Title:  The Wizard, the Witch and the Whirlwind

Part 3:  Into the Woods

Based on The Wizard of Oz  (1939)

Author:  Shoshana

Summary:  Spock and McCoy pay a visit to Jim Kirk at his childhood home in Riverside, Iowa.  But the trio doesn’t remain there.     

Warnings:  brief reference to an incomplete assault on a minor; sexual innuendo  

Pairings:  S/Mc    Dorothy/original character(s)  K/Antonia

Rating:  PG-13    

Word count:  4500  (Part 3)

Disclaimer:   Brief dialogue quoted/adapted from The Wizard of Oz, screenplay by Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson, Edgar Allan Woolf, based on the children’s novel The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum.  I do not own The Wizard of Oz or The Wonderful Wizard of Oz or its sequels.  Nor do I own Star Trek.  Not a molecule, atom, quark or vibrating string of it.

Author’s note:  Metric 6500 kilopascal is roughly equivalent to 940 pounds per square inch.  Baum used “tin woodman” in his novel, not “tin woodsman.”  Thank you to Stef for the beta.  Errors are my own.

Dorothy, Spock, Leonard and Toto stood at the edge of a dense forest, gazing into the shadows where the yellow brick road led.

“I don’t want to go in there,” Dorothy said.  “It’s dark and scary.”

“If any of us are to get home,” Spock said, “we must find the Wizard.  To find the Wizard, we must continue on this path.”  He stepped into the shadowed path of the woods.

Leonard took Dorothy’s hand.  “He’s right, honey.”

“I suppose so.”  Reluctantly, Dorothy followed Spock.                                   

The further the travelers walked, the darker and denser the woods became.  Twisted limbs of trees loomed threateningly overhead, casting ominous shadows. 

Dorothy kept looking around nervously into the shadowed brush.

“I haven’t seen this many trees in my whole life.  I don’t like this place.  You can’t see where you’re going, and you can barely see the sky.”

“Toto sure seems to like it,” Leonard said.  The dark gray brindle terrier was eagerly sniffing the edge of the path.

“There could be wild animals here,” Dorothy said.  “Lions!  Or tigers!  Or bears!”

Spock said, “It is possible we could encounter bears, since several species inhabit temperate zone forests.  Our voices, however, will probably frighten them off.  Tigers lived in tropical rainforest, and in an isolated mountainous region of the Asian subarctic.  We will not be encountering them here, nor lions, which currently live on the African savannah, and which in earlier historical times  preferred open terrain.”  In 2293, tigers were extinct, though lions had been reintroduced to the wild.   

“Spock, you gotta remember, we’re playing by a different set of rules here,” Leonard warned.  “I mean, look at us.  Or those sunflowers back there.”

Increasingly agitated, Toto was darting from one side of the path to the other.

“I have observed no fauna in Oz larger than a rabbit,” Spock said.  “Even if you are correct, animals would pose no danger to us.   Carnivores consume neither straw nor tin.  Nor would venom of any type affect us.”

“That’s fine and dandy for us!  But what about Dorothy?  Besides, even if an animal wasn’t interested in eating you, claws could still rip you to shreds!  And teeth might leave dents or holes in me!”

Toto began to growl.  

Spock spoke low, for Leonard’s ears only.  “The girl does not exist.  I pointed out to you earlier the many the parallels our experiences here have with our visit to Peter Kirk’s house.  Oz is an elaborate shared hallucination, such as we shared on Theta Kiokis II.” 

“I don’t believe it,” Leonard whispered back.  “This place just seems more real than what the Melkotians created.  If anything, it seems more real than our world.  The colors here glow like a rainbow or stained glass. I think we’re in a parallel universe, not an illusion.  What if you’re wrong?  Are you willing to stake Dorothy’s life on it?”

Toto’s growling deepened into a rumble surprisingly deep for being produced by such a diminutive creature.

Dorothy said, “Toto, what are you –”

A roar, far too deep and powerful to be made by any dog, came from the shadows on their right.  Exploding into a frenzy of barking, Toto plunged into the brush. 

“Toto!  Come back!  Come!” Dorothy said. 

A male voice screamed, “No!  Keep away!  Please, don’t bite me!” 

Straw and tin eyebrows rose in shock at the sound of a very familiar voice screaming in an unfamiliar tone of terror.   

“Oh, my God!” Leonard said, raising his axe higher.  Toto’s shrill bark carried over cries of distress and the crunch and crash of breaking brush.  “Jim’s being pursued by what sounds like a big cat!  Or a dinosaur!  Dorothy, get behind me –”

“A big cat!” Dorothy said.  “Toto can’t fight off a lion or tiger!  He’ll –” 

“Leonard, I am not sure that –”      

A full grown male lion screaming “Help!” burst out of the bushes, Toto in hot pursuit.  The huge feline came to a cowering halt as he tried to hide behind the much smaller figures of the scarecrow, tin woodman and Dorothy.  A few feet in front of them, Toto barked furiously at the cringing lion he now held at bay.  

“Keep him away from me!” the trembling lion pleaded.  “That thing is vicious!  He tried to bite me!”

“He is not vicious,” Dorothy said, indignantly.  She picked up the barking dog.  “Toto is gentle!  He likes everyone, except for cats and my neighbor Miss Gulch.  And that horrible witch, of course.”   The terrier quieted in his mistress’s arms.

Half-heartedly, the lion swatted the air in the direction of the dog, his claws fully sheathed.  Toto growled again.

“You should be ashamed of yourself!” Dorothy said.  “Pick on someone your own size!”

Leonard said, “Jim, that little dog hasn’t given me or Spock a speck of trouble.”

“Leonard is correct,” Spock said.  “I surmise that Toto is acting aggressively towards you because of your current feline form.”

“Bones?  Spock?  Am I’m glad to see some familiar faces around here!  Well, semi-familiar,” the Lion said, peering at the faces of Dorothy’s companions.  “How did you get turned into a scarecrow and a tin man?”

“Presumably the same way you got turned into a lion,” Leonard said.

Dorothy said, “I’m glad you found the friend you were looking for.”

“Yes,” Leonard said.  “We’re old friends.  Dorothy, meet Captain James Kirk.  Jim, meet Dorothy Gale, born February 2, 1902.”  The date was a warning to Jim.  “You’ve already met Toto.”

“How do you do,” Dorothy said. 

“Nice to meet you,” Jim said.  “I have a pair of nieces a little younger than you.   Their names are Theodora, which is ‘Dorothy’ backwards, and Gaila.”

“That’s a coincidence,” Dorothy said.

“And their family has a dog who looks a lot like Toto, except he weighs roughly ten times as much.”

“How can they ever afford to feed him?  Uncle Henry complains Toto eats too much meat, and he gets mostly scraps.”

“The family is . . . well off,” Jim said.   

“You called Leonard ‘Bones,’” Dorothy said.  “Tin men don’t have a skeleton.”

“It’s short for “sawbones,’” Jim explained.  “Where we come from, Leonard is a doctor.”

The others explained to Jim why they were following the yellow brick road in search of Emerald City and the Wizard of Oz.  Jim gladly joined the pilgrimage, though he continued to shy away from Toto, who persisted in growling at him.

Speaking privately with Spock, Dorothy whispered, “Is Jim really a Captain in the army?  He seems like such a scaredy cat.”

“Jim Kirk is very brave man, and an outstanding military leader.  The three of us served together many years, not in the army, but on a ship.”

“Were you in any battles together?  Did anyone get killed?” 

“Yes.”  If the girl pressed for details, Spock planned to say their missions were secret. 

“I hope Al doesn’t join the Navy,” Dorothy said.  “It sounds like a very dangerous job.  Especially in time of war.”

Trailing them were Leonard and Jim.  “That girl, Bones . . . I can’t put my finger on it, but I know her.  I’ve met her.”

“You can’t put a finger on it, because you don’t have any fingers.  How could you have met Dorothy?  People can look alike.  She must remind you of someone you’ve met.  Her pigtails remind me of Fallon.”   

“You’re right, it’s impossible.  Glad I met up with all of you back there.  I started out in the fields, but I chased a deer into this forest.”

Leonard asked, warily, “You didn’t catch and eat it, did you?” 

“Nah.  I was trying to talk to it, thinking it might be you or Spock.   

Sorry you two had such a bad time of it to start with.  I was having fun looking for you.  Tearing around, climbing trees, seeing how far I can jump.  Having a body this powerful is great.”

“James T. Kirk, King of the Forest.  It fits you.”

“Tiberius was one of the Roman emperors, after all.  So tell me, Bones, about this business of you being metal and Spock made of straw.  Doesn’t that put a dent in your bedroom activities?”  Jim nudged Leonard in the side with a sheathed paw.  “Or have you managed a roll in the hay recently?”  The lion gave his metallic friend a knowing wink.    

“Keep your voice down!” Leonard said in a low voice.  “There’s a child around.  We’ve had other things on our minds since arriving here.  Not to mention a lack of privacy.  It’s not like there are any bedrooms around.”

Jim scoffed.  “As if that ever stopped you and Spock on planetside missions.”

“What –?  You knew about that?”

“The way the two of you were always slipping off outside together?  Everyone knew the only flora and fauna you were interested in were the birds and the bees.  Not Hagabateelian nightwing scorpions, that’s for sure.”

“Well, here we can’t even tell Dorothy we need to take a leak.  Although –” Leonard hesitated, and pitched his voice even lower, “– we did find out accidentally that the oil from that can Spock is carrying around feels damn good when he puts it on me.”

“That so?” Jim said, his interest piqued.  

“Downright orgasmic.  But only when he does it.”

“That’s just plain weird.  You don’t have the equipment anymore.  At least I’ve still got junk.”

Leonard, snorting, pointed to Spock’s back and his own chest.  “At least Spock and I are still recognizably humanoid.”   

“Did you know lions are capable of copulating every fifteen or twenty minutes?” 

Leonard rolled his eyes.  “Sure, if they’ve got a receptive lioness.  Good luck finding one around here.” 

“They mate around the clock.  For three to seven days they don’t eat or sleep while they screw their asses off.  Just like pon farr.”

Leonard smiled roguishly.  “Not quite.  For lions, screwing typically doesn’t last more than ten seconds or –”

Suddenly a huge fiery puff of smoke stinking of sulphur billowed on the path ahead of the travelers.  A gaunt woman, dressed in black with a tall pointed hat and clutching a broomstick, emerged from the smoke.  Her skin was green; not the subtle green tones of a Vulcan’s skin, but a garish, sickening green, the color of poison.

“It’s her!” Dorothy said.  “The Wicked Witch of the West!”  The girl hid her face in Spock’s chest, clinging to him.  Spock subdued his initial impulse to pull away from her embrace.   Dorothy’s hug made him recall hugs from Saavik when he had first encountered her as a frightened, abandoned child, and of more recent embraces from his step-granddaughter Fallon.  Awkwardly, he patted Dorothy’s shoulder.   

Leonard and Jim stepped forward to join Dorothy and Spock.      

The witch said, in a threatening tone, “So, my pretty, I see you’ve met these three misfit visitors to Oz.”

It occurred to Spock that the Wicked Witch of the West bore, clothing and green skin excepted, physical and vocal resemblance to Beatrice Odelle Lyons Tomaszewski Nguyen Wolford.

“They’re not misfits!  It’s not their fault they’ve been changed!” the girl said as she gathered the growling Toto into her arms.

The Witch sneered.  “Yes, just like it’s not your fault your house fell and killed my sister.  Come with me, Dorothy, and I won’t hurt your friends or your annoying little dog.”

With a jerk of his great head, Jim motioned the others to fall back.  Leonard draped an arm over Dorothy’s shoulder as he and Spock stood protectively on either side of her.  

Jim said, growling, “The girl is staying with us.”  The dark mane which cascaded down his massive shoulders rippled with the twitching of his muscles.  A chance shaft of light fell on him, turning his hide to a burnished golden brown.  He was two hundred kilograms of power and razor-edged weapons held under tight restraint.  He looked magnificent, and very dangerous.

“The girl is none of your business,” the Wicked Witch said.  “Let me have her, and you three can go on your merry way to that silly Wizard.”

“No,” Jim said.  “Dorothy stays with us.”

“I know how you can get home,” said the Witch.  Her voice took on a wheedling tone.  “You don’t need the Wizard.  Give her to me, and I will tell you how you can return to your own time and place, in your normal forms.  I will release her, once I have those slippers.”

“So you’re the one who brought us here?”  Jim growled again, the rumble from his chest deep and intimidating.  “The one who transformed me and my friends?”

“A storm brought you here, as another did the girl.  As for your forms, I think my sister must have cast a spell on you before this bumbling child killed her.  She always did like riding storms into your boring world.  Now turn the murderous little thief over to me.”

“I’m not a thief!  Or a murderer!” Dorothy said.

“Stop wasting my time, Captain,” the Witch said. 

“Stop wasting ours,” Jim said, his tail lashing and his ears pinned back.  “You’re not taking the girl.”

“Even if you have the power you claim,” Spock said, “once you sent us back, there would be no way for us to ascertain Dorothy’s safety.  Nor would there be any assurance you would provide the information to us, if we turned the girl over to you.  But it would not matter, even if you gave us the information as we stand here.  We will not turn her over to you.”

“That’s right!” Leonard said.  He slid a quick smile at Spock.  “Now get your ugly green face out of our sight!”

“And I thought you liked green skin,” the Witch said.

“Not your shade, you green-skinned gargoyle.”  

Jim said, “Leave.”  He spoke with all the authority of decades of facing enemies undaunted.  “Now.”

The Witch laughed, a hideous sound.  “You don’t have your weapons anymore, Captain.  They wouldn’t work even if you did.  Do you really think your claws and fangs are any match for my magic?  Or that Spock’s now nonexistent brain will help you here?    Magic isn’t logical.  He doesn’t even believe he’s really here.  As for your doctor friend, even with that hollow metallic shell he’s so soft-hearted he probably wouldn’t use his hatchet on me or my flying monkeys to save his own life.”

“Don’t bet on that, Broomhilda!” Leonard yelled, brandishing the axe in the air like a war spear.   

“The hatchet would be useless on me, in any case.  I will give you all a taste of my power.” 

The Witch waved her broom, and writhing tree limbs seized Dorothy and the others, even Toto, whom Dorothy dropped in her terror.  Jim was seized by the limbs of a large downy serviceberry, while Dorothy was held fast against the trunk of a pin oak.  Spock and Leonard dangled in the air, struggling to escape from the clutches of a sugar maple.  Toto was barking frantically; Jim was roaring in rage; Leonard, forgetting momentarily Dorothy’s presence, was cursing roundly; and Dorothy, oblivious to Leonard’s colorful language, was shrieking, more in pain than fear.  Only Spock, who wished he had a Vulcan’s strength rather than that of a straw man, was silent.

The Witch laughed.  “I’ll be back for you and those ruby slippers, dearie!  I or my flying monkeys!”  She disappeared as she had arrived, in a malodorous ball of smoke and flame.

Spock said, “Jim, you’re the strongest of us.  A lion’s jaws can bite down with a force of sixty-five hundred kilopascal.  Can you bite your way free?”

“Maybe – I can move my head – I’ll try –”

Everyone quieted, though Dorothy moaned that her left shoulder was injured.  “I think I broke it, when I was slammed against the trunk of this tree.”

It took a long time, but Jim was able to chew through the thick wood restraining him.  Leonard said, “Release Dorothy first!  She’s injured!”

Spock said, “I recommend you release me next, instead.  We will need two sets of hands to safely free Dorothy.  I am hanging much higher than Leonard, but I will not be injured by the fall.  Leonard could be dented.” 

While Spock was chopping Leonard free with the hatchet, which Leonard had fortunately dropped when seized by the maple, Jim jumped onto a nearby tree to unloose Toto from the dogwood holding him.  Biting with ease through the single thin branch which held the dog, Jim cupped a huge paw to momentarily hold Toto before gently carrying him down in his mouth by the scruff of the neck.  The little dog seemed to understand Jim was helping him, for he did not struggle, and when put on the ground he gave his rescuer an appreciative lick on the nose before trotting off to observe the efforts of Leonard and Spock to set free his mistress.   

The Cairn whined with concern as Leonard examined the moaning Dorothy, whom the physician ordered to strip down to her slip.  “A sub-coracoid anterior dislocation of the shoulder, by the looks and feel of it.  No indication of circulatory or nerve involvement.  I don’t think there’s a fracture, though I can’t be sure.  Sure wish I had my medical scanner.” 

Spock said, “If the Witch is correct about our normal weaponry not working here, it is probable your medical technology would not do so, either.”

“What’s a medical scanner?” Dorothy asked. 

“Oh . . . just a newfangled invention called the fluoroscope,” Leonard said, with a wink to Spock and Jim. “It lets doctors see into the body with X-rays.”

“Doc Anderson said the hospital in Wichita has one of those.  I used to want to go to Wichita, but now I don’t.  The word will always remind me of that horrible woman.”  Dorothy shuddered.  “Can you fix my arm?”

“Yes.  I need to pop the joint back into place.  But I’m going to be honest with you, honey . . . it’s going to hurt.  A lot.  Really bad briefly, and it’ll ache afterwards.  But it’s got to be done.  If you want to cry or scream, that’s fine.  But I need you to hold very still while I’m moving your arm.  You understand?”

Dorothy nodded.

“I need you to lie on your back.  Good.  Jim, why don’t you lie beside her, make sure she doesn’t move.”  Gently, Jim placed a velveted paw over the girl.  “Spock, how about you grabbing Toto, in case he gets upset.  I don’t want to be treating Jim for a dog bite.”

Jim told Dorothy, “Dr. McCoy had to do this to me two times.”

“Was it only twice?  Seems like more, the way you were always busting yourself up.”  Leonard grasped Dorothy’s left wrist and slowly began to lift her arm.  “The Spasso method.  Developed in Australia.  There are other methods of reducing an anterior dislocation, but this is my favorite for field conditions.”  Over a period of more than a minute he gently lifted the arm to vertical.  “Applying more traction, now . . . and rotation.”  Dorothy was panting in pain.  “You’re doing great.  Jim made a whole lot more fuss, and that was after getting painkillers, which I don’t have for you.”  Dorothy managed a wan smile.  “It ought to be popping back soon.  Let me know if –”  They heard a dull clunk!, accompanied by a gasp from Dorothy.  “All done!”  Leonard lowered the arm and gently palpated the shoulder, checking that the reduction was complete.  “That’s my brave girl.”

”It still hurts,” Dorothy said.  “But it does feel better.  Thank you so very much.”

Leonard fashioned a makeshift sling from the hem of Dorothy’s petticoat, and gave her instructions on exercises to do while the injury was healing.  He and Spock helped the girl get back into her blouse and checkered jumper.  “Your left arm should be rested for several weeks,” Leonard told her.  “Don’t be picking up Toto!”

“I’ll try not to,” the girl replied.   “But if I get home, they’re going to want me to do my chores.  Do you know who you remind me of, Leonard?”

“Doc Anderson, I’d expect.”

“Actually, you remind me of Jackson Cutter – we call him Jack – one of the hands on Uncle Henry’s farm.  He’s wonderful at doctoring all the animals, and people, too, when Doc Anderson isn’t around.  He saved our mare Penny when she had trouble dropping a foal two years ago.  Funny thing is, he refuses to slaughter any animals, makes Uncle Henry and the other hands do that, but once they’re dead he’s great at butchering up the meat.  Jack’s a whole lot nicer than old Doc Anderson.  Doc is mean and cranky.  He just laughed at me, and not in a nice way, when I said the cod liver oil he made me take tasted awful.”

“Dorothy, I hate to break this to you,” Jim said, his leonine face full of amusement, “but Dr. McCoy can be pretty mean and cranky, too.” 

“Be quiet, Jim, or I’ll find some excuse to make you take cod liver oil when we get back home.  Hopefully as humans, since I have a hunch lions actually like cod liver oil.”

Jim said, “See what I mean?”

Leonard said, “I have a granddaughter your age.  You remind me of her.  Her name is Fallon.”  Leonard wondered sorrowfully if he would ever see her again. 

Dorothy turned to Jim.  “I’m sorry I ever thought you were a coward.  Thank you for protecting me.  You were very brave, standing up to the Wicked Witch of the West.”

“You’re very welcome, Miss Gale,” Jim said, gallantly.  

“Jim Kirk has stood up to a lot of bad guys in his time,” Leonard said.  “Even to an evil witch of sorts, once before.”  

“Really?” Dorothy said, admiringly.  “Was she ugly?  Did she have a broom?”

“She was beautiful, actually,” Jim said.  “And she had sort of a wand, rather than a broom.  And instead of changing me into a lion, she changed into a huge black cat.”

Dorothy nodded.  “Glinda the good witch has a wand.”

“I believe the Wicked Witch’s broom is the source of her power,” Spock said. 

Dorothy said, “You’re probably right.  Glinda thinks the ruby slippers may be even more powerful.  She told me not to turn them over to the Wicked Witch of the West, but I couldn’t even if I wanted to.  I can’t get them off, no matter how hard I pull.”

Turning back to Jim, the girl said, “When you were talking to the Witched Witch, you reminded me of Alan Lyons, one of our other hands.  Isn’t that a coincidence, about his name?”

“I’d say so,” Jim agreed.

“Al shot and killed a drifter who grabbed me in the chicken coop three months ago while I was collecting eggs.”  The girl reddened, and the three friends exchanged glances.  “Uncle Henry and Auntie Em both said it was a mercy Al found us before the man could do anything to me.”   

“Whatever happened,” Leonard said gently, “it wasn’t your fault.”

But they had misunderstood the girl’s blush.  “Al talked to that drifter cool as a cucumber, just like you did with the Witch, even though the man was pointing a gun at him.  And when he wouldn’t let go of me, Al shot him dead.”  The girl shuddered at the memory.  “Later that same day, Al kissed me,” Dorothy said. “He told me he wants to keep company with me, but would wait until I turned sixteen.  He wants to join the Navy in the meantime, especially if America enters the Great War.  Oh, I hope he stays in Kansas, instead!”

“So,” Leonard said, smiling, “you like the young man.”

“He’s just sixteen, two years older than me, but Gertrude Schreiber says he’s the most handsome man under thirty in the whole county. 

He has golden brown hair – like a lion.  But I would like him even if he weren’t good-looking, or if he hadn’t saved me.”  The girl put her hand on her mouth.  “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.  I didn’t tell a single soul about Al kissing me.  Certainly not any men.  But none of you are exactly men, are you?  And I feel like I’ve known all of you for such a long time!”

She turned to Spock.   “You, too.  You remind me of our third farmhand, Simon Head. 

“I told Spock some about him before,” she said, addressing the others.  He’s tall and quiet and has a deep voice, and is the smartest person I’ve ever met.  He’s been tutoring me in reading and mathematics and history since I graduated from grade school four years ago.  He knows the constellations and can do arithmetic in his head really fast.  He even has his own collection of books!  He wants to go to college in Topeka next year.  Uncle Henry says he doesn’t know how we’ll manage, if Al and Si both leave.  Jack doesn’t understand why they want to leave.  He says he likes living out in the country.”

“The quiet country life does have its advantages,” Leonard said.

Spock said, dryly, “Yes.  Such as almost being hit by lightning, being stranded in a forest, nearly drowning in a river, getting pummeled by hail, having to run from a tornado, and being knocked unconscious by wind-driven objects.”

“Listen, you pointy-eared, green blood-” – Leonard skipped two beats – “-less bag of hay, most of those things could have happened in a city, too.”

“It is illogical for you to insult me by pointing out my lack of a circulatory system when you lack one yourself, you oversized cookie tin.”

Jim laughed.  Seeing Dorothy’s shocked expression, he explained, “Those two like to tease other.  They’re . . . best friends.”

“The only best friend I ever had was Solveig Lagerstrom on the farm to the south of us, but she died when she was eight after getting snakebit by a rattler.  We never teased each other.”  Dorothy reconsidered.  “These days I guess Al Lyons is my best friend.  Back home, I mean,” she added, casting an appreciative look around the group.  “He teases me sometimes.  But he also said he would always look out for me.” 

“Honey,” Leonard said, patting her uninjured shoulder, “whether that young man stays just a friend, or becomes your beau, you’re lucky to have someone willing to look out for you.”  The tin woodman smiled at the lion, but his eyes lingered on the scarecrow’s face. 

“I know I’m lucky to have you three as friends,” the girl said, with her characteristic earnestness.  

“We should not remain here,” Spock said.  “The Witch said she would be returning, or sending her flying monkeys.”

“You believe in something as illogical as flying monkeys?” Leonard asked.  “Without even having seen them?” 

“After the events of the last few hours,” Spock replied, “the answer is, tentatively, ‘affirmative.’”  

And so the companions resumed their journey on the yellow brick road.