Wish Me Luck

By Ellen Smock

Rating: G

Disclaimer: really, if I owned Star Trek would I be collecting unemployment?

“I am familiar with the equipment, Doctor.  We are wasting time. The shuttlecraft is ready.”

 “You're determined not to let me share in this, aren't you?”

“This is not a competition, Doctor. Whether you understand it or not, grant me my own kind of dignity.”

“Vulcan dignity? How can I grant you what I don't understand?”

“Then employ one of your own superstitions. Wish me luck.”

Without warning, McCoy leaned forward, kissing Spock on the mouth then pushing him through the shuttle bay door and sliding it shut.

“Good luck, Spock.”

McCoy didn’t know why he’d done it.  

Well, that wasn’t true.  He knew.  He knew that this might be the last time he saw Spock. 

He might never get to tell him he loved him.

“Dammitall anyway….”

Stomping toward the turbo lift, McCoy tried desperately to push his emotions down.  He would need all his skills, all his—Spock forgive him—logic to help this ship get out of its current version of hell.

****

“Personal log, Commander Spock, USS Enterprise. I have noted the passage of the Enterprise on its way to whatever awaits it. If this record should survive me, I wish it known that I bequeath my highest commendation and testimonial to the captain, officers, and crew of the Enterprise. The finest starship in the fleet.”

Spock took a deep breath, considering his next move carefully.

“Computer, record personal message for Dr. Leonard McCoy, security level 3, only accessible by the intended recipient.”

“Recording”

“Leonard. Forgive me if the use of your name is presumptuous.  I have used the Captain’s nickname for you in the past, but I do not think of you that way.  To me, you are Leonard.  I regret that we will, not have the opportunity to discuss your farewell gesture.  I am sure you realized I was surprised.  Please do not think that means it was unwelcome.  I merely wish {Spock paused, grappling for the right words} I wish one of us had taken that bold step earlier.  Your courage in doing so inspires me.   It does not, however, surprise me.  You are the most courageous, generous person I have had the privilege to know.

If I could do it again, Leonard—if I could, perhaps, take us to the Guardian of Forever and step back in time—I would have told you.  I would have told you how much I value you, how much you bring to my life, how much you make me feel as if I am, in fact, a whole being deserving of friendship and, dare I say it, love.

I am sorry, Leonard, that I did not have the courage to tell you.  I am sorry that you have to learn of my feelings now, after I am gone.  Most of all, I am sorry I am not there with you now.

Thank you, Leonard.”

******

“Spock, you're alive!”

“Obviously, Captain. And I have some fascinating data on the organism.

“Don't be so smart, Spock. You botched the acetylcholine test.”

“Later, later, later. Bring the shuttlecraft aboard, Mister Scott. “

“Aye, sir. “

McCoy and Spock interrupted simultaneously.  “No, wait!”  “Belay that order.”

The Captain looked distinctly surprised.   “What?  We need to get him onboard now.  Bones, you need to get him to sick bay.  He’s been on almost no life support for hours now.”

“Captain, I…” Spock started only to find McCoy talking over him, heatedly.

“He can take it Jim. Listen, that ship has been inside the greatest living laboratory we’ve ever known.  There may be vital information on the hull.  It has to be collected.”

“So?  You can collect it after we get Spock on board.”

Spock paused, surprised at this gap in the Captain’s understanding.  McCoy, however, did not give it a moment’s thought.

“No, Jim.  The force field is programmed to sterilize the exterior of any craft brought onboard.  That’s a basic safety precaution.”

Kirk considered this.  “Okay, so?  We clear the shuttle bay, lock it down and bring him onboard without the force field, what’s the big deal?”

 “Captain.”  Spock spoke loudly and quickly, determined to offer at least one explanation on this distinctly scientific issue. “The tractor beams will not function when the force field is disabled.  It is, again, a basic safety function to prevent a hostile force from bringing a contaminated object onboard easily.  The shuttle craft will need to be brought in manually—something of which I am quite capable— all surfaces manually inspected and any samples collected.  Further, as we do not know what effect an oxygen atmosphere might have on the samples, the collection process must be done under space normal conditions.”

**Space Normal?** Kirk thought **that would take hours!**

Scotty took advantage of the Captain’s silence to ask a question:

“You’ll be wanting members of your science team to handle that, won’t you Mr. Spock?  Or would my engineering team…”

McCoy interrupted. “No, Scotty, you’re engineering team would not.  With Mr. Spock’s permission, I will select a team from science and medical to handle the collection.”

Spock nodded his approval before realizing that was inadequate.  “Thank you, Dr. McCoy.”

Kirk still looked unconvinced.  “What happens next?”

Scotty, now sounding convinced this was, indeed, a good idea, stepped in before McCoy or Spock could formulate a response.  “Once they’re done collecting, my team can decontaminate the ship and re-pressurize the cabin in no time.”

“But, how long is Spock going to be stuck in there?”  Kirk asked, still sounding unconvinced.

Answers seemed to come from all sides.  “That will depend on the skills of the workers and the quantity of material they are required to collect.”  “No longer than is necessary, sir, I’m sure Mr. Spock can be patient.” “Ah, he’ll be fine, Jim, he’ll have computer access and a comfortable seat, what more does he need?”

“Very well, proceed.”

Spock’s immediate action, even before manually piloting the ship into the bay, was to slide a record disc into the computer.

“Computer, transfer personal message for Leonard McCoy to this disc, delete all files related to that recording from your record banks, authorization Spock, Commander, USS Enterprise, security code 01 05 Beta 3.”

“Deleted”.

*****

Manually piloting the shuttle craft into the bay took all of Spock’s concentration.  His immediately tied the shuttle’s onboard computer to the Enterprise’s and began the transfer of information.

Much to his surprise, Spock found the 3.78 hours the suited team took to manually scan and harvest the exterior of the shuttle and the 1.47 hours Mr. Scott took to decontaminate the ship and restore pressure to the shuttle bay to be difficult.   After 2.74 hours he came to a decision, ordering the computer to record all data transferred onto data discs.  The computer informed him that this amount of raw data would require 5 distinct data discs, which suited Spock well.  Changing discs at the appropriate times required at least some of his attention.  Additionally, the manual backup would explain why he was carrying any discs off the shuttlecraft.  He discretely labeled the personal disc with Leonard’s name then shuffled it into the middle of the collection.

Otherwise, his thoughts were absorbed with Dr. McCoy. 

******

McCoy spent the next 5 hours supervising the collection team from afar, excitedly reviewing and recording the data at it was collected.  It was only when the bay was being pressurized that McCoy had the time to think about Spock.  Spock would be coming off that ship in a few minutes.  Obviously Spock wasn’t going to make a scene or mention the kiss.  Not while Jim was there.  But eventually they’d have to talk about it, right? 

Or, maybe not…Ignoring uncomfortable emotional human reactions was second nature to Spock.  Indeed, it might be his most highly developed skill.

By the time the shuttle bay was pressurized, McCoy had convinced himself that this would be no different than the many times Spock had returned from away missions before.  McCoy would demand an immediate medical exam, Spock would adamantly decline.  Ultimately Spock would agree to rest in his quarters and report to sick bay the next day.  Inevitably Spock would pick a time McCoy was not on duty so the attending physician would conduct a cursory exam and give Spock approval to return to duty.

This had been Spock’s unfailing pattern, whenever possible, since McCoy had come on board.

For once, McCoy welcomed it.

******

Spock descended the steps from the shuttlecraft clutching the 6 data discs in one hand.  It took all his self-control to avoid shuffling the discs.  One of the urges Spock had to work hardest to suppress was the apparent need to “fidget”. He knew it was illogical, he knew it served no purpose, he knew it would not—in fact—make him “feel better” but the urge to play with the discs as he walked down the stairs was uncomfortably close to overpowering. He conquered it, as he had so many times before. 

Kirk was still amazed that Spock had spent over 5 hours in the shuttlecraft while it sat in the shuttle bay.  Kirk had taken a nap and a shower.  Spock had just sat there while the onboard computer transferred data to the Enterprise.  Yet, Spock did not look anxious.  He did not look bored.  He looked perfectly composed as he came down the stairs.

“Welcome home, Mr. Spock!  We missed you!”

“Thank you, Captain, it is gratifying to be back.”

McCoy decided it was time to play his part.  “Come along, Spock, I want a full medical work up on you.”

“Of course, Doctor.”

**WHAT????** Spock wasn’t supposed to say that. Spock was supposed to argue, to invoke the legendary Vulcan physical superiority, to, in effect, avoid McCoy completely.  He certainly was not supposed to be leading the way to the turbo lift.

McCoy had to scramble.  Even Kirk was caught off guard.  He called out to McCoy’s back “Bones!” then mouthed “let me know.”  It was clear that Kirk was concerned. He thought there must be something really wrong with Spock for him to practically demand an immediate medical exam.  McCoy agreed and nodded such to Kirk as he strode to catch up with Spock.

McCoy arrived to find Spock holding the turbo lift for him. 

“Thanks.”

“Illogical, Doctor, if you were not on the lift, I would have to wait for you in sickbay.”

“Of course.”

The two stared forward as the deck indicator flashed by.

“What’s on the discs, Spock?”

“Pardon, Doctor?”

“The data discs, you’re running them through your fingers.  I’ve never seen you do something like that.  I gather they must be something important.”

Spock glared at his hands as though they had betrayed him.  He had obviously been fidgeting.

“They are a backup of the data sent from the shuttlecraft.  I deemed it sufficiently important to have redundancy.”

“That’s a good idea, Spock. They might be easier to search for data than the main recording.”

Spock turned to McCoy looking somewhat surprised. “Yes, Doctor, that is true.  The discs will be significantly more searchable.”

McCoy looked Spock in the eye. “Indeed, would it be possible for me to get copies?”

“Of course, Doctor.  I will have a set of copies for you tomorrow.”

The turbo lift door opened and they stepped off toward Sick Bay.

“No rush, Spock.  I’ll copy off the data from the hull examination for you, too. “

“Thank you, Doctor.”

Spock walked through the Sick Bay doors straight for Exam Table 3.  Even before McCoy had come onboard, Table 3 had been “Spock’s table”.  Spock had personally calibrated channel 2 to scan and appropriately analyze his unique body readings.

Spock put the discs (with which he was very carefully NOT playing) on the small shelf provided for all patients to deposit any items which might interfere with the scan.

He stepped up to the table and relaxed as McCoy tipped it into position.

The exam revealed nothing more than a need for rest, hydration and food, things that McCoy expected.

“Well, Spock, I’m ordering you off duty for the next 24 hours.  You need to drink lots of water and eat a few good meals.  I’ll be checking your dietary card so don’t go skimping on that.”

“I will follow your orders, Doctor. May I go to my quarters now?”

“Sure, Spock, head on home. Rest up, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Indeed.  Good evening Doctor.”

Spock moved to the small shelf and collected discs before leaving sick bay.

*****

McCoy started his routine of straightening up sick bay before leaving.  He couldn’t help but muse on Spock’s exam.

What the hell was that about?  Spock practically ran to sick bay to be alone with McCoy. But, when he got there, it was obvious that the only thing he wanted to do was leave.  “I will follow your orders, Doctor.”  When had Spock EVER said that???

McCoy nearly missed it.

He would have missed it if he weren’t so tuned up about Spock.  It was just a data disc, lying on a shelf.  It was barely a quarter of an inch thick, and by all rights he shouldn’t have noticed it lying there on the shelf, but he did.  Because Spock had been there. 

Picking it up, McCoy considered whether it was possible Spock had simply failed to pick up one of his discs.  That idea was obviously wrong.  Spock might have completely forgotten to pick up his discs.  While unlikely, when under stress, even Spock could make a mistake.  But for Spock to pick up all but one disc meant it was deliberate.

Flipping it over, McCoy was surprised to see his name written in Spock’s neat printing just under the area normally considered “the label space” on a data disc.  It was small and had McCoy not been taking his Retinax, he wouldn’t have been able to read it.  “Leonard.”

Obviously, McCoy had to learn what was on that disc.  But, not here.  Not in sick bay.  Finishing his scan, McCoy took the disc back to his quarters.

“Lights: 40%” he ordered.

McCoy dropped the disc on his desk and went to pour himself a drink.  Whatever was on the disc, McCoy was sure it would be easier to take with a good Kentucky Bourbon under his belt.  Maybe two.

Okay, maybe three.  When McCoy got that warm feeling that told him nothing was ever going to be “that bad” he popped the disc in .

“….I am sorry, Leonard, that I did not have the courage to tell you.  I am sorry that you have to learn of my feelings now, after I am gone.  Most of all, I am sorry I am not there with you now.

Thank you, Leonard”.

McCoy’s head jerked up.  Surely that last had been louder, almost with an echo….

His vision was blurry.  He suspected there were tears.  But he didn’t think his eyes were lying to him.  Spock was there, stepping away from the wall.  Spock crouched down to look McCoy in the eye.

“Thank you, Leonard”.

“How long have you been here?”

“Since leaving sick bay.  By my calculations, you would not wish to access the disc in your office, so I waited for you here.”

McCoy was completely overcome.  He launched himself into Spock’s arms.  They landed on their knees.

“I thought I’d lost you.”

“That can never happen, Leonard.  I will always be with you.”

“I’m sorry I’m drunk.”

“I am not.  You needed the relaxant to allow you to express your feelings.  Sometimes I envy humans for their ability to use alcohol as a tool to reveal their true feelings.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“I will.”

Spock lifted McCoy into his arms and carried him to the bed.  Spock carefully divested McCoy of his external clothing and eased him into the bed.  Removing his own boots, tunic and pants, Spock curled up next to McCoy.

Pulling McCoy into his arms, Spock placed a chaste kiss on his brow.  “Sleep, Leonard.  Thanks to you, we have time now to move forward.”

Finis