up in
the air. Smiling to himself, Leonard put only the tip back inside and withdrew.
Spock groaned and writhed, and he stilled him with both hands on his hips.
‘What d’you want?’ As in the morning, Spock said something incomprehensible in
Vulcan. Leonard tutted and tapped his sex against Spock’s opening before
letting it rest there, ready to enter him but refusing to do so. ‘Say it properly.’
This time it was English, but stifled against the pillow. Unable to resist or
torture his lover longer, Leonard turned his tight hold into a caress. ‘You say
you want me?’ He leaned down and kissed Spock between the shoulders. ‘All
right, then.’ Leonard pushed inside with a single thrust and started taking him
hard and fast. Spock was moving with him enthusiastically, and when Leonard
reached for his sex he found him rock hard again. ‘Vulcan stamina,’ he managed
to mutter. His groin was on fire, the wonderful friction bringing him close to
the edge and over it quickly. The moment he came, Spock’s muscles contracted
around him. They both collapsed to the bed, not caring about the mess they were
making. ‘Spock, talk to me,’ Leonard said.
‘I am
well, Len,’ Spock said quietly, and Leonard sighed.
‘God, I
thought I’d lost you.’ He lay down next to his mate and they snuggled into a
close embrace. ‘I couldn’t stand that.’
‘You will
not have to.’ The deep voice was so soft it was little more than a rumble. ‘From
now on, when we have intercourse, we will always share the experience. This
time you could not feel my mind, I assume.’ Leonard nodded. They were so close
his nose brushed over Spock’s and he couldn’t help but smile. ‘Next time you
will also sense me when you penetrate me. The bond is complete and all but
unbreakable. It will continue to grow until we can always sense each other. I
love you, Len. I hope you will never regret it.’ Leonard twined his fingers
into Spock’s hair, caressing his scalp.
‘Not in this
life, honey.’ When he kissed him, the sexual frenzy was gone, replaced by the
tenderness and caring of a strong relationship. ‘Not in the next, either.
Promise.’ He looked into the gentle eyes of that incredible being. ‘And I think
… I think it’s time we make this official. What do you say?’ The answer was a
tiny smile and a nod.
‘Yes, my
Leonard. I agree.’ A brief kiss ghosted over his lips. ‘Good night, beloved.’
((As I promised, I list the references,
such
as they are.
The slip that brought me to my
knees – Losing
My Religion. Obviously.
I love you madly – You
You wipe my lips, you
turn me on – You, but not used literally here
Make it all okay – as it
is, that’s the title
I love you crazy –
again, You. I love that song even though it’s actually dark. Or because.
You say you want me –
You’re in the Air))