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Title: Yours for the Asking
Author: Jessica
Rating: PG
Archive: Anywhere, just say where, please
Summary:
Spock is nervous.
Author's Note: Thanks to JenniferLupin for beta'ing this.
Spock was beginning to be unnerved by
the whole thing. Which
irritated him as it was an emotional way to react. He looked over
at Dr. McCoy calmly eating
his pancakes. McCoy caught Spock staring
at him, smiled at him and then returned to his food. Spock was so
unsure. He
had always known that he was not attracted to women. He
used to run up into the mountains of Vulcan as a young man to escape
and
think about it. His father would question him and he would be
silent. It was such a human emotional thing. He was a Vulcan.
Vulcan
men married Vulcan women and produced more Vulcans. This was
the logical way. His father had drilled this into his head.
Spock
never pointed out that his mother was a human. It was not logical
to infuriate one's father when you could not
get away from him.
He looked back up at Dr. McCoy again. Yes he had known all those
years ago on Vulcan that he
was attracted to men. There had been a
young man named Sulak whom he had found attractive and had dreams
about. Yet
he was to marry T'Pring. He had nightmares about going
Pon Farr with T'Pring. About having to run his hands over her...
He
shuddered just thinking about it. He sometimes thought about it
now, replacing T'Pring with McCoy. For the time being he
put it
out of his head. These emotions. The Vulcan side of himself
chastised him for having so many emotions. Put them
from you! Cast
them out!
He shook his head. McCoy looked up.
"You ok? You haven't touched your fruit. Plus
you look kinda
green." The doctor grinned.
"I am fine, Doctor." Spock said a little curtly.
McCoy raised
his eyebrows but said nothing and returned to the
pancakes.
Spock sighed. The emotions were a part of him. He loved
this man
in front of him, but he wasn't even sure that the Doctor was
interested in men. He knew that he had been married
to a woman and
had a daughter. He also knew that he had divorced her, but he
didn't know why.
The Vulcan side of
him spoke again, this time more in harmony with
the human side of him. It would be illogical to deny the feelings
that
you feel. It would be as if you were denying yourself air to
breathe or food to eat. Also it would be illogical to sit
here
forever and pine away with love and not find out how the doctor
feels. If he doesn't feel the same way, he will
at least have the
goodness to never speak of it again. And then I can wrap myself up
with facts and logic and forget.
With
this new found resolve Spock looked up and ascertained that
they were alone. Finding that they were he looked over at McCoy.
"Doctor."
"Yes,
Spock?"
"I have a rather delicate matter that I wish to discuss with you. I
know that you will use the utmost discretion.
"Of
course."
Spock cleared his throat and drew in a long breath.
"Please let me finish before you say anything.
I find that for a
long time now I have loved you. Not as a comrade loves a fellow
comrade but as a lover loves. Understand
that the love of a Vulcan
is deep and slow to come. Please also understand that the true love
of a Vulcan is a once
in a lifetime thing, whether or not it is
reciprocated. I do not mean to pressure you by saying this, but I
felt the
need to inform you of my feelings. I know all the things I
have said about human emotion, but Doctor to deny this emotion
would
be to deny me life."
Spock let out a breath and bowed his head slightly and then looked
up into McCoy's
eyes awaiting his comments. The look in McCoy's
eyes actually surprised him. They were shining.
"Well Spock, You
should have told me this sooner. I could have
spared you some pain. The fact is that I have always been yours for
the
asking."
McCoy smiled at Spock, laid a hand on his, picked up his coffee cup
and took a sip.
The wave of
joy that rushed over Spock next was the most violent
emotion he had every felt. He looked at McCoy and smiled broadly
before
he remembered himself. McCoy gave him an slightly amused
look and continued to sip his coffee.
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